Even if the enhanced community quarantine is lifted on May 15, the whole nation will still be in quarantine. Date nights, as parents know it, is practically non-existent. How can you have date nights when you’re home? Try microdating.
Going on regular date nights is the usual advice for couples to help keep the spark alive or rekindle the intimacy after kids. It should be a priority or even when you're dealing with sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and milk spit-ups.
On date night, you can dress your best, get out of the house, and just be a couple on a dinner or movie date. But it doesn’t always work.
Not all couples have a caregiver, a yaya, or grandparent, who can look after the kids when they’re out. Some moms and dads don’t have time or are too tired to go on a date. Plus, if you’re going to a restaurant and yet keep talking about kids, chores, bills, and the daily grind then it’s still the same.
So why not get rid of the flashy aspects of dating and focus on what it is about dating that helped connect you and your spouse? Not being in a rush to attend to work or the kids, being engaged in a meaningful conversation, doing something that you both love, stuff like that.
According to many long-term couples. intimacy after becoming parents by slowing down, checking in with each other, and prioritizing self-care. These can all be incorporated in a microdate.
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What is microdating and how is it done?
"Microdate" is a term that combines the words “micro” and “date.” Literally, it means small or short dates, so they’re definitely cheaper. You don’t need to spend on a fancy dinner or movie, and you can have these as many times as you want right in your own home.
“We decide to consciously prioritize our marriage,” wife Cully Nordby, 52, tells The New York Times about how microdating worked for her and her husband. “Even for 15 minutes,” she stressed.
They pick a spot at home and promise to talk about something other than the kids, or chores, or bills, or work. Phone alerts are off. Sometimes, there is wine and music. Cully and her husband set these microdates at least once a week, and they look forward to it.
Intimacy is a choice, and it doesn’t have to be always physical. There is nothing more romantic and sexier than being chosen as a priority because that connection matters enough for you and your spouse to set aside time for it -- even for just 15 minutes a week.
What Cully shared is not a template. A microdate can be as simple as staying up long after putting the kids to bed, ignoring the messy house, and just having a meaningful conversation before going to sleep. Or, it could be watching something you couldn’t see with the kids after their bedtime, like a horror movie.
If you notice that your conversations veer towards the mundane everyday stuff — bills, chores, or the kids — use conversation cards. There are free downloadable couple conversation starter cards online. It could be fun. You can never stop trying to get to know your spouse.
Who knows, carving time out for your relationships might help lessen the couple fights during quarantine. It can pave the way for harmoniously living with your spouse and kids every single day.