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The 6 Kinds of Sex Couples With Kids HavePlus, one mom’s hilarious and very real take on “parent sex”by Rachel Perez .
Photo from nydailynews.com
When you were pregnant, you always got the "Get some sleep now while you still can" advice from friends who already have their little mini-me's, because they know that when the baby arrives, you'll be up all night nursing or changing nappies. All true.
What they failed to also emphasize is that you will end up sleeping more than having sex. So, why don't they tell you to get busy in the bedroom, too, while you still can? Oh, right -- you probably already did that; ergo, the baby!
Still, sex and intimacy is still an important part in a relationship. Sure, you can get intimate without getting naked, but you'd still crave for the real action, wouldn't you? This mom's honest take on what she calls "parent sex" is as real as it can ever be--and you will definitely agree.
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Artist, writer, and mom-of-four Constance Hall, from Fremantle in Western Australia, took to Facebook to share what all parents already know is true, but are just not comfortable admitting in public.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Her post reads, "We had 'parent sex' yesterday. You know what parent sex is, it's that 3.5 minutes you get in between changing nappies and making food." Spot on, right? "When you realize it's been almost a month since you banged and are starting to feel like flat mates. Where your husband's seduction consists of one finger pointing towards the bedroom and the other hand on his dick," Hall continues.
Hall also mentioned the typical challenges of couples who try to make time for sexy time: kids catching you doing the deed or having a very romantic (you may insert sarcasm here) children's jingle while struggling to be in the moment and trying to climax. Also, so, so very true!
But even with all that, she ends her post on a high note, that her husband was "pretty impressed, even if I just lied (sic) there, saggy boobs, baby belly pouch, hairy minge and all, he still thinks I’m amazing," writes Hall, who also has a parenting blog, The Not So Secret Life of Us.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
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Hall's post has more than 100,000 likes and has been shared for more than 30,000 times. She is not alone in her sentiments, that's for sure. That got us thinking, what other kinds of sex do parents get to do? We talked to real parents and categorized them into six kinds, with some tips on how to go about it. Here they are:
1. The Early Morning Quickie
This could definitely fit into the time frame. You accidentally wake up too early and have a considerable time to spare before you get up to cook breakfast for the kids. Why not? Your partner already has a hard-on, which means less time for foreplay, more time for humping.
2. The Multi-tasking Coitus
While shower sex does not go well with lubrication down there, it hits two birds with one stone, which fits perfectly in your multi-tasking everyday tasks. FYI, in every kind of parent sex we mention here, it goes without saying that you make sure the kids are okay, if not asleep -- and that the doors are locked.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
3. The Car Coupling -- in the garage!
Of course, the vehicle had to be parked in the garage. You're no longer 21, and not that adventurous anymore. This spot could be the least likely place at home where your kids could catch you. Space might be an issue, but just focus on imagining that you're parked somewhere else!
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4. The Silent and Subtle Lovemaking
The most commonly used, but also the one where your kids are likely to catch you, so prep your excuse in advance. It's that thing you do under the sheets with a baby or toddler on the same bed. Warning: it only works until a certain age. And, anyway, you'll get tired of the subtleness of it, too.
5. The "Biglang-liko" Action
Yes, this! Some parents live with their own folks, so you will really need the privacy. Hubby picks you up at work and you call home to check on the kids, and then take a hard left -- to the nearest motel. Three hours is more than enough time for sex, and then some (a heart-to-heart talk, maybe? Buuut ... you'll most probably just take a nap).ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
6. The Scheduled/planned Sex
You and your partner add a "sex" entry to your calendar, like it’s a PTA meeting you need to attend. To make sure you don’t put it off (again), you book a room in a hotel overnight and take care of babysitting duties (the lolos and lolas would love to take them in for a night, no questions asked). Although it lacks the spontaneity of the kind of sex you had before baby, it sure gets the deed done.
Which of these are you an expert at? If you'd like to add to this list, let us know in the comments below.
January 6, 2015. “This Mother Was Shocked When Her Facebook Post About “Parent Sex” Went Viral” (buzzfeed.com)
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