Why We Should Not Be Quick To Judge The Husband Who Says His Achievements Are His Wife's Too

Disclaimer: Smart Parenting reached out to Engr. Mark Vincent Yap Nodado and Mhei Legaspi Nodado to request for an interview, but they haven't responded as of press time. Smart Parenting writes this opinion piece as the leading trusted resource of Filipino parents that aims to raise happy and healthy families.

 For context: It’s not every day that we get to read a long appreciation post of a husband to his wife on social media. Unless there’s an occasion, like her birthday or their anniversary.

Last April 14, on Facebook, Engr. Mark Vincent Yap Nodado shared an excerpt of his conversation with his wife, Mhei Legaspi Nodado, on feeling like she doesn’t have any personal achievements, 10 years post-graduation. 

In his post, Nodado said that how he responded to his wife's question is by honoring and appreciating the things she does for the family, even the smallest things like flushing the toilet for or cleaning up after him.

He assured her that, “all my achievements are your achievements too.” He concluded by saying, that he likens his wife to a scaffolding, “and this structure won’t go higher without you.”

The post elicited positive comments, since it was shared publicly, and social media users were able to express their opinion about his post.

It was all heartwarming and harmless, until some netizens pointed out that the husband didn’t really listen to his wife, made it all about him instead, and that he invalidated his wife’s feelings.

Needless to say, it escalated quickly. What started as a cheesy post from a husband to his wife turned into a thread that called out Engr. Nodado,  with comments saying that he is 'selfish,' 'misogynist,' and 'patriarchal.'

He addressed the negative comments on a separate post, saying that it was taken out of context, and that people shouldn’t judge them based on a single Facebook post.

A day after the post went viral, his wife finally shared her side of the story, and she concludes:

“And maybe iba-iba lang ang measurement of success ng bawat tao. And with mine, na-downgrade ko sarili ko. I have my achievements. I have awards from being a Financial Advisor, I co-own a business of which I am a Chief Finance Officer. I have my own businesses, too.

But above all, the best achievement, I am a Mom, I am a wife and I am loved.”

It seems like the end of the issue for them. But it kept moms and dads thinking about marriage and partnerships.

What other parents have to say

Parents in the Smart Parenting Village also weighed in on the issue.

Mommy Eiren Gil shared Engr. Nodado’s post on the SPV Facebook group, and shared her experience too: “There are times na parang may kulang sa growth ko, which is I know is career, pero I can't have that na hindi nako-compromise yung pagiging mommy ko sa mga anak namin. Hindi pwedeng busy kami both mag-asawa. Gusto ko may isa samin na present sa lahat ng milestone nila.”

She says, while appreciation posts for wives like what was posted is nice, she adds, "Wag lang siguro natin hayaan na pati maliliit na bagay is nakaasa pa satin.”

Mommy Nikki Frias adds, “I guess it really depends sa nagbabasa ng post and kung ano ang dating sakanila. Who are we to speak for the wife to assume na nainvalidate yung feelings niya right? I also don't find the post offensive simply because iba talaga ang set up in marriage itself if you know & understand what God's design for marriage is. Iba din ang love language and sense of fulfillment ng bawat tao. Iba din ang definition ng success for each person so we really don't have the right to speak for each and anyone."

Daddy Mark Daryl Samera meanwhile said, "As a husband, pro-choice ako. Kung gusto ni Misis mag-work, go. Kung gusto sa bahay, go. We just both need to understand and agree on the consequences of our choices."

He adds, "Every marriage is unique. What can be perceived as offensive or demeaning may just be playful to the others. What could be funny to me and my wife may be boring or insane for the rest of the world."

What’s our takeaway from this?

Smart Parenting is all for raising happy and healthy families, and we believe that social posts will never fully capture the lifelong effort and love that partners pour into building that relationship. That’s why we shouldn’t be quick to judge, belittle, or dishearten those who wish to make their relationship grow.

While it is also valid for those who read Engr. Nodado’s post to feel negatively about it or to disagree with him, it’s also unfair to judge and call him names. As we are learning from the Nodados, every one can have their own opinion, but we choose the ones we will allow to matter to us.

Now that the wife has said her piece, and shared that she feels validated and her husband loves and supports her, let us be reminded that his post served its purpose–to appreciate the person he wrote it for. 

Engr. Nodado apologized to his wife and said that her reply is the only thing that matters. He has taken down the post from his profile since.

Moving forward, perhaps we can use Engr. Nodado’s post as a point of conversation with our partner and review what you both think about gender roles, personal achievements, and how it plays into your relationship. Maybe you can learn something new about each other too.

This viral post reminds us that every one is entitled to pursue our personal goals and have our own achievements because we are not only parents, but partners too. We should appreciate each other, and at the same time, look after each other whether it's our well-being or fulfillment.

Today's parents are known for approaching parenting and family management with equality. As equal partners, moms and dads can take on the challenges of parenting, home management, careers, and financial obligations together. No one is greater than the other, rather both are ready to play their respective roles in building their own family.

Perhaps this can also lead us to ask ourselves, how are we raising our sons who may become future husbands and our daughters who may become future wives? What sort of family life, should they choose it, can we show them by example?

Let this also be a teachable moment for all of us, that although we may mean well when we share our opinions, let us think long and hard before posting. We continue to be critical, but we should always default to empathy because we are all works in progress. 

When it comes to relationships and parenting, may we remember that we only have to compete with one person: yourself.

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