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  • 'Feeling Single ang Asawa Ko': What Advice Would You Give This Mom

    Here are a few of the most common ‘husband problems’ and a few tips to help solve them.
    by Ana Gonzales .
'Feeling Single ang Asawa Ko': What Advice Would You Give This Mom
  • In one of our previous articles here on SmartParenting.com.ph, we talked about how husbands can stress their wives more than the children. Why? Because they can feel like another job (who are nodding their heads in agreement?). In fact, in a survey published in Today, moms ranked their stress levels at 8.5 out of 10 — and most of them are complaining about their husbands.

    One survey respondent said, “I am exhausted emotionally and physically when my husband comes home. He feels like another job.”

    Many moms on our Facebook group,  Smart Parenting Village, have similar sentiments and share with us their frustrations. Here are a few of the most common ‘husband problems’ on our Village and a few tips to help solve them. Hopefully, by the end of this article, you'll have a better relationship with your husband.

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    Problem #1: My husband doesn't help me around the house.

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    A lot of Smart Parenting Village moms complain that their husbands do not help with household chores. The men either come home from work and watch television or worse, play Mobile Legends.

    One mom asked other wives in the Village: What do you do if all your husband ever does is play mobile games? It got more than 200 comments with mixed reactions. Some say it's okay and husbands need their alone time, too, while some said too much of something is always bad. 

    So how do you get your husband to help with the chores? Make distinct divisions of labor. Psychologist Joshua Coleman says you need to sit down with your husband and talk to him about how you're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Men function better when they are told what to do (or so we’ve heard), so decide who does what and when. That way, if he is unable to do his part, he has no excuse if you ever feel irritated.

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    From a husband's perspective, he will probably ask you not to nag. Unlike women, men don't always see the dirty dishes or the overflowing trash can until you point them out. So instead of letting your anger and frustration take over, it's best to point it out to your husband and ask for his help. With a little division of labor and constant practice, your husband will start to understand that he also needs to do his part.

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    Problem #2: My husband doesn't communicate with me.

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    You always hear relationship experts say constant communication is the secret to a happy marriage. But what if your husband doesn't communicate with you? What if he doesn’t share his pains, worries, triumphs, and fears with you? Lack of meaningful and constant communication can eventually lead you and your husband to drift apart.

    One of the best ways to deal is not to allow life to get in the way of your relationship. Take it from Chesca and Doug Kramer who have been married for 11 years now. Doug breaks it down to this simple piece of advice: Husbands, date your wife — and vice versa. Always make time for each other no matter how many PTA meetings you need to attend or how much laundry or dishes you need to do. Keeping communication alive in your relationship takes effort from both you and your husband. Don’t stop looking amazing for your husband. Learn his love language and speak it to him as frequently as you can.

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    Problem #3: Feeling single ang asawa ko.

    Should you or should you not let your husband go out and have drinks with his barkada? Moms in the Village gave us mixed reactions. Others were okay with it, while others said husbands should no longer act like they' are bachelors. Very much like the Mobile Legends concern, too much of anything is bad.

    One of the best things to do is to turn your husband's me-time into your me-time. If you're stuck at home taking care of the baby, have a mommies' night in. Invite some of your friends in your home and enjoy some quality Netflix and chill. Or you can have your own quiet time at home when the kids are sleeping. You can read a book, finally watch that K-drama you have been eyeing, or continue with an old hobby.

    You can even take turns with your husband when it comes to taking some time off. Why not have your own JUNK (Just Us, No Kids) trip? Have him take care of the kids while you get your hair and nails done or while you go to a mini-vacation with your mommy friends. Don’'t think that your husband is enjoying life without your company. He could be unwinding from the stress of family life. Admit that you also need this, and never be afraid to ask him for it.

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    What other husband problems are you experiencing? Share it in the Smart Parenting Villageand see what your fellow moms have to say.

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