In the beginning of marriage, when we vow to love each other for richer or poorer, we also promise to distribute household chores equally. Remember that? Of course, a baby's arrival can quickly change that dynamic. "But you know these things better," says the new dad of child care, making the new mom complain, "My husband does not help around the house."
It still happens. That's why we are thankful for the gift John Hoxie, a husband, father, and grandfather, bestowed via his Facebook post where he shared a conversation with a friend.
John's friend was shocked to learn John helps around the house. "I’m glad you help your wife. I do not help because when I do my wife does not praise me. Last week I washed the floor and no thanks," his friend said.
John's reply offered an excellent perspective how men should look at their role at home. He explained he's "not helping" his wife with the house chores. "Actually, my wife does not need help; she needs a partner. I am a partner at home and through that society are divided functions, but it is not a 'help' to do household chores," he told his friend.
He continued to illustrate his point:
"I do not help my wife clean the house because I live here, too, and I need to clean it too. I do not help my wife to cook because I also want to eat and I need to cook too. I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I also use those dishes. I do not help my wife with her children because they are also my children and my job is to be a father. I do not help my wife to wash, spread or fold clothes because the clothes are also mine and my children. I am not a help at home; I am part of the house."
Then John asked his friend, who complained he didn't get any thanks for helping when was the last time he praised and sincerely thanked his wife for doing the same chores. "Praise her as you wanted to be praised, in the same way, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, behave like a true companion, not as a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs," he stressed.
John's post has been shared nearly 200,000 times and has received more than 150,000 reactions and more than a hundred comments since July (that's not yet counting the blogs and Facebook pages that shared the post). The feedback has mostly been positive, with many agreeing that marriage is a partnership between two adults. Others tagged their partners to thank them for doing their share of work.
When Married Bliss shared the post on its Facebook page, some commented every marriage would interpret shared responsibilities differently.
For any relationship to work, a husband and a wife should put in an equal share of work to help each other, but it is ultimately up to them how the division works. What is important you have a partnership that can teach your kids about the different ways to express love and respect. As this one Facebook user shares: