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Usapang Lalaki: Husband Pens Open Letter To Men Cheating On Their Wives
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  • Marriage, as we all know, is a celebration of the love between two people and their choice to stay committed to each other—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health. But just like in any relationship, challenges abound married couples.

    Among the most common issues couples face is infidelity. In our online community on Facebook, Smart Parenting Village, we would often encounter #SPConfessions, mostly from women and wives, about their cheating partners or spouses who don't deliver their end of the marriage bargain.

    But recently, at least two husbands came forward, not to take on the defensive side for men, but to actually remind other husbands about their duty to their wives and partners.

    Men in marriage reminded: "Be man enough to admit that you're a husband"

    New member lang ako dito. I was invited by a friend to join early last year. Since I joined, I've been reading good vibes and news and at some point I'm learning and had realizations too. 

    But recently, ang dami kong nababasa about cheating, hiwalayan, sakitan etc. It breaks my heart while reading the post alongside with the comments. 

    This is an open post, but mainly for the husband. By the way, I'm a husband too.  Usapang lalaki, hindi ko maintindihan kung ano pumapasok sa isip niyo. Why are you hurting your spouse? Really. Serious question. 

    Mas gusto niyo pang makapag-inuman instead of spending time with your wife or kids?
    Man, when we got married, graduate na tayo sa ganyang stage. Tapos na yung hanggang umagang inuman with tropa, bisyo etc. Pwede namang gawin 'yan paminsan-minsan pero unahin mo asawa at pamilya mo.

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    May pamilya tayong binubuhay. May asawa tayong dapat hindi nasasaktan. Tulungan natin si misis sa lahat ng aspeto. Be man enough to admit that you're a husband. I-prioritize mo asawa mo next to God. 

    Last na lang, Watch the 'Fireproof' movie—movie about husband and wife. Bigyan mo lang ng oras.

    Sana may mabago pa bago mahuli ang lahat. And para sa mga good husband our there, patuloy lang tayong magsikap and mahalin araw-araw si Misis.

    Si God ang and center.

    Many members of the group appreciated this husband's open letter, with many also giving tributes to their loyal and loving husbands.

    "Awww ganito din hubby ko. God bless sa mga katulad nyo!," one commenters said.
    Another member reacted positively, "Parang hubby ko to ah. Ganyan din sya mag-isip, graduate na sya pati sa babae. He also recommended Fireproof movie, we watched it together."

    Tips for a thriving marriage by a husband

    Another husband was also inspired by this post. He took the opportunity on Valentine's day to speak from a place of love and acknowledge that cheating can happen to anyone regardless of your gender.

    "Marahil meron din ditong husbands na victims pero hindi lang nagsasalita. Different walks of life, nagiging biktima ng cheating. May it be garapalan, or even subtle, there's no difference. Mali ang cheating," he pointed out.

    This husband also took the time to share 6 pieces of marriage advice every couple should hear:

    1. Be intentional in loving your spouse

    "Intentional mong mahalin ang asawa mo. Iparamdam mo sa kanya every single day. Wag mo hintaying sya ang mauna. Balikan mo yung mga panahong nagliligawan pa lang kayo, di ba nag-uunahan pa kayo noon kung sino ang unang magpapakilig? Gawin mo yan hanggang maputi na ang mga buhok ninyo pareho."

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    "Hindi ko ipagpapalit sa panandaliang pleasure yung asawang pinangakuan kong mahalin at alagaan sa buong buhay ko."

    2. Handle conflict with loving conversations

    "Pag may nakagawa nang mali, be open for discussion. Maliit man o malaki yung offense. Upuan niyo at pag-usapan. Wag hahayaang matapos ang araw na hindi naresolba yung issue. Bago humilik si mister/misis sa gabi, ayusin kaagad. 

    Humanap ng right timing, wag 'yung burnt out o stressed kayo pareho. Gumawa ng solusyon sa bawat problema. 'Wag palipasin. 'Wag dedmahin. 'Wag assuming. Walang automatic sa relasyon. You need to work out your marriage every single day."

    3. Fill your love tank

    "Magpatawad. Aminin man natin o hindi, lahat tayo ay nakakapag-commit ng offense sa ating spouse, 'yung simpleng pagsusungit lang is already an offense.

    Yung maliliit na bagay na 'yan, iba ang dating nyan sa spouse natin. When we feel unloved, when we feel neglected dyan pumapasok sa isip yung mga bulong ng demonyo. Kaya nga, everyday dapat iparamdam mo yung love. Wag ipagdamot. Wag ipagkait. Busugin, punuin ang love tank ni spouse."

    4. Learn from your mistakes

    "Pagsisihan yung mga nagawang kasalanan. Pag pinatawad ka na, wag mo nang ulit-ulitin. Binigyan ka ng second chance, wag mo namang abusuhin. Dapat wala na sa bokabularyo mo yung 3rd or 4th chance. Ang taong tunay na nagsisisi, nagdadalamhati sa nagawang kasalanan. Kung inulit-ulit mo pa yan, I can attest di ka tunay na nagsisi.

    Sabi nga ni Greg Laurie, magkaiba ang 'remorse' at 'repentance': 'There's a difference between remorse and repentance. Remorse is being sorry for being caught. Repentance is being sorry enough to stop.'"

    5. Time is of the essence

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    "Make time with your spouse. Bigyan mo ng oras ang asawa mo. Kahit simpleng kape sa umaga, bili ka lang ng 3-in-1 at pandesal. Di naman ganun kalaki ang puhunan dun di ba?

    Seriously, gumawa tayo ng oras para sa ating asawa. Yun bang excited ka na kausapin sya, pag-usapan yung anything under the sun. Ganyan tayo noon di ba? Yung simpleng text nya na "kumain ka na ba?", halos tumambling ka na sa kilig noon. 

    I also suggest, you go on a date. Di kailangan na bongga, kahit sa Jollibee o Mcdo lang basta yung solo nyo ang isa't isa, it will definitely go a long way. Pag-usapan niyo 'yung mga maliliit na bagay, then you will find out comfortable na ulit kayo sa isa't isa. Magiging mas open ang inyong communication."

    6. Make God the center of your relationship

    "Most importantly, let Christ be the center of your marriage. Kumbaga kung kukuha ka man ng 3rd party, I suggest si Christ ang kunin mo.

    Kasi pag Siya ang kasama sa love triangle nyo, imbes na magkasira kayo, yayabong at mas sasaya pa ang married life nyo! Manalangin kayo palagi at magsimba. Hindi lang kayo sisigla physically, pati spiritually."

    This husband is not sitting pretty on his high horse. He also admits that his 8-year marriage is also not perfect. He says, "Nag-struggle din ako sa buhay mag-asawa ko before, lagi rin kami nag-aaway, mga maliliit na bagay pinagtatalunan namin. Lalo pag sa text kami nag-uusap."

    But despite those bumps in their relationship, he says he did not dare to cheat on his wife.

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    He adds, "Pero never naman akong nagcheat, may mga babaeng nagpakita ng motibo sa akin before but I always choose my wife. Hindi ko ipagpapalit sa panandaliang pleasure yung asawang pinangakuan kong mahalin at alagaan sa buong buhay ko.

    "Bonus pa dun yung mga kids kong mga cute at mapagmahal. Ayokong maging bad example sa kanila, dahil alam kong I am raising the future husbands and wives as well."

    Submitted posts are edited only for spelling, punctuation, grammar, and formatting.

    Another husband speaks up about how being a great father starts by being a better husband. Read his piece here.

    What other parents are reading


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