Sometimes, without intending to, parents unwittingly do things that could fuel rivalry among their children. In a desperate cry to seek attention, siblings may sometimes express discontent by trying to outdo one another.

Suspect that your children are battling each other for your affection? Here are 10 ways you can deal with it and put an end to their sibling rivalry.

1. DON’T compare.
In an effort to push their kids to, maybe, do better in school or be more well-behaved, parents often compare their kids with each other—“Your baby brother eats his vegetables. Why don’t you eat yours?” The comparison may work in some cases. However, Center for Family Ministries counselor Melissa Cruz says, “Comparing children with each other often sets them up for a great deal of jealousy and envy later on.” Let each child feel positive about being different.

2. DO spend alone time with each child.
Even just 20 minutes a day spent exclusively with your child - without the distractions of your cell phone or of having to take care of her sibling - gives a huge boost to your child’s self-esteem. “Studies show that [even a little] one-on-one attention with a child per day will significantly reduce whining and aggressive behavior,” says Cruz.

3. DO keep your cool.
Once you blow your top and start yelling, too, you will just be throwing yourself into the melee. Block out the fighting for a second to take a deep breath. Then count to 10. Continue to 20 if you find you’re still irate at 10. Keep going until you’re back in control.

4. DON’T resolve the conflict while everyone is upset.
Says Cruz, “Calmly but firmly separate the two children and lead them to separate rooms. Talk with them only after they - and you - have had a few minutes to cool down.”