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Author Topic: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice  (Read 2203 times)

ianthe

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bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« on: March 23, 2012, 07:39:56 PM »
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« Last Edit: August 08, 2012, 04:27:43 PM by ianthe »

jaiel

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2012, 10:14:26 PM »
The first thing you need to do is to talk to your husband calmly. Explain to him that there are things that should be kept within the four corners of your house. Next is to stop blaming. The house is already built (I assume) and it was done with permission from you and your husband. If you could think of any remedy, you may do so. But as of now, you need to make your husband understand that both of you should be contented with the outcome of your house.


Regarding with your MIL, talk to her also and apologize if she felt like you were taking her actions badly. Explain to her that it is not your intention to hurt her in any way she was affected with your issue. This may not patch things up instantly but trust me, it will help.


*POV

chococream

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2012, 02:51:59 AM »
before talking to your husband or anything else. Gather the courage muna to go through things with yourself. ano ba buttons mo, bat kayu hindi masyado nagkakaintindihan ni hubby mo and etc. after that usap kayu ng masinsinan ni hubby mo, extend patience sis, kasi diba asawa natin seaman, iba na ang teimpo niya kung nasa baba at kung nsa laot kaya iba iba din ang reaction niya.

calmly explain your feelings and ang nakikita mo na hindi dapat. explain mo sa kanya as a couple ang privacy ng inyong mga conversations, ok andun na tayo na medyo me pagka mama's boy si hubby mo. Ganyan din naman hubby ko, madali makinig sa mga siblings niya at mom niya, and sometimes ang output hindi maganda...pero ako kasi i work around it, pag tinanong niya ako if ok lang bah...i go at it as a suggestion, he is my king after all so sa kanya ang decision sa final, if disappointed sya sa nangyari, i know naman na he knows sana hindi sya nakinig sa mga sulsul diba...but instead of blaming...why not encourage him nalang to work around the outcome.

I.correct or hanapan kung saan ma correct at mapaganda ang bahay. Marami naman talagang solustion sis if hindi nalang papatulan ang init ng ulo.

dun sa mother in law mo, punta ka dun. Act as if wala lang, wait sa pag brought up ni MIL mo ang topic. And if ma brought up dun mo sya kausapin with motherly respect, dont blame her nalang, as i understand her para din kasi syang naghahanap ng attention ng anak niya, considering meron ng new family ang baby boy niya.  Sabihin mo nalang na hindi mo nagustohan and etc. pero i.encourage mo si MIL na ok lang naman din ...ganito nalang gawin natin siguro....

Out of TOpic sis,  BAKIT nga pala nasa MIL mo ang budget sa pag construct ng bahay ikaw ang asawa diba, kahit wala ka pa masyadong alam tungkol sa pagmanage ng construction etc. supposedly ikaw yon maghandle ng pera, slap naman on my face yan sis, kasi you appear na sideline ka lang dyan. Training ground mo na sana yan on how to handle the finances and hands on sa family.

sarsi

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2012, 06:26:39 AM »
i agree w/  sis chococream

you're the wife, dapat lang ikaw ang mag handle ng money, kung hindi ka pahahawakin pano ka matututo, at kung hindi ka matututo ngayon, kelan pa?

sarsi

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2012, 06:32:15 AM »
and bdw, ako den bad shot sa inlaw ,

iba naman ang case ko,  nung bf/gf pa lang kasi kami ni hubby eh masyado sya  babaero (haist)  kaya lagi kami nag aaway and hindi man sa harap ng in laws ko pero ramdam nila and sa akin pa sila naiinis dahil hindi pa daw kami mag asawa eh "masyado na daw ako mahigpit" sa bf ko. duh so pag kasal lang ba dapat faithful ang guy? kainis!!!

chococream

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2012, 09:11:27 AM »
@sarsi,

ok lang yan sis, in time makikita din naman nila ang bad influence and effect sa inyong dalawa ang ganun. wag mo nalang pansinin.

nanaynilaelijahatjacob

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #6 on: November 25, 2012, 01:57:43 AM »
I wish I could still read the original post, although based on the replies, I could tell na one problem is on decision making particularly coming from the in-laws and the handling of the finances....

this reply is not to give advice, actually, this is to share the same sentiments...

although hindi ko masyadong problem ang decision-making, ang problema ko is how hubby treats me vs. his mom and sister. most times kasi nakakapikon sya mag-react on circumstances that involves whoever. meaning, pag ako ang may mistake, he reacts violently. pero pag sila (MIL and/or SIL), super to the nth power ang understanding na binibigay niya. to give a concrete example, there was an incident na nahulog yung panganay namin from his playpen. for everybody's info, that time po, mag-isa lang ako sa house. I resigned from work to take care of our 1st born. the story was after giving our son a bath, i placed him inside his playpen. he was already more than 1 yr. old then so nakakatayo na, na and he's already learning to climb... anyway, after giving him a bath, ako naman ang naligo, while nakabantay pa rin sa baby namin. after taking a bath, i started with my daily ritual, combing hair, putting on some lotion... then, suddently, di ko napansin nakaakyat pala yung baby namin sa playpen and fell on the floor! i was so shocked, picked him up right away and held him tight, prayed hard that nothing serious happens to him after that fall... i called hubby up to tell him what happened kasi ayoko naman kasing maglihim sa kanya especially when it comes to our son. upon hearing the story, he yelled at me on the phone and told me "nagresign-resign ka sa trabaho tapos ganyan???!!!!" as if sobrang pabaya kong ina for "letting" him fall on the floor! and it hurt me so bad....

versus... this incident, yung bunso namin, biglang nagising from a nap. my MIL and I were in the same room also. nung nagising si baby, he went to the edge of the bed, mabilis kasing gumapang tong si bunso... MIL was the one who saw him crawl to that spot, she called my attention, so therefore, dalawa na kaming nakabantay at baka nga mahulog.. si MIL, aktong pupuntahan na si baby, while ako, nasa likod na nga niya (MIL). di ako makagalaw kasi my mind was telling me, kung pupuntahan ko si baby nang andun sa front si MIL at a position na papunta na din  kay baby, chances are, magbabangga lang kami, mas malaking disgrasya dahil magrarambol na kami dun! so what happened, natuluyang malaglag si baby nang wala sa amin ang naka-rescue kasi nga pareho kaming natigilan... MIL's reason kung bakit sya natigilan is baka daw magulat, matakot, kung bigla syang (baby) i-grab, lalong malaglag. ako naman un nga, as mentioned earlier...  and so, i called hubby again (this time re: bunso's falling) and told him about it. you know what is reaction was??? he just said, "ok lang yan, ATLEAST DALAWA KAYONG NANJAN."  ....... HUH???? ATLEAST DALAWA KAMI???? e nung ako lang mag-isang nagbantay sa baby namin, kulang mo na kong murahin, ngayon since involved si mommy mo OK LANG?????

marami pang incidents actually, hindi lang si MIL, pati kay SIL... what i'm saying is, hubby's treatment towards me vs. his family is soooooooooooooooo different, it breaks my heart...  :'(

iamsheymareie

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2013, 11:44:03 PM »
same here @ nanaynilaelijahatjacob  :( :( nakasad minsan... i talked to him about it... medyo ok ok na ngayon... pero sana nga tuluyanna maging fair

bhea-bhea

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2013, 02:02:05 AM »
ako rin naman mga sis  hindi rin kami in good terms ng inlaws ko, pati SIL until time heals everything.. Sabi nga nila "We can forgive but never forget" as of now casual na lamang kami pag umuuwi sa inlaws ko for my husband family niya pa rin yun,

 good thing na naman na nangyari sa akin ay ako ang pinagtanggol ng hubby ko. Pero parehas ako galit sa family niya at kay hubby that time. Nagloko kasi si hubby nun.. Masama I was on my 8th month that time na pagbubuntis. I hide it from my family hanggang sa nakapanganak ako at hindi ko na kinaya. Kinausap ko na mom ko and then my mom told me na "why don't you text your MIL she can help you to talk to his son about your problem". Ayun tinext ko na. ang reply sa akin "asan ang anak ko? ano ginagawa sayo dyan sa anak ko.wag ka mag-alala kami bahala sayo anak magsabi ka lang sa amin at tatangapin ka namin ng maluwag dito sa bahay" AYOS diba..Ano akala niyo sa family ko walang pinag-aralan? grabe ang sakit nun mga sis, para akong sinampal magkabila. Akala ko tanggap ako ng ILS ko yun pala naghihintay lang sila ngparaan o rason para paghiwalayin kami. Ang sama-sama ng loob ko pero inintindi ko sila dahil anak nila yun ehh syempre kahit ano ginawa ipagtatanggol pa rin nila. After few days pinauwi ko siya para makapag-isip ako pa nabigla, 2 days na di pa umuuwi, but i'm still hoping na balikan niya kami 2 ng baby ko.. umuwi siya kinahapunan. I got mad na and ask him ano ba ang pinag-usapan nila. and he said sadly na "Sabi ng priest na kakilala namin walang karapatan kahit ang aswa pakielaman ang cellphone mo, bakit mo pinapayagan.".Gulat na gulat ako  hindi ko maisip na ganun pala ang sinasabi nila pagtalikod ko. Pinagtatanggol naman  ako ni hubby pero masakit talaga sa akin na feeling ko wala akong kakampi. Sila lang andun ehh ako andito sa mama ko. After nun hindi na siya tinigilan tawagan ng nanay niya umuwi muna siya dun. Baka daw kinakawawa siya, ehh kahit ganun ang ginawa sa akin nung husband ko inintindi siya ng mama ko pinapakisamahan siya kahit ang sama na ng loob niya. Tapos kinasunuran na araw maririnig ko na lang na nagtatalo sila ng nanay niya na pinapauwi ulit siya. Ang sabi naman ni hubby hindi siya uuwi dito kami nakatira. Sabay sagot ba naman na "Kung ayaw umuwi nila Faye ikaw na lang ang umuwi". Tama ba yon siya lang? Paano kami? Paano yung kasalanan niya? Ok lang? Basta may sumuporta lang sa kanila ulit?PInaintindi ng asawa ko na siya may kasalanan at dapat siya bumawi sa amin at gusto niya kami panindigan 2 ng baby ko. But her family still consisting na umuwi na lang siya dun at weekends na lang siya uuwi dito.Nadurog masyao ang puso ko sa ginagawa nila sa akin..

Ang husband ko pinaglaban kami,from that day na nakipag-away siya dahil sa mga sinabi ng MIL ko sa akin hindi na niya ito kinausap kahit cinocontact siya sa kung saan-saan hindi naman sila makapunta dito. Takot at hiya lang nila sa mama ko. Last October umuwi na kami for a peace of mind. Umiyak ang ILS ko pati hubby pero ako hindi. I dont know why hindi ako naawa sa kanila. Sa lahat ng ginawa nila ganun lang.

As of now mukhang galit na naman ata ang IL's ko sa akin dahil akala nila na ako ang may ayaw tumira dun ulit. Ayaw na rin ni hubby kasi ayaw ko.ako lang NO-NO talaga alam ko na magiging kawawa kami dun ng baby ko. Pinipilit na naman kasi nila si hubby na tumira dun.. Haaay walang katapusang cycle ng pagsasama namin na pinipilit dun kami tumira. Reason? Financial Matters ayaw nila maghirap. One day Millionaire sila hindi sila marunong magtipid which is kabaligtaran ng family ko.


sensya na po sobrang haba.. short-cut na nga yan.. natatandaan ko pa rin talaga as in every detail lahat ng ginawa nila at sinabi nila kahit CS ako.. madami pa yan. Nakaregister lahat sa utak at puso ko..ngayong naalala ko..kumukulo dugo ko :( >:(

imiyeeyesiam

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2013, 01:55:49 AM »
@ sis bhea-bhea..nakarelate namam ako sayo..kaya talagang pinipilit ko na panindigan na nakabulod kami kesa kasama ang mga iLs..sana maging ok naman na :)

bhea-bhea

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2013, 02:02:55 PM »
tama ka sis.. ako gusto ko na rin bumukod talaga.. pero eto andito pa rin kami sa parents ko.. Sooner bubukod na rin kami para wala na masabi IL's ko sa akin..kaya natin to sis..walang mahirap basta kasama ang family natin :D

momchronicles

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2013, 02:43:14 PM »
Hi sis! I'm a seafarer's wife and a part-time blogger.  Here' are my tips on how to get along with in-laws..Hope you'll check this out and find some inspiration in here.  God bless :)

http://momchronicles.com/lessons-i-learned-from-my-in-laws

imiyeeyesiam

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Re: bad shot sa inlaw....need advice
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2013, 09:59:08 PM »
Thank you momchronicles..inspirasyon ka.. ;D

 

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