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  • Change the Way You Love: 5 Books That Can Help You Get Along With Hubby Better

    Especially if you often end up arguing about the simplest things.
    by Ana Gonzales .
Change the Way You Love: 5 Books That Can Help You Get Along With Hubby Better
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  • Anyone who is married (or even those in long-term relationships) can tell you it's not a walk in the park, especially once the honeymoon phase is over. In his relationship book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman said most people enter marriage by way of the in-love phase. It’s that 'electrical shock' you feel when you meet someone whose physical characteristics and personality traits trigger your "love alert" system. This is the time when you’re blind to their other qualities.

    According to relationship expert Monica Parikh of School of Love NYC, the honeymoon phase typically ends at about the three-month mark of being a couple. This is because earlier on in the relationship, each person focuses on the similarities between them more than anything else. When the realities of the relationship start to kick in, like planning for the future, organizing budgets, and handling conflicts, things start to become difficult.

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    If you’re currently experiencing some difficulties in your marriage, reading self-help books can guide you both in getting what you need out of your relationship. Here are five books that can help:

    Toxic In-Laws by Susan Forward

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    No relationship is safe from outside forces as we've previously discussed in this SmartParenting.com.ph article— that’s exactly what Dr. Susan Forward’s book is for. "When you have in-law problems, you have marriage problems," Forward said. But once you understand the complex system that connects you, your husband, and your in-laws, it can make a huge difference in the way you relate to one another.

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    If your in-laws are overbearing, critical, or controlling and they often intrude, judge, or impose their own beliefs, you can turn to this book for help. Forward can teach you effective coping mechanisms and communication techniques to prevent your in-laws' behaviors from jeopardizing your marriage. 

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    The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman

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    You've probably already heard this before: One of the secrets to a lasting marriage is communication. But how can you communicate effectively if you don’t know how to talk to your husband? Dr. Gary Chapman said relationships grow better when we understand each other.

    One of the most important things you will learn in his book is how everyone gives and receives love differently. So just because your husband doesn't voluntarily wash the dishes or do the laundry, it doesn't mean he loves you any less. He probably only has a different way of showing you he loves you. This book can help you and your husband identify your love languages in order to relate to each other better. Our moms in Parent Chat are also all for Dr. Chapman's book. Read how discovering your partner's love language can help your marriage here.

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    The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Wiener Davis

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    You'd think sex would come naturally to all married and long-term couples, but it doesn't. This especially applies to couples who already have children. Sometimes, life becomes so demanding that you just no longer have any time for sex. But making love, much like open communication, is an integral part of a successful marriage. It's one of the most intimate ways to connect with your partner. Licensed clinical social worker, marriage and family therapist Wiener Davis offers useful and practical suggestions on how to break through a sexual dry spell.

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    That Book for Wives by Sally Poyzer

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    At the beginning of the book, you will already see that it's written specifically for wives. This is especially helpful since a lot of books about marriage are directed to the husband and wife. It empowers wives to stop waiting for their husbands to change and start making changes in themselves instead. It sounds like a lot of sacrifice, but when you understand yourself more, it changes how you interact with your husband. In turn, it changes how your husband responds to you.

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    According to Poyzer, every husband needs his wife to: accept him, not correct him, respect him, not direct him, connect with him, not neglect him, and have sex with him, not reject him. To the strong, independent women of today, it sounds like you’re compromising your own needs, but if you read through the book you’ll find that the tips are more about improving yourself than anything else.

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    Fight Your Way to A Better Marriage by Greg Smalley

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    Goodreads calls this relationship book counterintuitive—after all, who wants to constantly deal with arguments? Fighting Your Way to A Better Marriage talks about how conflict is one of the doorways to intimacy and understanding, especially when it's handled correctly. Dr. Greg Smalley will walk you through the many faces of conflict through anecdotes of his own experiences with  his wife. He uses his fears and emotional triggers as examples along with skills, concepts, and exercises to teach you to fight fair.

    A successful marriage requires an open mind, a lot of patience, and plenty of hard work. Working on your relationship with your husband can also help you become better parents to your children.

    If it's starting to feel like you and your husband have become roommates (and when a relationship book no longer helps), maybe it's time to spice things up a bit. This article will show you how.

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