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  • May Forever! Pinay Moms Share 7 Secrets To Keep Intimacy Alive In Relationships

    Prioritize your marriage even after the kids have arrived.
    by Kitty Elicay .
May Forever! Pinay Moms Share 7 Secrets To Keep Intimacy Alive In Relationships
PHOTO BY iStock
  • Relationships change when kids come into the picture but it doesn’t mean that you should prioritize each other less while caring for your little ones. Keeping intimacy in relationships alive is vital, and according to psychologist and leading parenting expert John Rosemond, the one you need to focus on the most is your relationship or marriage with your significant other. “Their [the couple’s] kids exist because of them, and their marriage and [their] kids thrive because they have created a stable family,” he says.

    How to keep intimacy alive in relationships

    At first, it seems like a difficult thing to do. How do you focus on your spouse or partner when your kids need you 24/7? We asked members of our Facebook group, Smart Parenting Village for their tips on how they maintain the “spark” with their significant other and surprisingly, the ways are simple.

    From young relationships to decade-long marriages, here are some of the ways couples can keep intimacy in relationships alive so that love won’t fade.

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    1. Have an open line of communication.

    It’s the number one advice of many relationship experts and moms couldn’t agree more. Mary Anna Tamayo, who’s been married for 14 years says, “’Di kami nagki-kiss o nag-a-i-love you o nagsasabihan ng sweet words, [pero] lagi kami magkausap. Open kami sa lahat ng bagay — pinag-k-kwentuhan mga nangyayari sa’min araw-araw, masama o masayang experience man, magkasama man kami o hindi.”

    One mom who has been married to her husband for nine years says that talking to each other is the key to overcoming problems. “Nagkaproblema kami recently pero naayos siya agad dahil hindi kami tumigil hanggat di nakikita ano puno’t dulo ng problema at inayos ng dahan-dahan,” she says. “Kahit gaano kapagod sa ginagawa buong araw, you need to talk and kumustahin ang isa’t isa para ‘updated’ pa rin kayo. Excited kaming magkita at magkausap, kahit nasa bahay lang.”

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    2. Laugh together.

    Being friends before becoming lovers creates a solid foundation in the relationship, but moms also say it’s important that you can laugh and enjoy each other’s company. Yassy Constantino, who has been with her partner for 16 years (and married for seven), says their secret is that they are each other’s best friend. “We eventually became BFFs and lagi kami nagbibiruan in any form,” she shares. She adds jokingly, “Lagi ko siyang inaakit!”

    Roselle Sabado, who’s been married for 21 years, shares, “Lambingan namin is asaran. ‘Pag magkasama kami, tawa lang kami ng tawa parati.”

    Nhelle Mamaril, who’s been with her husband for a decade says, “Hindi nawawala na parang magkaibigan lang kami, napapag-usapan namin anything and everything. Nagtutulungan kami and we always compromise. ‘Yung mga issues imbis pag-awayan pinag-uusapan na lang namin.”

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    3. Stay affectionate.

    Young couples and even those who have been together for many years agree that affection and words of affirmation should not disappear from any relationship. Mom Kara Landas, who’s been with her husband for ten years (married for two), says “Hindi nawawala ang pagiging vocal sa ‘I love yous.’”

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    Cherry Ann Culala agrees that expressing your love for your partner is a must. “At first hindi kami vocal sa pagsabi ng ‘I love yous’ pero sabi ko dapat makasanayan natin para makuha ng anak namin,” she shares. Showing love doesn’t always have to be in the form of words. She adds, “Parati ako nag-e-experiment ng pagkain para sa kanya. At parati kami magkasama kumain, kahit nag-aaway kami.”

    Yassy admits that she and her hubby are not so vocal, but they make up for it by kissing each other every day before they leave for work. The same goes for Princess Co. “[Hubby] always kisses me before he leaves home and at night din. Kapag busy ako while working at night, he sends ‘good night,’ and ‘I love yous’ sa Messenger.”

    4. Surprise each other.

    Lala Tellano-Viray, who’s been with her partner for almost two years, says her husband still loves surprising her. “’Pag may baon siya, naglalagay ako ng small note sa lunchbox. ‘Pag may promo ang Krispy Kreme, sasabihin niya out of stock pero pagdating ng bahay, may dala siya for me,” she shares. “Surprises are nice touches of sweetness for us.”

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    5. Invest in ‘alone time.’

    Marissa Mendoza has been with her husband for 18 years. She and her husband may have four kids but they never forget to spend time with just the two of them. “Gusto pa rin niya na kahit once a month may ‘check in’ kami or kakain kami sa labas. Gusto niya solo daw niya ako,” she shares. “Routine na niya ang kiss at hug bago umalis. Hindi siya makatagal ng may tampo ako sa kanya at alam niya kung anong gamot — suhol like my favorite ice cream!”

    Alelly Cablao-Hernane, who’s been married for two years says she and her husband make it a point to have date nights once a week, “kahit simpleng dinner or movie na lang sa bahay.”

    Lala Cobar suggests setting a date night every week. “Our date is every Saturday for 16 years,” she shares.

    6. Don’t forget sexy time!

    Having a healthy sex life can do wonders for a relationship, and most of our members can attest to this. Reylime Canas shares that she and her husband are ‘touchy-feely.’ “We always kiss ‘pag bad mood ang isa, ‘pag may inuutos kiss, ‘pag masaya kiss, lalo na ‘pag malungkot,” she says. “He told me that living together seems like a dream and he’s always excited to see me, to come home, and be with me.”

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    “Huwag na huwag papatayin ang sex life!” adds mom Chenilyn Habitan. “Sa amin hindi mawawala ang intimacy. Marami pa kaming nadidiscover sa isa’t isa.”

    Tintin Montaos adds, “[Tayong] mga wifey should learn how to start the fire, ‘di yung parating si hubby lang kumakalabit!”

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    7. Have respect for yourself and each other.

    Good relationships work and begin within ourselves, according to mom Arjoyce Ancan. After 13 years of marriage, she’s learned to “respect myself enough, and give myself privacy and space. I don’t hide any feelings from him, I tell things honestly and kindly. Then [love] simply radiates.”

    Lala shares one of the most important things she’s learned since getting married: “Respect is a big factor to men. One of the things I never do to my husband is to shout at him. Despite being outspoken, I do my best to control my tongue when I am mad. That way, I show my husband that I respect him,” she says.

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    “Loving our spouse is an everyday decision,” Lala adds. “Sometimes walang kilig, sometimes meron. Sometimes peaceful, sometimes maraming problema. The important thing is you choose to love in spite of and despite everything. We go through anything as one!"

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