Spouse Struggles with Online Gambling: 'Iwanan o Tulungan?'

In an anonymous post on Smart Parenting Village, one Filipino mother’s story reveals the painful reality of loving through the devastating impact of an online gambling addiction.

The anonymous respondent, Ava*, a devoted wife and mom, opens up, “Tulungan niyo naman ako mag-isip ng matuwid, mga mommies. Naguguluhan na ako. Ang asawa ko ay nalulong sa online sugal since pandemic.”

When online sugalan infiltrated her marriage via her husband's sabong obsession, it shattered trust, finances, and health—especially during her high-risk pregnancy and illness. “Buntis ako nang ma-discover ko ’yon. At iyon na rin ang simula ng pagbagsak ng health ko. Dahil doon, nagkasakit na ako nang malala dahil sa stress, nawalan ng work, na-depress, pero bumangon ulit para sa mga anak ko,” she detailed.

“Ano ba’ng gagawin ko? Paano ‘ko ’to makakaya?” This mom needed answers.

It began innocently. What started as casual influence from friends quickly escalated into a gambling addiction. “It started during the pandemic when online sabong was popular. He was influenced by his friends, so he tried it, and he got hooked,” shares Ava.

She adds, “Because it was the pandemic when it started, everything else was already difficult–finances, mobility, health scares, etc. So, it was extra difficult when I discovered that he was gambling early in my pregnancy.”

She carries on, saying, “I was unable to physically care for my children because I was so sick, I could barely walk. To this day, I still cry when I remember how heart-and-soul-crushing it was not being able to carry and comfort my child when she fell on the floor. She was just learning to walk at that time. She cried and gave me a look as if she was begging me to save her from the fall. That memory is so clear and painful until now.”

Contrary to popular belief or how it’s usually portrayed in movies—where a gambling addict is often violent out of frustration and desperation—her husband James* remained diligent with household chores and his fatherly duties.

“He cooks, cleans, does the laundry, etc., without being told. He is also a very hands-on and loving father,” she recalls.

“However, when I felt the heavy impact of his gambling, I became resentful. I know his sacrifices, I appreciate him, and I still feel grateful for his diligence. But at the same time, every mistake he made irritated me so much.  It’s like his mistakes were magnified,” Ava adds.

James promised that he would stop gambling. “I wanted to believe him because I was hoping that our family could put that dark period behind us so that we could finally live a renewed life. So, I brushed off all the signs that he was into it again. Thus, when my child showed me a picture of him gambling online again, I was struck! I was betrayed all over again!”

Smart Parenting Village weighed in. One parent said, “Mahirap na po ‘yan magbago; siya lang ang makakatulong sa sarili niya.”

Another parent recommended letting her husband face the consequences of his actions. “May sumasambot kasi sa pagsusugal niya, kaya ganyan siya. Majority ng mga taong nalulong tapos nagbago eh naranasan talaga nilang malugmok dahil sa pagsusugal. Sila mismo yung nakaka-realize na oras na para magbago. Hindi ikaw ang makakapagpabago sa kanya; siya. ‘Wag mo s’yang sambutin kapag nalubog ulit siya dahil sa pagsusugal. You've done your part; it is time to do his part.”

A third parent suggests seeking medical attention: “Please seek professional help. Addiction is an illness that needs treatment. He needs treatment. You need prayers to discern God's will and grant you strength. Journey with him in his recovery.”

Last year’s records from PAGCOR show that 32 million adult Filipinos engage in gambling. “That’s one-third of our total population. Half of our adult population—since we have around 60 million adults—are gambling. When I saw this, I almost fell off my chair,” Senator Win Gatchalian said in Filipino.

Online gambling encompasses diverse formats accessible via apps and websites, from casino simulations and online poker rooms to sports betting, like online sabong.

Online sabong, or e-sabong, allows remote betting on live cockfights streamed from licensed arenas, rooted in the Philippines' ancient cockfighting tradition. President Ferdinand R. Marcos Jr. issued an executive order in 2022 mandating the continued suspension of e-sabong operations nationwide amid addiction and crime concerns.

According to the President’s order, the state “has the paramount obligation to protect public health and morals and promote public safety and general welfare.”

However, more than two years after the said nationwide ban, online cockfighting or e-sabong continues to operate, according to research firm The Fourth Wall, after conducting sociocultural research on unregulated online gambling platforms.

According to DFS Consulting, a Philippine-based mental health company, below are the usual signs of gambling addiction:

• Preoccupation: Constantly thinking about gambling or planning the next session

• Loss of control: Inability to stop or cut back despite repeated attempts

• Tolerance: Needing to gamble more money to achieve the same excitement

• Withdrawal: Feeling restless, irritable, or anxious when not gambling

• Neglect: Ignoring responsibilities, relationships, or health due to gambling

• Chasing losses: Continuing to gamble to win back lost money.

• Lying or hiding behavior: Concealing gambling activity from friends or family

• Financial problems: Borrowing money, going into debt, or selling possessions to fund gambling

If you want to help your spouse struggling with gambling, how do you find the courage, and where should you start? We’ve rounded up a list for you so you can both start your way to healing and recovery.

1. Seek professional support. Gambling addiction is a serious medical and mental health concern. Reach out to mental health professionals or recovery programs for guidance and support for your spouse. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), counseling, and peer support groups such as Gamblers Anonymous (GA) can help address gambling addiction and support long-term recovery. They can be reached at +63 915 938 2808 and talktous@gaphilippines.com. They also hold virtual meetings.

2. Uninstall apps. Reduce exposure to gambling by uninstalling apps and blocking gambling websites through browser extensions or software. It may also help to limit access to funds by unlinking e-wallets or credit/debit cards to gaming sites.

3. Choose a calm moment to set clear boundaries with your spouse. As much as possible, avoid confrontation. When things are calmer, ask your spouse to avoid situations, environments, or social circles that may encourage or trigger gambling behavior. Additionally, while it’s natural to want to help, repeatedly covering debts or rescuing your spouse from the consequences of gambling can unintentionally prolong the problem. You have to set clear boundaries.

4. Encourage self-awareness. Help your spouse identify patterns and emotional triggers—such as financial stress, boredom, loneliness, or peer influence—so that your spouse can later on build healthier coping strategies.

5. Replace gambling with healthier habits. Find a new hobby together—running, walking, or simply spending quality time with the family—so both of you can redirect time and energy.

6. Help them understand that gambling is a business, not a charity. Gambling is designed as a business model—not a reliable way to earn income.

7. Seek support for yourself. Living with a partner struggling with addiction can be emotionally draining. Consider counseling or support groups for yourself as well to help manage stress and stay mentally fit as you both recover from the struggle. Making sure that you take care of yourself is another way to support your struggling spouse.

Despite the trauma, for her family’s sake and her faith, Ava decided to stay and instead gave her husband, James, an ultimatum. Fortunately, things seem to be getting better these days.

She shares, “I know that God is touching his heart. This may be the reason why our current situation at home is better. I can feel my husband’s sincerity in providing for us. He works hard. He’s still very hands-on at home and with our kids.  Little by little, I’m seeing love, peace and health returning to our home.”

“I learned that my husband is not my real enemy. There is a bigger enemy that wants to kill, steal, and destroy the happy and holy life that God wants for us," Ava says.

She has advice for families in similar situations: “Healing is not meant to be carried alone. Prayer and openness bring restoration to individuals and families. Support each other as you all navigate through the beautiful process of restoration.”

*Names and family details have been changed to protect the identity of the anonymous community member.

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