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'I'm A First Time Mom Who Felt Like I Was Going To Be An Absolutely Horrible Mom'
  • 'Para bang ang sama-sama kong nanay at wala akong kwenta'

    'Feeling ko napakawalang kwenta kong ina'

    These are just some of the sentiments of moms in the Smart Parenting Village, our online community of over 80,000 parents. We have been receiving stories from women who felt like they lost their identity and self-worth when they became mothers.

    One of the recent posts was from an anonymous mom. She confessed that she is a stay-at-home mom who is trying to find a job, and she feels like she has no contribution to their family.

    She said, "Paano po kayo nakaka-handle ng situation na ganito: yung pressure coming from your partner pero hindi naman niya sinasabi personally, pero tuwing pag nag-o-open up ka na magtatayo ng maliit na stall sa harap ng bahay niyo, eh babarahin ka niya at sasabihin may other priorities pa kami."

    She adds, "I feel so down kasi para bang wala akong na-i-cocontribute sa life namin. I have a 7-year-old na hindi ko maiwan kasi walang mag-aalaga kaya hanap-hanap pa din ako ng [work-from-home job]."

    These feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy can be a symptom of depression, according to Very Well Mind. It can affect your daily routine and cause stress. That is why it is important to know what you can do to manage these difficult feelings and seek help.

    READ ALSO: I Was Happy to Be a Wife and a Mom. I Also Wanted to Be Someone Else

    Viv Hernandez, 33, a homeschooling mom and a worship leader, resonates with the anonymous mom. 


    In an interview with Smart Parenting, Viv said, "Women are plagued with so much pressure of being what the world thinks they should become. In fact, you can already identify what God wants you to be based on the purpose that He has put in your life."

    For Viv, who is also an advocate for sexual assault survivors, shared that being a first-time mom was an absolute challenge for her. She opened up to Smart Parenting that she even went through postpartum depression. "It clouded my judgment, it made me feel like I was gonna be an absolutely horrible mom. I didn't know how to get out, until I sought for help, and I asked other women to support me."

    READ ALSO: 'Motherhood Is Going To Change You, And You May Or May Not Like It'

    Tips for moms to regain your self-worth

    Viv is one of the speakers in the upcoming Jewels Conference, which seeks to empower women in their personal journey of balancing their roles, careers, and dreams. Here, she shared some tips on how moms can learn how to regain their self-worth.

    1. Practice gratitude

    "Allow it to be a discipline. Every single day, think about something to be grateful for. If you can't find anything, look at your child, your family that God has given you as a gift," Viv said.

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    2. Be vulnerable

    When you feel like you don't know what you are doing, may it be with your day-to-day tasks as a mom, or for big decisions in life, Viv says you have to be honest with yourself and ask for support.

    "Allow yourself to seek help. Surely, women are just waiting for you to reach out to them, and they would gladly help you."

    3. Embrace your womanhood

    For moms like the anonymous mom who feels worthless just because she cannot contribute financially to their family, Viv tells you that this is just a phase.

    "This season of being a mom is part of your womanhood. The more that you embrace it, the more that you will come to realize the miracle of what motherhood truly means, and what you can offer the world through this beautiful mission that God has set for you."

    It takes a village

    For moms who are feeling down and inadequate, perhaps your healing may not happen overnight, but know that there are people around you who can help you. 

    Viv calls on husbands to be present with their wives more when they express feelings like these.

    "Husbands, really, you are your wives' partners. You have to hold her hand through this journey. Allow her to feel secure that you can figure this out together. As first-time parents, it's so daunting to even realize that you are taking care of a human being. Listen to her stories - lahat ng kwento kahit gaano kababaw, lahat ng reklamo, because they need your support. You are part of the village that is required to raise this child."


    READ ALSO: What Husbands Need to Remember About Postpartum Depression

    And for those who feel like that they don't have partners in their parenting journey, know that you are not alone. A community is here to support you.

    Viv said, "Being part of a community is a gift. To be able to observe, watch, and witness how other families raise their own families, how other marriages evolve through realizing their new mission as parents. It's such a gift to have that resource available to you - to be able to ask questions, to be able to just share your heart and thoughts."

    "One day, you might be the resource person that some new parent will ask help from," she adds.

    Viv Hernandez is the wife of JPaul Hernandez, a member of the Smart Parenting Dad Squad.

     JPaul is also a resource speaker in the Jewels Conference happening on July 2, 2022, along with Love Cosio, a member of the Smart Parenting Mom Squad. JPaul will talk about how to date healthily and build significant relationships, while Love will talk about how to live a mindful, present, and fulfilling live.

    Get your online tickets at www.jewelsconference.com, and get 30-day access to the sessions.

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