Is Your Marriage Flirt-Proof? Here's How To Deal With A Co-Worker Who Flirts With Your Husband

Have you heard of “woman’s instinct?” It’s the ability of a woman’s to read facial expressions, body language, or even motives of people even before they make the next move. Is it always right? It depends on how clouded the emotions can get or how familiar a woman is with the situation.

But how can a wife use her “woman’s instinct” to determine if someone is fooling around and flirting with her husband? We all know that any married person would not want this to happen but sometimes there are people who get attracted to your spouse and may test their boundaries. It can range from a playful act to a more serious and deeper interaction.

How does a husband protect and “flirt-proof” their marriage? How can a wife communicate her concerns when her woman's instinct alerts her? In a situation where an outsider threatens to cross the boundaries built and set by a couple who found love in each other’s arms, here's our advice.

Read the signs

You cannot be too paranoid but you cannot be naive, too. When you sense that something is not right, you have to protect your “fence” at all cost. Remember that your marriage and family life is at stake.

According to Love: One of the things I like about Dreus is that he is gentleman but is not too friendly with women. I remember during the years we were still serving in the youth ministry, I noticed how he could be approachable yet careful when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. But throughout the years that we were dating and even now that we are married for more than eight years, I would tell him when I am not comfortable with someone (either at work or even in service).

According to Dreus: Love, on the other hand, becomes my potential risk radar, especially for blindside situations. Not that people are always coming to you with a flirt alert, but also in making sure that both of us will not enter a situation that we will be either the one that makes the flirt move or enter an environment of possible flirting.

How will you know when someone is flirting with your husband?

1. The woman exerts effort to be involved in your husband’s life. She wants to be updated. She’ll want to know what your husband likes and dislikes. She’ll give him all the attention and let him know she exists.

2. She communicates with words and actions. She calls, sends message (even after working hours or even not related to work or business). Her eye contact is different, her smile can be seductive and her hand gestures can send signals.

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3. She tries to impress your husband -- with her clothes, her manner of speech, and may even try to outshine you. You may also notice that she does not include you in the conversation or is not interested about your family except your husband and your in-laws. In short, she’s trying to be a copycat or better version of your role.

4. It can start to be a simple and safe friendship yet the girl wants your husband to be her safe place and safe space. The hero and comrade in her most vulnerable moment. Then the pact of two people knowing something just between the two of them begins. Vulnerability to the opposite sex may lead to the possible threat of outside marriage intimacy.

Respond, rather than react

Do the signs mentioned above match the actions of your husband’s co-worker? Then it’s safe to confirm that she’s into him. Whether it is something serious or just for fun, no person in his/her right state of mind would try to destroy a happy marriage.

But what will you do now? Should you confront? Here’s our take.

Do not confront right away. Instead observe and assess what you can and should do.

How can you assert your role as a wife without playing the game of the woman? Remember, you are the queen of your king. Don't look desperate nor too complacent.

Best thing to do is to talk to your husband about it. For Dreus, he remembers when Love mentioned that she is not comfortable with women joking about crushes or matching officemates that are in a relationship or married.

According to Dreus: I heed this to protect my marriage. I steer clear from conversations and jokes that can give the wrong signal to others. Remember, we give permission for people to flirt with us depending on our actions, responses, and conversations. We give the impression, “Pwede pala ako makipag extreme green jokes sa tao na 'to,” “Pwede pala ako humawak at umakap sa kaniya ng walang  malisya, ok lang sa kaniya”. 

We do not have control over other people. Yes we can influence, but the main person we have control of is ourselves.

This is the main weapon of couples. Choosing to be the strength and protector of each other. So instead of confronting the other person, "carefront" and communicate with your spouse.

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There's no smoke if there's no fire

A senior couple living a retired life suddenly had a heated argument. The husband attended a highschool reunion. Their barkada started to have more time reconnecting as friends. Creating their own Facebook group chat and scheduled meet-up. Simpleng kwentuhan, tawanan, catch up.

But then the wife saw a group picture where her husband’s arm over the shoulder of his girl classmate. Plus the messages in the group chat being too friendly. The husband’s defense? Walang malisya, walang intention, ganito talaga ako sa kaibigan ko.

It is true that people have their own love expressions. Some through words, some are touchy with no intention, but if your spouse says he/she is not comfortable with it, you have to do something about it. Your spouse should always be your priority.

If someone gets hurt, it will never be fun. This will also prevent a big fire that can start from very small harmless-looking friction.

What can help a man is to maintain healthy distance. We can be friendly but not disrespectful to our marriage.

Honesty is also important, we need to be vulnerable to each other because that means we value our spouse so much that we do not want to lose them or break the marriage we are building.

“If symptoms persist, consult your doctor."

If the girl is persistent, ask for help from people you trust. You can talk to her and let her know that you do not like her words and actions. Whether it is intentional or not, let her know that what she is doing will not help her as a person and the family of the guy he is being “extra friendly with” (of course talk to her with poise and grace. Wear your crown! -Love).

At times these people snap back to their senses and choose to lead their life better. But there are those who thrive on opposition and attention when they flirt. They know what they want. They get more control and power of their goal from confrontation. The do not mind breaking marriages as long as they get what they want.

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Remember that everyone has a backstory. A wound and hunger that is longing for real love, hoping to find it in synthetic and quick remedies. Only to find themselves (or ourselves) being addicted to the quick fix than the uncomfortable yet very beneficial process of healing.

In this case, remember that you are not their hero or saviour. God is. So pray together for your marrige, and also pray a blessing for that person. It will never be helpful for the husband to give more time to that person thinking and trying to correct or change her. 

Remove the flirt-time

In social media, people who experience bashers and toxic responses end up having a hard time defending themselves . It becomes mentally and emotionally draining.

For all we know, the other party wants more attention. It makes them viral. They do not mind if it is a negative publicity, as long as they get what they want. More views, more attention, thus makes them feel more important and heard. How do we respond to this?

If it is in your account, you can remove the messages, stop responding, stop commenting, and sharing. Let it have less exposure and soon be gone from your timeline.

When there is flirting in marriage, lessen the airtime, remove it. Do not give it a space in your schedule and emotions.

If this issue after talking through with your spouse still is part of your daily conversation for months, it means you are giving power to it. So set your boundaries, be committed to it, and no hiding of any conversations or air-time to your spouse. Focus on loving each other. Building your family together.  There are so many blessings waiting for you and your family. Do not rebel, remain faithful.

Reconnect with your spouse

We are not a showy couple in public. Most of our intimate moments are very private. But when someone tries to get my husband’s attention, I (Love) make sure that I use it as a chance to flirt with him more. I make my presence felt. Again, I cannot be complacent even if we are married and with kids.

Here are ways you can reconnect with your spouse and protect your marriage from people who want to get in the way of your happy relationship.

1. Increase intimacy by spending more quality time. Go out on dates frequently. Be spontaneous if you can. Bring your kids for a family date, too. It will increase and recommit the connection to one another.

2. Communicate how you can guard your marriage. Remember this can happen to both husband and wife. Thus, both of you should be open on what attracts you with opposite sex -- is it looks, talents, etc.

Flirt-proofing your marriage is part of your daily checklist as husband and wife. This is not to make you paranoid but this is a healthy reminder that we are all human beings subject to earthly temptations. Everyday we should commit to God, to ourselves and to our spouse that our marriage is sacred and that both of you will do your best to protect it.

How? Instead of being busy giving attention to others, be busy loving your spouse. Be busy building and fulfilling each other’s love jar and needs. 

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