• On My Mind: "My Husband and I Didn’t Want Kids"

    This is why we changed our mind
  • On My Mind: "My Husband and I Didn’t Want Kids"
  • Seven years ago, I was newly married at 30 years old and at the height of my career. Once, someone asked me when we were planning to start a family, and my blunt answer was, “Oh, we don’t want kids”. The look on her face made me feel like I was the most evil person in the world.  

    Okay, let me rephrase that: it’s not that we don’t want kids; they just weren’t a priority. If we were to be blessed with them, that would be great; if not, I was fine with it also. My husband and I simply wanted to enjoy our first few years of marital bliss by traveling and dating. Also, we wanted to concentrate on our careers as there were so many opportunities that lay ahead of us: my husband had just opened his own company while I was about to be promoted.

    Our first three years of marriage went by so fast -- we went out on dinner dates after work four times a week, we travelled on a whim, and hung out with our friends. We did well in our individual careers. It was exactly as we had imagined it. We were living the life. However, as the days went on, accomplished as we were, we felt something was missing.

    On our fourth year of marriage, we both started to feel empty. We started looking for a deeper kind of fulfillment which we weren’t anymore getting from our careers. Is this all that a marriage is meant to be?

    Much as we hated to admit it, we knew we had to rethink where we were going with our life together. We knew – all signs pointed to it -- that it was time to consider having a baby. After all, we were ready financially, emotionally, and psychologically. Sure, we said we didn’t want one, but we could change our minds, right?

    As a first step, my husband asked me to go on sabbatical leave and prioritize our "baby project". However, I refused to give up the job that I had worked so hard for. Instead, I continued to work, while the doctor prescribed fertility drugs and shots. I felt that I could get pregnant while working. I did not.

    After three rounds of fertility drugs and shots, I still hadn’t conceived. Moreover, these were making me emotional, and I couldn't work efficiently.

    After a year of unsuccessful fertility procedures, I filed my indefinite leave from work. I went to yoga classes, had leisurely lunches with girlfriends, chose healthier food options, and underwent fertility acupuncture treatments weekly. Most importantly, I prayed to God to give us a baby.

    After two months, I became pregnant. It was a difficult pregnancy and I was asked to be on bed rest for the entire pregnancy.

    On our sixth year of marriage, twelve days after our wedding anniversary, I gave birth to twins -- a girl and a boy. I stayed home to care for them, and breastfed them exclusively for 4 months. I remember feeling so alive and fulfilled, tending to the needs of not one but two precious beings. As I write this, they had just turned two years old, and my husband and I have never been happier.

    I learned that sometimes we do not know what we want but God will eventually make us see; that He answers our prayers and even gives us more than we imagine we deserve. Truly, our twins are more than we could ask for – they were worth the long wait.

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    Name withheld upon request

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