When you’re arguing constantly with your spouse, does it mean it’s time to leave your marriage?
Mikaela Lagdamaeo, mom of 3 and content creator shared her story of separation from her ex-husband in a recent podcast episode of Soulful Feasts hosted by Stephanie Zubiri. It’s been a year since her marriage has ended and today, she and her ex-husband are able to co-parent their three kids.
“When you’re in that situation, for me, I think, leaving is the hardest thing to do, Mikaela said.
She and her husband were together for 20 years and married for 17. “Is this for real? Is this happening to me? You see it happening to people around you, she remembers thinking. “Am I in a dream? Am I in a nightmare? Why has it come to this? When I thought that I would be married forever, Mikaela said.
Mikaela was married at 17 years old. “You made a vow… But somewhere along that journey, it’s like, wait, things change. Things aren’t right. People change. I think that’s one of the major issues, because it takes two. A marriage is always 2 people. I mean, we change.
Looking back at her newly-married self, Mikaela said she’s now a different person.“It’s so hard and especially because when you are ready to walk out of the marriage, it's like you're ready to jump off a cliff.
Deciding to leave the marriage
Both Mikaela and Stephanie shared the same experience of hiding their problems from the people around them and Mikaela said she was doing it because she was hopeful about fixing it.
'You have to know deep inside your heart, OK, I’m ready to do this because it is a commitment to really stand up and say, OK, I’m ready to leave. Because this is no joke, this is life changing. And not just for your, for everybody else' —Mikaela Lagdameo
She often receives messages from people who may be in a similar situation as herself in the past but Mikaela believes only you will know if you should walk away from your marriage or not. “You have to know deep inside your heart, OK, I’m ready to do this because it is a commitment also to really stand up and say, OK, I’m ready to leave. Because this is no joke, this is life changing. And not just for your, for everybody else, especially.
Mikaela had to silence the voices and not think about others’ opinions when she made her decision. “I had to shut out everyone's opinion, literally and usually, I am the type of person who will always consider others first.
“Even if there are books to read about it, but when you're in that when you're actually there, it's so different. It's so different when you're in that position of like a real, like a bad or failing marriage. I never thought it was this hard. Because no joke, it is hard, Mikaela said.
Advice for those at a crossroad
“Pause and look within. You have to shut out everyone’s voices, everyone’s opinions because there’s so many people telling you what to do, you know like typical Filipino family. ‘Dont’ do this, do that’--but you have to take a break from all of that and look–what do I want? What do I need right here?
She added, “Because if you don’t have that solid voice and belief and confidence in yourself, you can’t make the first step.
Mikaela revealed that she decided to move out of their three days before she actually did. Once she found a condo unit to stay in, she said yes, and moved in within a span of two days because she was so convinced of her decision.
“Women have to stand their ground and be confident. Because when you’re wavering and if you’re still in that decision, people won’t take you seriously. You have to be like, ‘I’m serious about this, I decided and I’m going to do it’ and you do it and really, it has to be that strong will inside of you.”