Ending a relationship is never easy, especially when there are kids involved. But endings pave way for new beginnings, too. When that happens, it's just proper to resolve any underlying issues from the past before looking forward to the future.
In the case of actor Patrick Garcia and wife Nikka Martinez, an issue she had when they were still dating was her insecurity with actress Jennylyn Mercado, who is the mom of Patrick's eldest son, 7-year-old Alex Jazz.
"I was young and still a little immature. I was confident in mostly everything except his past. Knowing that he has a son whom he adores with someone he used to love, not to mention, a very good-looking person… brought about the feeling of insecurity in me," Nikka wrote on her blog post entitled "A Boy After my Heart."
Nikka, however, was very supportive of Patrick and Jazz having a healthy father-and-son relationship. Sometimes she would join them when they hang out, but she would always opt to stay in the car when they drop Jazz at Jennylyn's home.
"I just didn’t know my place. I didn’t know how to act. I did not want to make pa-extra. I did not want to be a distraction. I did not want to show disrespect in any kind of way with my presence. I did not want to do anything that may cause him not to see his joy. I remember clearly the times that Pat and I would meet up after he would visit Jazz. Boy… his smile and his kwentos…he made me forget all my insecurities," she shared. Eventually, Nikka got used to the setup--she still has her insecure moments, but she had learned to let go.
It was when she and Patrick were planning their future together that Nikka realized that she had to face Jennylyn and overcome her insecurities. After calling on the power of prayer, Nikka reached out to Jennylyn with an invitation to meet for the first time. "I thought to myself, 'Lord, bahala ka na. You know what’s in my heart. If this is from You, then all will be well. If this is Your plan, then Jen will reply."
In less than five minutes, she got a text from Jennylyn, and the two ladies met and talked. Nikka described their first meeting as casual and peaceful. Nikka assured Jennylyn that she'll be a good supportive tita to Jazz. For her part, Jennylyn gave her blessing for Jazz to be part of the wedding.
When Nikka told Patrick about the meeting, she said that his face lit up, he hugged her tight, and said he loves her a million times. She wrote, "I knew in my heart that this was definitely God’s plan. God took away all my insecurity and replaced it with genuine admiration. He took away jealousy and replaced it with compassion. It was absolutely worth it. It was beyond priceless."
Nikka and Patrick now have two daughters, Chelsea and Patrice. "I have nothing but respect for Jen because she is the mom of Jazz. I know my place in Jazz’s life. I am and always will be his Tita Nikka who loves and cares for him genuinely." It is a prayer that has helped her overcome her feelings on insecurity.
Patrick took to Instagram and posted this wedding photo in response to Nikka's blog post. Read his message below (men, take notes because it is pitch-perfect!)
“I just want to let you know that you are kind, smart, loving, wise, nice, gorgeous, beautiful and sexy inside and out. Oh my love I'm telling you there was no reason to be insecure in the first place. You are the best for me! I love you.” All together now…awww!
Nikka's honesty is refreshing, and she speaks for many women who may not be in a similar situation but they certainly understand how insecurities can make you feel vulnerable (and paranoid!). Here are some takeways from this couple's story:
Learn where your insecurity comes from. The first step is to acknowledge your insecure feelings. Only then can you find out the real reason behind it. Denying it will only deflect the issue, and it can have serious consequences in your marriage. Don't act out your insecurities. It's a feeling--it's affecting you a great deal, but still a feeling--so it can just come and go. It's not your fault you feel insecure, but it's also not your partner's fault or his ex. The solution is within you, and only you can figure out and resolve your feelings.
Always see the positive in the situation.Remind yourself that your partner is not in a relationship with her ex anymore. Stop yourself from thinking how you and an ex measure against each other. You are unique from each other, and there's no point in comparing.
Put your relationship first.You need to let go and focus your energy into better things. If you and your husband are happy--and the kids are happy--that's the most important thing. Nikka puts premium Patrick's happiness, and it gave her the courage to deal with her issue.
Remember respect and kindess. It would be great to be friends with your partner's ex especially if they had a child together, like Nikka and Jen. It's doesnt' always happen, though. If not, then let respect guide your actions and remember to always be kind.