'Kung Hindi Niya I-De-Deny': Moms Share When They Will Forgive A Cheating Partner

The mere thought of your partner cheating can make you go crazy — infidelity is a deal breaker for many relationships. Through our #SPConfessions, moms have shared their personal experiences with husbands being unfaithful and while some have chosen to forgive, others chose to move on.

How to forgive a partner who has cheated on you

Finding out that your husband or wife cheated is heartbreaking, but many relationships can still survive infidelity. However, forgiving, forgetting, and moving on will entail work from both parties. On our Smart Parenting Village, moms who have been on the same boat share their reasons for choosing to forgive their partners.

What other parents are reading

Why Our Partners Cheat: Ano Nga Ba Ang Mas Malalim Na Dahilan?

Is My Husband Cheating? 6 Signs That He Is

So long as he doesn’t cheat again

“You’ll never really know what to do until you experience it firsthand. It’s a battle between choosing your family or yourself.

Cheating has no acceptable reason. But if you’re mature enough to make wise decisions, then you’ll know it’s not always about yourself. Family is the priority.

I told this to my husband on our first anniversary, days after I found about the cheating: ‘Your past actions don’t define who you are, you can only control what you do next. I won’t wish for you to ask me to marry again. I just need you to get back on your feet, be the man I am in love with, be the man I married and promised to be with forever.” — K.S.

What other parents are reading

Should You Tell Your Friend Her Husband Is Cheating On Her? Why The Answer Is Yes

Sunshine Cruz On Ending Her Marriage: 'I Don't Want My Daughters To Think Cheating Is Okay'

For the kids

“Nung wala pa kaming anak, ‘No,’ ang sagot ko. (I will not forgive) Nung nangyari sa’kin, ‘Yes’ na sagot ko.

The father of my children cheated on me three times. ‘Yung pangatlong chance, last na ‘yun. Usapan namin na next time, umulit pa siya, wala nang usap-usap. Iiwan naming siya ng mga anak ko.

Siguro nasa tao din if magbabago, pero ‘yung partner ko talagang nagbago siya. Hindi naman siya under, pero isa sa naging deal naming e ako na ang masusunod o ‘yung mas may say sa relasyon namin. For now, ok kami, nagbago siya, so ang sagot ko is ‘Yes, I will forgive.’ If umulit siya, no more chances. Ok lang na mawalan ng ama ang anak ko.” — K.M.

“I forgave him. Para sa anak naming at family naming. Mahirap, pero hindi imposible. I just kept praying that time na ‘huwg hayaan ni God na masira ‘yung family and marriage naming. Then one day, everything just fell into place.” — A.A.

What other parents are reading

Dina Bonnevie Recalls How She Caught Ex-husband Cheating on Her

I Wasn't Going to Be Like Mom. I Would Leave My Husband if He Cheated

He has to live with the guilt

“I chose to forgive not only for myself and for our relationship, but also for the future of our kids. But I gave him the condition that if he ever cheats again, that will really be the end. And he has to live the remainder of our married life with the guilt of cheating on his wife and kids. Siyempre never kong makakalimutan ‘yun.

“I may have forgiven him but the memory is still there. ‘Pag tinotopak ako, ‘di maiiwasang ma-bring up ulit ang memory na ‘yun, so he has to put up with it. Tutal ginusto niya ‘yun e.” — K.B.V.

‘Hindi siya nag-deny’

Kung wala kaming anak, I might have not forgiven him. But we are both from broken families — we know how it feels growing up without parents. Ayaw naming mangyari sa anak namin ‘yun.

“One-night stand lang naman sa Tinder kaya mas madaling patawarin, pero kung full-blown affair, iiwan ko talaga siya. At buti na lang, inamin niya at hindi siya nag-deny. Nakita ko talagang pinagsisisihan niya hanggang ngayon ‘yung nagawa niya. Pero ‘pag inulit niya, iiwan ko talaga siya.” — F.S.

What other parents are reading

'My Husband Told His Boss He Was Open to a One-Night Stand'

Nagbago Na Raw Siya, Pero Nahuli Ko Sila Sa Email

It depends on how he cheated

“For me po kasi, may category ang cheating. ‘Yung kaya kong itolerate saka ‘yung hindi. ‘Yung game over na talaga.

“This is the situation I tolerated: ‘Nasa probinsiya ako para manganak sa panganay namin. After four months, nalaman kong nambabae siya. Kumuha siya ng babaeng bayaran para “makaraos.” It was ok with me, since nakita ko na wala naman talaga. Inamin niya at sinabing ‘yun lang talaga ‘yun.

“Pero iba kapag ‘yung partner mo, nag-engage sa isa pang relationship at tinago niya. Nagsinungaling siya sa’yo at nagging cause ng away ninyo. Naging cause siya para pagdudahan mo ang sarili mo. Deep inside kasi, andun na ‘yung pagdududa. Hindi na mababalik ‘yung tiwala kahit pa gustuhin mo. This happened with my ex. My husband knows na once ginawa niya ito, wala nang paliwanagan. Sa awa ng Diyos, hindi na naulit.” — C.A.C.

What other parents are reading

Your Partner Has Probably Cheated On You This Way

'My Husband Cheated. Now I Need to Figure Out What Really Matters'

I wanted to be at peace

“I forgave him because I’d rather be at peace than being consumed with anger. Pareho kaming nasisira kasi ang hirap i-contain ang pain at hatred.

“When I found out about the infidelity, ‘di ako makatulog at kung anu-ano ang naiisip ko. Ako ‘yung mas nahirapan. Halos sirain ko na siya sa family ko at pati sa family niya.

“But he wants us na buo as a family. Mahirap, pero we are working it out. And we are still both in the process of healing.” — C.A.C.

*names were withheld

Would you forgive a partner who cheated on you? Why or why not? Tell us in the comments! Click here for more #SPConfessions.