In any thing that would require change, the first thing that we have to do is, gather real information. Kung may behavioral problems si baby, we have to root out the cause of it. Mag-observe ka, ask people around, and ask your child as well. Prepare your heart to hear some things that might hurt you ---bottomline, we just want to know the truth, para matulungan mo yung anak mo.
Yung mga name calling, like "maldita", is a learned behavior. Look for neighbors, usual playmates, or even, favorite teleseryes that your child is exposed to. It might not necessarily be your mother per se. Grandparents are mostly more lenient, but it helps that when you discipline your child, eh "united" kayo.
When I hear my friend and my yaya, say inappropriate things (like masungit, malandi or something na namecalling ang katumbas) while we are having a conversation and we are infront of my child, nagagalit ako. I stop them and remind them that they have to be careful because baby is there, I don't want baby to "adopt" the adult words, eh its very hard to explain the adults' biases and perception.
Four years old is a vital stage....super galing na mag-isip and mag-reason out. It's ok to talk and reason out, pero as always, there is a proper way to address and express your frustration. I help my child express them better, by asking him to calm down, if not, i'm not gonna talk to him. We breathe in and out, together, or ask him to blow his fingers (like a candle) to calm his nerves, tapos that's the only time that we talk, and we address his frustration.
It's easier to get angry and mamalo, when one is tired especially kung galing kang office/work. It's almost automatic. If you're too stressed, di mo rin mamamalayan, napakadali mong mainis.
Baby had a "behavior" din before, and it got me into thinking kasi bumaba yung conduct niya. I had some soul searching, and I asked yaya. She told me I got so busy kasi with other things, and my son, being considerate, was not bothering me, but he couldn't handle the fact that I don't have time for him, kaya ayun, sa pagpapansin, naging mainitin ang ulo and iyakin. Buti na lang, in just about one month, naayos na. I had to keep all my promise to him, and spend exclusive time with him as well. In time, he trusted me that our "me time" cannot be compromised and mommy is always there for him.
Cheers, it's not hard to see how to put him back in the right direction. You are her mom, who loves her immensely. Try talking softly and asking questions in a non-pagalit manner and neutral zone, like in a playground/fast food...yung kayo lang, wala si lola. make a habit of a date, once a week. Promise, that will improve.