Sex can’t always be a page taken from Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele’s book. That is exhausting. As these married couples reveal below, you can have the hot lovemaking, but if it’s uninspiring the next few times, you shouldn’t think of it as a problem of attraction or desirability. Here’s how they found their sexual satisfaction.
We don’t force the romance. “Being intimate now is so much easier, sweeter and more fun for us now that we’re married and sleeping together every night. We cherish our nightly quiet moments in bed—reading, talking about how busy our days were, or just doing absolutely nothing—then sex just comes naturally. Now that we have a place of our own, we have more freedom to turn the romance up a notch and be a tad (sometimes a lot) more playful.” —Samara Ramiscal, married to Bagus for four years
We see each other as partners in crime, so to speak. “It’s definitely easier to have a sex life, because you have that constant and reliable partner to do it with. You’re also not afraid to try different things. Whatever floats your boat, you have someone to experience it with.” —Vania Edralin, married to Santi for almost eight years It’s okay to have dry spells. “I learned that we won’t have great sex every single time. But also, lackluster sex doesn’t mean we don’t love each other or aren’t attracted to each other anymore. Sometimes, it really is just because I had a bad day at the office, or it’s that time of the month where she’s not in the mood. My wife struggled before becoming conscious of the fact that sometimes, it really isn’t personal.” —Michael Carlos, married to Kim for eight years
Physical intimacy doesn’t have to end up in coupling. “Being a bit older, both my husband and I understand that we won’t be able to do the things we used to do when we were younger. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be intimate with each other. We try different things now to still feel romantic towards each other. I guess in our almost 30 years of marriage, we both know that loving is not just about sex. It’s still part of it, but it’s not really the whole package. We’ve learned to see beyond that.” —Marife Reyes, married to Boy for 31 years
We try and try until…ohhh, yes! “When we were newlyweds, I was shocked that my husband and I weren’t always on the same page when it came to sex. Before getting married, I thought men and women became aroused over pretty much the same things. And he hated talking about it; for him, talking over the gory details made him lose interest. It took a long time of constant trial and error until we finally got to a place where we were both comfortable and responding positively, enthusiastically to each other’s advances.” —Sandy Cacho, married to Lino for 16 years
Interviews by Camille Besinga. Some names changed to protect privacy. A version of this article appeared in the June 2012 issue of Good Housekeeping Philippines.