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  • I Love My Husband But After Our Baby I Don't Find Sex Interesting Anymore

    A new mom confesses that she even has to fake her orgasms whenever they make love.
    by Kitty Elicay .
I Love My Husband But After Our Baby I Don't Find Sex Interesting Anymore
PHOTO BY @GeorgeRudy/iStock
  • Caring for a newborn is so exhausting that parents find themselves putting things on hold — including getting intimate in the bedroom. This is perfectly understandable, and experts even suggest delaying sexy time for six weeks after giving birth in order to let your body heal. But what if you just don’t find sex appealing anymore?

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    On our parenting community, Smart Parenting Village, a confused mom shared her #SPConfession: it’s been two years since she and her husband had a baby, but she doesn’t find sex interesting anymore.  

    “After being in a relationship for almost eight years, my boyfriend and I decided to get married in 2019. But after I got pregnant and gave birth two years ago, hindi na po bumalik ‘yung urge ko na mag-sex.

    “My husband is a seafarer and I know I’m supposed to feel ‘sabik,’ but every time nakakababa si hubby and we become intimate, I always have to fake my orgasm.

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    “Don’t get me wrong — I love my husband so much. Wala po akong kinawiwilihan. But I don’t find sex interesting anymore. Maybe because I’m super hands on sa baby namin to the point na hindi ko na naiisip ‘yung ganung bagay. Kumbaga, hindi na po ako nakakaramdam ng lust or ‘libog’.

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    “I must admit there are times na I need to watch porn or sexy movies para ma-‘turn on’ ako before we make love. I have not confessed to my hubby kasi I’m worried baka ano ang isipin niya. Normal lang po kaya ito?”

    Why moms don’t want sex after having a baby

    According to moms in our Village, this feeling is normal especially for new moms who are hands on with their little ones. “Kapag preoccupied ka na sa baby mo, mas gusto mo na matulog ka na lang,” shares one mother.

    Science also has an explanation why moms who have just given birth don’t feel like having sex. The levels of their reproductive hormones, which are 1,000 times higher than when they are not pregnant, suddenly crashes to menopausal levels after birth. If they are breastfeeding, this can cause even lower estrogen levels, which results to vaginal dryness and a loss of sex drive, according to Motherly.

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    Before your baby, the bonding hormone oxytocin is released whenever you hug, snuggle, or becoming intimate with your partner. But now that you have your baby, the oxytocin is released whenever you breastfeed or hold them close, which allows you to bond with your child and feel an instant connection.

    "This transfer of emotional energy is thought to decrease sexual desire and increase responsiveness to infant stimuli in postpartum women by activating the brain regions associated with reward," says Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a clinical sexologist, to Motherly.

    If you’ve been feeling the lack of sex drive for a longer time, one mom in our Village pointed out that it can be due to hormonal changes that you experience when you take contraceptives. One of its side effects is lower libido.

    How to bring intimacy back after baby

    Don’t be too pressured about resuming intimacy with your husband after having a child. Take some time for self-care — a mom needs to focus on herself, be happy and healthy so she can take care of her baby and her family.

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    “Kung hindi mo feel, don’t be so hard on yourself,” advised one mom in our Village. “Focus on your husband, focus on the intimacy. Kung madalas siya ang winner, ok lang ‘yun. Don’t keep score. His happiness is yours din. Basta dapat promise niya hindi siya tatanggi ‘pag ikaw ang mangalabit.”

    There are also other ways to become intimate without having sex! Flirt with each other, shower together, have a date night at home. Maintain the spark with your significant other by laughing together, snuggling, cuddling, and making out.

    A free steamy sneak peek!
    "A night with me comes with a price tag. I assure you, it’s worth every cent." Women pay Raoul Rossetti for his services. Find out why in his new tell-all book!
    By signing up, you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
    Check your inbox!
    Ready for one hot read? You can now download your sneak peek from the email we sent you. Didn't receive one? Check your spam and junk folders.
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    Lastly, have respect for yourself and each other. If you don’t feel like making love tonight, be honest and trust that your partner will respect your decision. Good relationships work when you have an open line of communication and you tell things to each other honestly and kindly. Trust in your love!

    READ THESE STORIES ON INTIMACY AND RELATIONSHIPS

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    How do you sneak in sexy time when the kids are always around? A sex therapist shares her tips here.

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