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Quality Time vs Mobile Legends: 7 Issues Married Couples Need to Work On NowMinor arguments may seem petty now, but it can lead to bigger problems that may cause a failed marriageby Kate Borbon .
Marriage is not always rainbows and butterflies — it also has its fair share of stormy and gloomy days. Whether you are newlyweds or have been together for decades, there are always things that cause clashes between you and your spouse.
7 issues husbands and wives need to address sooner rather than later
On our Smart Parenting Facebook page, we asked parents what issues they think need to be addressed early on in a marriage, before they become bigger problems. Many responded by citing communication, finances, inequity in the distribution of housework, and even too much playing of Mobile Legends!ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
A majority of the parents who shared their answers named communication as the issue they believe should be addressed by all married couples early on. It’s not hard to see why since, according to Psych Central, “A good marriage thrives on the open exchange of emotion, desires, and beliefs. In fact, communication is one of the most important aspects of a satisfying marriage.”
There are several things that can contribute to the breakdown of effective communication between a couple, such as not having enough time together and exhaustion after a long day of working and/or caring for children. For some couples, it may be that they are not used to opening up to one another. Others maybe do try to communicate with their partners but end up feeling misunderstood or unheard.
“The number one thing is that people want to be understood and they want to feel like their emotions are being valued,” Jonathan Robinson, a couple’s therapist and author of More Love, Less Conflict: A Communication Playbook for Couples, tells Fatherly. “And when that doesn’t happen, marriages start to have problems.”ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Other communication-related issues brought up on the Facebook post were saying white lies, keeping secrets, and even mistrust. These little things can snowball and become the reason why husbands and wives drift apart, or, worse, decide to end their union.
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Not making enough time for each other
Aside from communicating, ensuring that you are able to still spend some quality time with your spouse is a key factor in helping maintain the health of your marriage. Unfortunately, some moms feel they don’t get to spend time with their spouses.
This could be attributed to a lot of different things. Maybe at the end of the day, both mom and dad are too tired to sit down and talk. Maybe they don’t feel like there’s room in their schedule for a quick date night. Maybe one parent is working abroad and it’s difficult for the other parent to figure out when they could have a chat, while still being able to accomplish all the other tasks that need to be done at home.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Nevertheless, even just a few quick moments for husband and wife to connect and hang out with each other can make a huge impact on their relationship, says Emily Klear, the Director of Couple Services and a licensed marriage and family therapist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University in Illinois, USA, in an article on Fatherly — because when couples fail to find time for each other, they can grow distant.
There is no denying that money is one very common cause of any couple’s arguments. On our Facebook post, a number of parents said that figuring out which spouse would manage the finances and handling debts and loans are some issues they feel should be addressed right away.
Aside from not being able to decide on who holds the purse strings, simply not talking about your finances (or not doing it enough) can cause strained relationships. Fatherly says, “If finances are left undiscussed — especially before marriage — what can start as small assumptions or inherent differences in spending habits or, say, approaches to paying off debt can become ammunition in major fights.”ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
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Prioritizing your phone (a.k.a ‘phubbing’)
A lot has been said about how children get too addicted to their gadgets, but even adults can be guilty of this. In fact, on our Facebook post, a number of parents seemed to claim that their partners would often prefer to use their phones and play Mobile Legends than spend time with them.
This occurrence of prioritizing one’s phone over everything and everyone else, also known as ‘phubbing,’ is a relatively modern concept, but is no less impactful on married couples’ relationships as the other issues on this list. In fact, according to Klear, phubbing can actually signal to your partner that you would much rather fiddle with your phone than connect with him or her.
“[Phone use] does send the message that if the kids go to bed and each partner goes to a separate screen, whether it’s a computer, phone, or TV, it sends a message of ‘I’m not available. I don’t want to connect,’” she tells Fatherly.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
On our Facebook post, many parents expressed disdain at how their partners tended not to help out in household chores, or even volunteer to help. Some said that their partners seemed to assume that they weren’t obligated to do any chores because they work. In a 2015 study, researchers found that moms still tended to handle most of the housework by themselves after giving birth, even though initially, they agreed with their spouses that the load of work would be divided equally between them.
It’s not hard to see why moms get upset when their husbands don’t attempt, or even refuse, to help out in the home. Caring for a family takes a lot out of a woman — not just physically, but even emotionally, since she is usually expected to handle all the emotional work involved in bringing up a family, such as worrying over the children’s health and over whether everyone is well-provided for, on top of all the chores. Meanwhile, dads aren’t always able to recognize this and even expect their spouses to still be the ones to instruct them on what to do, instead of simply showing initiative.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
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Maybe you have a good relationship with your in-laws, and they don’t meddle in your marriage or in how you raise your children. Unfortunately, for some parents, this is not the case. Some MILs may seem to find fault in everything their daughters-in-law do, or tend to offer unsolicited advice (and get angry when their daughters-in-law don’t follow it), or disagree with how you raise your child or how you handle your marriage. Any of these can be enough to drive any mom crazy.
To make matters worse, some moms may not feel like they can rely on their spouses to help make their relationships with their MILs better. On our Facebook post, one mom even said that she has a hard time opening up the issue with her husband because he ends up “getting defensive and freaking out.”
Differences in views and values
Fatherly says that different parenting styles can also incite arguments between couples. When a husband and wife don’t agree on how to raise their children, one possibility it can lead to is the kids getting mixed messages and not really knowing which parent to follow.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
“[Parents need to at least be] on a similar page — it’s hard to get on the exact same page,” Klear says. “But if you are on completely different pages, the messages that the kids get are really mixed and inconsistent, so then the kids don’t know what’s going on. That kind of erodes family leadership.”
A handful of parents also commented on our Facebook post that differing opinions regarding religion and even politics can cause conflicts between married couples. This might be because religious and political views can affect not only the values that a person upholds but even how he or she relates to others.
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