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  • Pwedeng Magpahinga: Bakit Ba Ang Pagiging Nanay Kailangan May I-Give Up?

    Huwag ma-guilty kung inaalagaan mo ang iyong sarili.
    by Ana Gonzales .
Pwedeng Magpahinga: Bakit Ba Ang Pagiging Nanay Kailangan May I-Give Up?
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  • Ilang beses kang nakakaramdam ng guilt sa tuwing magpapahinga ka ng ilang minuto pagkatapos ng iyong mga gawaing bahay o 'di kaya pagkatapos mong mapatulog ang iyong mga anak?

    Gaano kadalas mong maramdaman na wala kang kwentang magulang sa tuwing gagawa ka ng isang bagay na nagpapasaya sa iyo?

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    Isa na siguro sa mga pinakamadalas maramdaman ng mga magulang (bukod sa takot) ay ang guilt. Sabi nga ni mommy Cesz Azana, miyembro ng aming Facebook group na Smart Parenting Village, malaki ang papel ng lipunan sa kung bakit madalas makaramdam ng guilt ang mga magulang.

    "Society has this skewed standard na once you become a parent you must give up absolutely everything for your kids," paliwanag niya. "That you need to sacrifice every bit and aspect of ourselves for our children. It is especially hard for moms. There is that 'kapag nanay ka na dapat anak mo na lang iniisip mo'" dagdag pa niya.

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    Maraming mga magulang sa Village ang sumang-ayon kay mommy. Binigyang diin niya na mahirap maging ina, ngunit mas nagiging mahirap ito dahil sa expectations ng mga tao. "My first born was a high maintenance baby. He was too clingy, so fussy, and cries often. He was healthy, not colicky, but just plain tough to handle. It was hard. I was a first-time mom and mostly on my own," kwento niya.

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    Ayon kay mommy, nagiging mas mahirap ang pag-aalaga sa bata kapag mayroong pressure na dapat alam mo lahat. "You can't say you are dead tired [or] your arms are about to fall [off]. [You can't say you're] sleepy or that you hate the way you look," paliwanag niya. "You can't say that, [or] else you are a bad mom."

    Isa sa mga taong lubos na tumulong sa kanya ay ang kanyang asawa. Kwento ni mommy, ano man ang naging choices niya para sa kanilang anak, sinuportahan ito ni daddy. "For the sake of my son, I pulled myself together and lived like a zombie, still sticking to perfect mom rules until my husband came home from work abroad a few weeks later," pagbabahagi niya.

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    Pero nang magsabi siya sa asawa niya ng pinagdadaanan niya, naintindihan nito kung anong kailangan ni mommy—pahinga. "He told me, that it is not the type of milk that matters. It is whether we are feeding him or not. And he is right! We mix fed our son up until the can was used up. I was able to breathe and regain my sanity. And from then on, we [exclusively breastfed our son] until he was almost two," kwento niya.

    Aminado naman si mommy na kapag magulang ka na, marami ka talagang kailangang isakripisyo, pero hindi ibig sabihin nito ay papayagan mong umabot ka sa puntong nakokompromiso na ang iyong mental wellbeing. "Parents should make sacrifices, yes—but make those that count and matter big time," pahayag niya.

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    "Maligo ka," payo ni mommy. Kung kailangan mo ng ilang minuto ng katahimikan, okay lang 'yan. Hindi ka dapat mawalan ng panahon sa sarili mo dahil lang sa nanay (o tatay) ka na. "You may have become a mother but you are still a daughter, a wife, a friend, a sister.. you are still you," paliwanag ni mommy. "The true sacrifices [are] more than the milk and the diaper choices."

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    Para naman sa mga kapawa magulang ni mommy, narito ang payo niya: "Parents, don't be guilty of self-care or self-love. Putting yourself first sometimes is not selfishness. And stop shaming people who are brave enough to admit that parenthood is hard. [Being] a perfect parent is a pipe dream."

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