Recently, Kris Aquino made headlines about the way she was dealing with a potential affair. She reportedly confronted a fan of husband James Yap. The story goes that the fan, Mayen Austria, was confiding in James Yap over being dumped by a boyfriend. Because of this, Kris Aquino allegedly went over to Austria’s home and confronted Austria’s mom. Whether or not you are for or against what Kris Aquino did, a lot of married moms are probably thinking about what they would have done if the situation happened to them.
Most Affairs Start as FriendshipsAccording to Dr. Willard Harley, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, “An affair usually begins as a friendship. You share problems with the other person, and that person shares problems with you.” Harley says that an affair becomes possible because the spouse sees this person regularly: a neighbor, a friend, a work mate or someone who shares a sport or hobby with them. The third party meets a need of your spouse’s.
Be 100% Transparent and OpenHarley advises that one way to prevent an affair from happening is to have a totally honest and open relationship with one’s spouse—you need to trust each other 100%. What about privacy? Shouldn’t you have your own space even if you’re married? Harley states, “If by privacy that person means keeping part of himself or herself hidden, I hold firm to my conviction that this word has no place between a husband and wife.” A husband or wife needs to be straight with their partner. There shouldn’t be any lies: whether white lies, “protective” lies or lies of omission.
Nip It in the BudAccording to Elizabeth Landers, co-author of THE SCRIPT: The 100% Absolutely Predictable Things Men Do When They Cheat, to prevent infidelity, you should nip it in the bud. She advises women not to turn the other cheek. Some women might not want to confront reality because they’re scared of being right, “but addressing it early, even with no concrete evidence, can help save the marriage," Landers says, "Speak up early because if you think something's wrong, it probably is. Trust your instincts. You will be much more likely to be successful in saving the relationship if you catch potential problems early."
Meet Each Other’s Real NeedsHarley, on the other hand, advises couples to meet each other’s needs completely. Wives might have completely different needs from husbands. Just because you think you are fulfilling what you think are the needs of your spouse, it doesn’t mean that the marriage is okay. Talk to your spouse and ask him or her directly. There’s nothing like getting it straight from your partner. Dealing with a potential affair means keeping your marriage strong first.