Romance was easy when you and your then-boyfriend/fiancé were in those dog days of dating. Flowers, romantic dates, trips out of town, random surprises, cheesy texts and phone calls—everything brimmed over with sticky, gooey romance, didn’t it? But what do you do when your ex-boyfriend (read: hubby) has forgotten all about those things that swept you off your feet? How do you keep from taking your marriage for granted when the sparks have stopped flying?
The truth is, there is no Cupid’s arrow to reawaken your spouse’s romantic antics! But there are ways to teach your spouse to romance you without him feeling like he’s being lectured on Romance 101.
The key to stoking the flames of romance is to make your lover feel like they’re your number one priority. The fact is, men respond to you when you’re 100 percent focused on them and their needs. You may be craving for him to shower you with your idea of romance, but he needs a little help to sense your hints. Pave the way for romance by anticipating his needs, listening to him and paying attention. Simple things like getting him a cold beer before he asks for one, making his favorite steak, or letting him watch what he wants on TV when he seems stressed are ways to show that you believe his needs are equally important as yours.
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Years of marriage have made you and your spouse so comfortable with each other. Marriage does that, sometimes to the point that you and your hubby dress up in front of each other without taking second glances! According to human behavior expert and author Keith Albow, M.D., the key to restoring the feeling of closeness between you and your husband is investing in a strategy that “reawakens some of the feelings that drew you together to begin with.” For starters, make your bedroom a cozy haven instead of a catchall: clear out messy spaces, fix the bed, opt for some subtle lighting. At bedtime, slip into some sexy lingerie (if you haven’t in a while) instead of your usual boxers and tank top. Little hints like this can help pique your hubby’s curiosity!
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Dr. Albow says, in addition, that wives should “tap into [their] husband's innermost thoughts (and he yours), [but] not to dramatically change him.” This is essential to getting your spouse to romance you, because it establishes an emotional connection. Show your spouse how much you appreciate his likes and interests; these are the aspects of his character that make him different from you. Tell him how great he’s doing on his exercise program, how proud you are of a healthy food choice he made. Watch his favorite TV shows with him, even if you don’t like them. Praise him when he takes care of a pest problem or fixes something that’s broken. A bit of ego massage helps you reconnect with him, eventually opening up avenues to intimacy. Photo courtesy of Universal Studios
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A lot of ladies think men are intuitive; they’re not, much to the ire of many a wife! Most men are clueless when it comes to knowing what their spouses want in terms of romance and intimacy, but they shouldn’t be found at fault. Men are just built differently—that’s why you can’t fault your hubby for bringing you pizza and root beer when he isn’t even aware that you’re avoiding carbs! If you want to get your spouse to romance you, be vulnerable and tell him that you’d like him to show his adoration for you with a little more than just a nightly peck on the cheek. He’ll surely appreciate you being upfront with him!Photo courtesy of Dark Fields Production
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In her book Project Happy Ever After: Saving Your Marriage Before the Fairy Tale Falters, author Alisa Bowman narrates that creating a list of “acts of affection” can help outline romance in simple ways. It may sound silly, but listing down acts of affection or adoration that you want your husband to do for you can help greatly in shattering those jaded walls of familiarity! Make him a list with specific instructions on how to romance you. For example: “Kiss me on the lips in front of people,” “Lie on the garden with me while we watch the stars,” “Tell me I’m beautiful,” “Put your dishes in the sink, even if no one tells you to,” and other specific things that are meaningful to you. You can write suggestions on his calendar, too. He may not show it, but your hubby appreciates it when you are frank and direct about romance. I know; my own husband finds it irresistibly cute!