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Author Topic: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?  (Read 34833 times)

twelvth_goddess

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Re: tips pam pahaba ng pasesiya Please!
« Reply #225 on: February 08, 2012, 09:42:51 pm »
This is a battle that I'm currently at with myself. I'm a naturallly impatient person and I knew from the time I conceived that it can not stay that way. Plus, hinde ako talagang mahilig sa kids and it's only when I got pregnant that I started to appreciate and love kids.

I have a 16-month old daughter and she's at a stage na she wants to explore everything. Syempre given naman na malikot sila and makulit minsan. As much as possible ayoko sana sya masigawan and never ko sya papaluin talaga. I've been reading books regarding child discipline pero pag nasa situation ka na na mainit na ang ulo mo or pagod ka tapos hinde nakikinig, hinde mo maalala lahat ng nabasa or na-research mo. Case in point, kanina I had a rough time with my girl. Usually kase she takes a nap after her morning bath which is around 10am. Kanina, I knew she was sleepy na pero ayaw niya talaga mag-sleep and she kept on playing instead. Ilan beses ko sya nasigawan and dumating pa sa point na naiwasiwas ko sya ng konti habang karga kase naiinis ako talaga. But I felt really bad and I cried after that. Hinde ko gusto talaga, I felt like a monster when she was crying :(

I really hope I'd learn to be a better parent. I work and it makes me feel bad that I dont get to spend as much time as I want to with my daughter tapos may instances pa na ganito. It's true talaga na in parenting, the child is the teacher. I'm praying really hard that I become more patient. I wish that for you too.

annamariemomof3

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Re: tips pam pahaba ng pasesiya Please!
« Reply #226 on: March 13, 2012, 01:28:38 am »
I have three boys, a hyperactive 8 y o and 1 y o twins. I get it sis nakakapikon Talaga ang never ending nilang pag a away at pag iinggitan. Prayers help a lot. Since la ako helper minsan may mga pending chores ako tapos magkukulitan isip ko na Lang makapag iintay naman labada pero sila bukas makalawa Lang di na nila ako kailangan. Isipin mo Lang sis God gave you twins for a reason because He thinks you are pretty special.

twelvth_goddess

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Re: tips pam pahaba ng pasesiya Please!
« Reply #227 on: March 13, 2012, 03:01:17 am »
We're just humans lang din naman, syempre nauubos din ang patience especially pag pagod or masama pakiramdam. Pero it's up to us na din how we can cope with the situation. Sabe nga ni hubby, bata yan, hinde aastang matanda yan.

chococream

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Re: tips pam pahaba ng pasesiya Please!
« Reply #228 on: March 13, 2012, 05:14:04 am »
buti naman pala at hindi ako nagiisa sa continued struggle ko for patience sa daughter ko. Thankful din ako kasi si hubby patient sobra sa anak namin so I get inspiration galing sa kanya kung paano paatasin pa ng sobra ang patience.

I dont have a yaya eversince kasi, I do all the work sa bahay and work online. Kaya napapalo ko sya minsan kasi pagod na pagod na ako, gusto ko mag nap sandali pero sya gusto niya maglaro or lakas ng tv ayaw niya hinaan. Spoiled na din kasi kaya minsan na papalakas talaga palo ko sinilas pa pero 2x hits lang. Kahit na din kasi sakit ng kamay ko talaga after ng palo ko. Kaya I rest nalang I sleep it off, pag tapos na syang umiyak pinapatay ang tv at tumatabi matulog sa akin. Thankful din ako sa daughter ko kasi marunong na magpatay ng tv at dvd niya yong sa on and hehe...

I pray laki ng tulog most especially the SERENITY PRAYER nakaka pag gaan ng feeling ko pag sobra na bigat ng feeling ko kasi pagod at guilty. I explain naman din sa kanya pag medyo nagsubside na ang emotions. Buti at naiintindihan na din niya ako. Kaya now I try to exert talaga to brush it off nalang most of the time ano ginagawa nyang nakakairita.

wala kasi kasamang bata baby ko sa bahay, kaya papansin sya is sinisira niya ang mga toys, gamet niya, minsan pinupukpuk ang tv at dvd, nilalagyan ng kung ano ano ang electric fan,  biglang pull sa plug ang computer ko (eh di matatakot ka kasi koryente yon ginalaw nah) worst niya ginawa is umaandar ang electric fan binuhusan ng milk, na open kasi niya yong drinking cup. hai buti hindi nag short circuit, feel ko biglang lumabas ang soul ko pagka kita ko.


J0

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #229 on: March 14, 2012, 05:52:31 pm »
Para po sa lahat ng namamalo pa rin ng bata ang message na ito.

Paki-usap naman po...huwag nating papaluin ang mga bata.

Pag pinalo, sisirain po natin ang personalidad ng bata. 

Pangalawa, sa pamamalo natin, tinuturuan natin ang bata na mamalo at manakit...kahit pa magpaliwanag tayo kung bakit tayo namamalo.

Sa mga 1-3 years old, ang Language ay very abstract.  They need to be exposed to Language for many years, like us, to be able to decode and fully comprehend oral communication.  Small children learn instantly with actions and body movements.  Kaya kung paanong natutuwa siguro tayo na madali silang matutong magsayaw...ganon din ang bilis na matuto silang mamalo, mangurot o manghampas.

Pasensiya na kung mainit na naman ako sa topic na ito.  This week lang, nalaman ko na may kumukurot na classmate sa anak ko.  Ang huling nakarating sa akin ay tinulak na raw ang anak ko.  Nine years old na ang daughter ko at Grade 3 sa isang all-girls school.  Nag-report na kami sa homeroom teacher at sa Guidance Counselor.

Pinalaki namin ng maayos ang daughter namin.  She's very kind and caring to her classmates.  She will not respond with violence even if she is confronted by violence.

Sana po isipin natin ang epekto ng ginagawa natin, hindi lang sa anak natin, kundi ganoon din sa ibang tao.

Kung mali po ang gagawin natin habang 1-3 years pa lang ang bata, ang kamalian na iyon ay magpapatuloy hanggang sa paglaki niya. 

Nakailang ulit na po ako ng pakiusap na ito...na sana ay makatotohanan nating gamitin ang Smart Parenting - magbasa, magresearch, um-attend sa mga seminars, atbpa - nang hindi na natin ulitin ang mga maling practices ng mga nauna sa atin.

Bakit pinalo? Ano ang ginawa ng bata?

Tayo po ang matanda, ang magulang.  Tayo po ang mas may kakayahan na alamin ang dahilan.  Mag-research pa po tayo.

Malalaman po natin na sa stage na 1-3 years old, small children are testing their environment and their newly discovered senses.  Pabubulain nila ang laway nila, paglalaruan ang pagkain (tactile), magbabato ng utensils (visual, auditory), magbabasag (auditory)...in short aalamin nila kung ano mangyayari.  They're trying to understand their environment...help them, don't hurt them or ruin their notion of things.  Huwag maging extreme sa reaction.  Iligpit ng tahimik at normal lang kung may nagkalat. 

Ang problema ay ang parent na hindi alam ang gagawin.  Kung magagalit o maiinis at pagagalitan ang bata o kaya ay papaluin...lalo lang mauulit ang ganitong situation.  Malamang sa mga moments pa na gusto ng bata na makuha ang attention ng parent.

This stage usually occurs when the child is about 2 years old...kaya tinatawag ito na Terrible Two.  Kung palapak ang parenting, hindi nag-iisip at gagawin na lang ang iniisip na pinakamadaling reaction...ang mamalo.  Asahan natin, kasunod nito ang Terrorist Three.  Kung ayaw pa rin nating subukan ang maging Smart Parent...paghandaan po natin ang patuloy na ganitong situation hangang sa paglaki ng bata.

Sana, kahit kung school age na at apektado na ang ibang mga bata, like classmates ng anak natin... makapagdesisyon na tayo na baguhin na ang ginagawa natin. Hindi na po talaga tama kung apektado na ang iba.

   
Nasa ibaba po ang isa sa marami ko nang sinulat noon tungkol sa topic na ito.  Please stop teaching violence to children now.


---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Daddy Jojo
Date: Mon, Oct 16, 2006 at 1:36 PM
Subject: Re: namamalo si yaya, should i let her go?
To: smartparenting <smartparenting@lists.summitmedia.com.ph>


Ang pagpalo po ay child abuse.

Bakit ba pinapalo ang bata?  Meron bang matinong dahilan at kailangan mamalo?  Dahil ba naranasan din ng namamalo na paluin din noong bata? May kabutihan bang nagawa ang pamamalo?

Bata po iyan, bago pa lang sa mundo natin.  Tayong mga matatanda ang dapat magturo kung ano ang tama at mali.  Tayo ang nagkukulang ng pagtuturo, na hindi kasi nagbibigay ng panahon kaya hindi alam ng bata kung ano ang tamang asal.

Sorry ha, pero lumalabas ang violence ko sa ganitong topic.  Pag ako nakakita ng namamalo ng bata, lalo na dun maliit pa...mamamalo ako ng matanda!  At tulad ng ginagawa niya sa bata hindi ko sasabihin o ipapaliwanag kung bakit ako namamalo.  Magkita na tayo sa baranggay o sa korte, makulong na ang makulong.

What's worse than the physical pain inflicted here is the Psychological damage to the child.

Let us leave the primitive, brutal, uncivilized, senseless world behind and be smart parents.  Here's a quick start:
http://www.joburbank.com/Child_Development_and_Parenting.htm

Excerpt:

Psychosocial Theory – Erickson

Autonomy –vs- Shame and Self-Doubt (18 to 36 mos)

Also known as the terrible twos, this stage of development tests the child's ability to assert and develop his own will. It is as if the child is exploring his social world in an attempt to discover his limits. Parents who encourage their child while setting realistic limits will enable him to explore his environment and to establish a sense of self-confidence. Parents who are overly permissive or are overly harsh or demanding can overwhelm the child and lead him to develop a sense of shame or self-doubt.

Children who develop a healthy sense of their own autonomy are more likely to explore and may be more adaptable. Children who are raised without limits may have difficulty developing an appropriate respect for the consequences of their own actions. Children who grow up in a harsh, critical or overly controlled environment may end up feeling inwardly restrained and may have difficulty experimenting and adapting to new situations.

Initiative –vs- Guilt – (3-6 years)

At this stage of development children begin to develop the ability to make their own decisions. In the process they are also learning to develop a sense of accomplishment in the tasks they undertake. As younger children they may have been coming to the realization that they actually have choices. As they enter this new stage children begin to learn how to make decisions and what social and environmental limits they are subject to. In a rudimentary way they are learning to take into account the basic rules that enter into the decision making process. Children who are encouraged to make their own decisions and who are supported in an appropriate manner may develop a sense of accomplishment. If children are unsupported at this stage or if they are subjected to unrealistic expectations or demands they may react by feeling guilty or shameful.
« Last Edit: March 14, 2012, 06:29:43 pm by Daddy Jojo »

twelvth_goddess

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #230 on: March 14, 2012, 11:03:10 pm »
^Thank you so much for sharing this Daddy Jojo.

rianne_mallows

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #231 on: March 14, 2012, 11:37:58 pm »
i have a 17 months old girl.. ayoko din mamalo.. firm voice lang.. i watch my child like a hawk and follow her like a shadow so i let her be a kid..

so far twice pinalo ko lang hands niya nung tinatry niya ishoot yung fingers niya sa electric fan and yung tinry niya ishoot ulit yung fingers niya sa socket ng electricity because  safety risks yung mga yun.. i can childproof our house but not every place i take her to or places my folks take her to..

pinalo ko siya at those instances not because napikon ako, or nainis, or nabwisit... EVEN THOUGH  i watch my child like a hawk and follow her like a shadow, im still human..  paano kung nalingat ako or hindi ko napansin the next time she attempts to shoot her fingers sa fan?  sa electric socket? edi putol na fingers niya? edi patay na siya kasi nakuryente? i just cant risk that ..  bahala na if people call me a monster :(    these 2 items kasi sobrang takot ako sa mga ito because these 2 are almost always present sa lahat ng bahay..

as for kakulitan lang like pagkalikot sa dvd, panggugulo ng closet, paghagis ng kung ano ano, paglamutak sa food .. at kalikutan lang like pagpanik ng stairs, pagtakbo, magsusuot  kung saan saan,  etc,  what i do is just divert her attention into something else, or take her somewhere na hindi na niya makikita yung trigger..

siguro yung mentality din na "it's my fault" and not "its your falut" mentality helped me big time.. it keeps my reasoning/understanding of my child in check and thus, it takes a lot for her to make me angry..

-nung pinisil yung lotion costing 7k hanggang maubos, tapak-tapakan at ipahid sa pader... KASALANAN KO kasi iniwan ko sa abot niya..

-nung hinila niya yung laptop at bumagsak sa floor kaya nasira lcd,  KASALANAN KO kasi hindi ko binantayan mabuti

hindi naman ako masamang tao...
sadyang kapag nagsasabi ako ng totoo..
tinatamaan at tumatagos sa pagkatao mo

rianne_mallows

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #232 on: March 14, 2012, 11:52:45 pm »
@twelvth goddess  -  baby ko sis minsan ganyan din... sleepy na pero ayaw pa matulog.. what i do is drain her energy para para plakda after.. at 16 months nakikipaghabulan na din siguro si baby mo :)  habulan kasyo hanggang ma-low-bat siya

hindi naman ako masamang tao...
sadyang kapag nagsasabi ako ng totoo..
tinatamaan at tumatagos sa pagkatao mo

fashionistamom

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #233 on: March 26, 2012, 08:42:30 am »
joining.

same with my baby mga mommies. im having a hard time disciplining my 17 mos. daughter. Especially, pag nasa church kami yung baby ko takbo ng takbo talaga. When I discipline her naman nakatingin sa akin yung mga tao so medyo nahihiya me so what I do na lang is lumalabas na lang kami so minsan i missed yung homily ni father. Pero sabi nga nung isang friend namin na priest na hayaan lang daw basta dalhin pa rin daw si baby sa church problem na daw nung offciating priest yun :)

goodmornin

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #234 on: April 25, 2012, 10:35:51 pm »
The following quotations  come from the King James Version (KJV) of the Bible:

 Prov 13:24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently)."
 Prov 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying."
 Prov 22:15: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."
Prov 23:13: "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."
 Prov 23:14: "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel)."
 Prov 29:15: "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

palo lang naman, hindi naman bugbugan.. ;D we started spanking our daughter almost 2 y/o..now she's 3 yrs and 6 mos, we rarely spank her kase mas madai na sya i-correct...of course every time we spank her, there is a period of 'restoration" we talk to her, comfort her

of course in the end, iba iba naman po tayong parenting style. choose what you think is most applicable to your beloved child  ;)
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J0

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #235 on: April 26, 2012, 12:10:34 am »
HI everyone,

Please allow me to share a comment when this topic was discussed on April 2010 in a private Yahoo Group on Catholic Apologetic.


My mom who's a psychologist agrees with the article. And actually, we were spanked when we were kids (so please don't conclude that I'm "spoiled"! ) but my mom said when she learned better she realized it was wrong.

About the biblical verse "Spare the rod and spoil the child"...it should not be taken literally...as in, parents have to spank their kids. All it means is that parents should discipline their kids. Now, we have to keep in mind that while the hagiographers were inspired by God, God gave the hagiographers a bit of leeway in writing, so that they used figures of speech and other literary devices. They also wrote in terms of what the audiences of their time understood. At that time, knowledge of human psychology was limited so everyone thought spanking was ok and it was understood as the right (and maybe the only) way of disciplining kids). So it's no surprise that the author of that biblical verse wrote in terms of what people at that time understood as what disciplining kids meant.

The Bible is a book about Revelation...not a book about psychology, science, etc. The Bible is inerrant when it comes to the truths of the faith and of history, but it is not an authority on truths of science like psychology. To give another example, Christ said that the mustard seed is the smallest of seeds. It should not be taken literally as some scientists have discovered smaller seeds. But does this mean that the Bible is not trustworthy? Christ was not giving a botany lesson but was illustrating truths about the kingdom of God by speaking in terms of what his audience understood. It does not imply that Catholics have to believe that the mustard seed is the smallest of seeds.

Of course, if any psychologists in this group agree that the article on spanking kids is not sound, from the point of view of their discipline, please do so. My point is simply that just because the Bible says "Spare the rod and spoil the child", it means that God literally commands us to use spanking as a method of disciplining our children. There may be counter-arguments in favor of spanking, but the Bible verse is definitely not one of them.



Here's another, from an academic source:

T h e oft-quoted 'spare the rod and spoil the child" is in fact a misinterpretation of biblical teaching. Although the rod is mentioned many times in the Bible, it is only in the Book o f Proverbs (the words o f King
Solomon) that it is used in connection with child rearing. Solomon's methods worked very badly for his own son, Prince Rehoboam. I n the Bible, there is not support for hitting children outside o f Solomon's Proverbs. Jesus saw
children as being close t o God and urged love, not punishment.


Reasons t o N o t Hit Your Kids
By Jan Hunt
Source: EPPOCH (End Physical Punishment of Children)
T h e practice hitting children teaches them t o become hitters
.

Tiger Lily

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #236 on: April 26, 2012, 12:17:59 am »
Maybe several phrases could help.  A positive communication may aid in an effective style of compelling your child's obedience.  Please check this article:

Positive Parenting: 10 Phrases that will Make your Child Listen
Simply follow the Rules and Guidelines, and for sure... you'll never go wrong  ;)

chinadoll

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #237 on: August 01, 2012, 11:00:22 am »
Why are American Kids so spoiled?

“Juxtaposition of these developmental stories begs for an account of responsibility in childhood,” they wrote. Why do Matsigenka children “help their families at home more than L.A. children?” And “Why do L.A. adult family members help their children at home more than do Matsigenka?”

“The best way for a lot of us to show our love would be to learn to un-mother and un-father.” One practical tip that she offers is to do nothing when your adult child finally decides to move out.

“Never before have parents been so (mistakenly) convinced that their every move has a ripple effect into their child’s future success,” she writes. Paradoxically, Levine maintains, by working so hard to help our kids we end up holding them back.

“Most parents today were brought up in a culture that put a strong emphasis on being special,” she observes. “Being special takes hard work and can’t be trusted to children. Hence the exhausting cycle of constantly monitoring their work and performance, which in turn makes children feel less competent and confident, so that they need even more oversight.”

French children could sit calmly through a three-course meal; Bean was throwing food by the time the apéritifs arrived.

Druckerman talked to a lot of French mothers, all of them svelte and most apparently well rested. She learned that the French believe ignoring children is good for them. “French parents don’t worry that they’re going to damage their kids by frustrating them,” she writes. “To the contrary, they think their kids will be damaged if they can’t cope with frustration.”

Letting things slide is always the easiest thing to do, in parenting no less than in banking, public education, and environmental protection. A lack of discipline is apparent these days in just about every aspect of American society.

The notion that we may be raising a generation of kids who can’t, or at least won’t, tie their own shoes has given rise to a new genre of parenting books.


http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2012/07/02/120702crbo_books_kolbert

twelvth_goddess

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #238 on: September 07, 2012, 05:45:03 pm »
Recently, I have started teaching the art of compromising to my daughter. I started by making deals with her; after taking a bath, nagwa-watch muna kame ng TV sandale before she takes a nap. Lately napansin ko na nagiging mas matagal sya maka-sleep kase gusto inuulit ulit yung birthday video niya. So one time I told her 'after that game that they're playing (dun sa party video), I'm going to turn the TV off so we can take a nap.' She said yes naman pero by the time na natapos yung game and I reminded na I will turn the TV off na, she started crying. I let her cry it out lang hanggang sa tumigil and I reminded her na she agreed to turn it off after the game. For a couple of days  ganon kame, nababawasan ng pakonti-konti yung pagta-tantrums hanggang sa naging ok na.

Another example naman, we were playing in our room tapos she said she wanted to go downstairs. Ang daming toys niya na nakakalat so I said na we will go downstairs as soon as the toys have been kept inside the box. So she helped me naman hanggang sa naayos na namin. It's difficult pa din at times but I'm happy with what I'm seeing in her. Ang sarap ng feeling na may natuturo kang valuable sa anak mo :)

Mommyjazz

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #239 on: September 12, 2012, 04:26:09 pm »
"Spare the rod, spoil the child" ano ba talaga ang explanation about this? If I don't hit my child with a rod, does it mean I'm disobeying bible's teachings?

To Spank or Not to Spank: Pinoy Parents Speak Out
http://www.smartparenting.com.ph/parenting/pinoy-parenting/to-spank-or-not-to-spank-pinoy-parents-speak-out




« Last Edit: September 12, 2012, 04:45:26 pm by Mommyjazz »

 

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