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  • Stay or Leave? 10 Real-Life Relationship Situations

    When tension in your marriage is too much, should you stay or walk away? Read what the experts have to say.
    by Ciel Tagaza .
  • 3. “My husband cheated on me and has illegitimate children. But he is a caring father to his legitimate children and puts them first.”
    Cipriano: “Before pointing fingers at someone, look into yourself as well and evaluate your shortcomings as a wife, from physical to relational. Your inadequacies, however, are never an excuse for your spouse to look for his unfulfilled needs elsewhere. But by realizing your shortcomings as well as his and talking about it, you can still save your marriage by laying both your expectations on the table.”

    Kathy Robles, economic consultant and single mom to Andrei, 8: “Stay. My mom did. My dad has illegitimate children, but he provided for all our needs. He did try to be fair to all of his children. In the end, he patched things up with my mom and has made amends since.”

     

    4. “My husband verbally and physically abuses me even in front of our children. But he does not abuse our kids.”
    Cipriano: “A mother who endures all forms of abuse by her husband is giving her children the wrong impression - that abuse is an acceptable offense. In the long run, her children may become violent, or turn out to be abusers themselves when they grow up and marry.”

    Gamba: “Leave. Abuse almost always progresses over time. It may begin with verbal insults, then a slap, then some blows. It only gets worse.”

    Cecil Lim, single mom to a 16-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son: “Leave. Don’t prolong the abuse. I was abused by my husband in front of our children, and they suffered emotionally because of it. It made me decide to seek help from the court [of law] for protection from further damage.”

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    5. “My husband is physically and verbally abusive of our children, but he is loving towards me.”
    Cipriano: “It depends on the degree of abuse. Does your husband use harsh words and the rod to discipline your kids? You must talk to him and reassess his way of disciplining them. Children who grow up in a harmful environment will self-destruct. Signs of this are low self-esteem, low grades in school, getting into fights, and having the wrong circle of friends. The manifestations get worse as they grow older. On the other hand, children who live in a loving, encouraging home grow up to be secure, confident, and well-disposed.”


    6. “My husband is a gambler and has stopped providing for our family.”
    Cipriano: “Sometimes, transformation can only occur when the person hits rock bottom, stripped of his security in the form of his immediate family. I had a case where the wife took her kids and left her husband to fend for himself. It was during his solitude that he came to his senses.”

    Gamba: “Leave before he pulls you down with his vice. You can always find ways to provide for your needs and your children’s. It is not healthy for your kids to be exposed to your husband’s vice. But talk to your husband and make your reasons clear for leaving him temporarily, until he corrects his ways.”  

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