Parent Chat

Parenting => Real Parenting => Single Moms => Topic started by: KristineAra on February 10, 2013, 03:13:14 pm

Title: Which surname to use?
Post by: KristineAra on February 10, 2013, 03:13:14 pm
Im already on my 28th week of pregnancy as a single mom with my first child.  It has been a battle for me to decide if I should let my child carry the name of his father since we separated before my pregnancy was confirmed and is now with another woman.  Im not receiving the typical support a father gives to his child. Kailangan pang ako yung lumapit sa kanya kapag magpapasama ako mamili ng gamit ng baby namin, not to mention im not receiving financial support. However, Im still on the edge of hoping that we can fix things kasi kapag nag-uusap kami in person, it seemed like he is a different man na supportive sa pregnancy ko.  Nagbabago na lang kapag sa phone lang ako nakikipagusap, where my friends will tell me kasi kasama niya yung other woman dun.

Right now my dilemma is about naming my child. Which is easier, have him carry my surname and have it annotated if and only if we get married in the future, im still hoping kasi he tells me that he still thinks of the possiblity in the future,? or have him carry his father's name with me thinking of having it changed to my surname in the long run?

Likewise, how is it possible to have my child have his father's name on his birth cert but still use my surname?
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: mommyallora on February 21, 2013, 07:51:11 pm
hi, pareho tayo medyo ng situation. i've became pregnant in the age of 17 and already a mother in the age of 18. 3months na ngayon si baby and since i'm pregnant wala akong napala sa tatay niya. humingi kami ng legal advice sa lawyer, tungkol sa financial support at sa surname nga. if gusto ko daw magfile, kailangan ko daw ng evidence na siya talaga yung tatay na nagpabadtrip sakin.nagtanong ako about sa surname, legal daw lahat kahit gamitin niya yung surname ko, walang magiging problema. except sa identity crisis na pwede niya harapin paglaki niya.

di naman sa inaadvice ko na gayahin mo yung ginawa kong move, pero nagdecide ako na wag na lang gawing mas complicated yung situation. ayoko kasi iinsist sa taong ayaw, ang kawawa yung baby ko if lalaki siya ganung environment. magiging illegitimate pa siya. i know darating yung time na maeexplain ko din lahat but for now uunahin ko muna lahat ng needs niya sa buhay.

i know it's a hard time, but God is good. and i know your a strong person. kaya mo yan:D
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: appleliciousforever on March 06, 2013, 12:38:02 pm
I am also a single parent... we broke up before ko malaman na buntis ako due to a third party...
He initially wanted to have the baby named after him pero hindi naman siya nagsign sa busy dahil naniwala siya dun sa babae na di kailangan yun... which is the most stupid thing I heard kasi its not possible dahil di nga kami kasal...

To make the long story short, my son and I have the same last name. Mas natuwa pa ang father ko since siya yung pinaka-apektado nung namalan niya na nabuntis ako.

Sa akin mas okay ito. What if makainpon ako at dalhin ko sa HK or SG yung baby ko, hahagilapin ko pa siya para lang magpapirma ng consent?

I-weigh mo kung saan ka mas panatag. Aanhin ng anak ang apelyido ng tatay niya kung ayaw naman nitong maging parte ng buhay nung bata.



Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: amielle on April 08, 2013, 10:28:55 am
Since hindi naman sya ang nag-iinitiate at kailangang ikaw pa ang lumapit twing me kailangan ka, parang medyo maahirap umasa about sa future. Lalo din at me other party. Though syempre only you know what the real situation is.  For me, mas ok kung gamitin mo na lang surname mo.  I did, with my son.  Though now that he's already 9, ilang beses na niya nabanggit na sana daw pareho sila ng surname ng papa niya.  Ineexplain ko na lang na ang bata kahit sa mama or papa man ang surname, pwede din. 
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: chienrou on April 11, 2013, 02:17:47 pm
salamat po sa post na ito medyo nalilnawan ako..

I am 25 weeks preggy and iniisip kp din kung kanino ko dapat ipangalan yung baby ko..
tingin ko po mas okay kung huwag na natin ipagamit ang surname ng father nila kung ayaw naman diba? mas mahirap po kasi yun eh.. saka yun nga, what if may plan kayong mag abroad and hiwalay naman kayo ng father ng anak niyo, mahihirapan lang po kayong umalis na bansa..
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: licious10 on April 11, 2013, 07:23:35 pm
hello :) im not a single parent pero napagdaanan ko din ang dilemma mo sis,nainis ako sa bf ko kasi naman,umabot na ng 5mos un tiyan ko eh di pa alam ng family namin,ang masakit pa dun,nalaman ng family niya na preggy ako sa ibang tao pa at d sakanya,nagalit ako at aun nga,ayoko din sana ipangalan sakanya baby ko,as time goes by,before ako manganak,naging ok naman bf ko sakin,financially..pero were ok din naman,nun nanganak nako,di inaasahang naospital baby ko coz of uti,aun kailangan talaga na ipangalan sakanya gawa ng philhealth..nagagampanan naman niya un pagiging tatay niya sa anak ko,so ayun,ok na din sakin na skanya nkapangalan,if i where in your situation,better pa ata na wag mo na ipangalan sakanya,bakit pa?eh di niya nga magampanan responsibilities niya,he doesn't deserve your child,kung ayaw wag,kaya nyo namang mabuhay ng wala siya o kahit di dala ng baby mo surname niya life will go on.kaya mo yan! =p
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: mybabykaitlin on April 12, 2013, 03:07:12 pm
hello po sa lahat. ako po kasi pinayagan ko na gamitin ng anak ko ang surname ng tatay niya kahit subrang sama ng ginawa dahil dalawa kami sabay na nabuntis niya. ayaw ko sana noong una kaya lang sabi karapatan daw ng bata na gamitin surname ng tatay niya talaga. kaya lang ngayon parang pinagsisisihan ko kasi simula ng ako ay mabuntis at hanggang ngayon na 1 year old na anak ko ay walang support na naibibigay... kahit na po baga sana pang diaper lang kasi ang reason daw ay napakaliit ng sahod niya at mas malaki daw sahod ko, isa pa ay wala work yung isa pang nabuntis niya. ( Ako po ang nag decide na hindi kami magpakasal dahil nawalan ako ng tiwala sa ginawa niya).
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: simplem0m on April 15, 2013, 08:24:08 am
In your situatuon right now, much better not to use surname ng father ng baby mo. He didnt bother nga to ask sayo if ipapa-panglan mo ba sa kanya? You have all the right since wala naman syang paki-alam sa inyo ni baby. Atleast hindi din magugulo ang isip ni baby when she/he grown up, na bakit magka-iba kayo ng surname, mahihirapan ka pa mag explain. Mas madali na siguro paltan ang surname ni baby if ok na kayo ng father niya. Or what if you found someone who is willing to marry you, mas madali ma-transfer ang surname niya, kasi no need na ang consent or signature ng father niya. Parang mas madali ang process kesa may father nga naka pirma sa birth cert. pero di naman pinaninindigan ang pagiging ama niya. But syempre, the decisions is still up to you.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: nikkimendoza on April 15, 2013, 09:10:15 am
In your case, if he acknowledges your baby then go para may habol ka if di na siya nagsusupport.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: amieh on April 15, 2013, 12:22:46 pm
kasi simula ng ako ay mabuntis at hanggang ngayon na 1 year old na anak ko ay walang support na naibibigay... kahit na po baga sana pang diaper lang kasi ang reason daw ay napakaliit ng sahod niya at mas malaki daw sahod ko, isa pa ay wala work yung isa pang nabuntis niya.

hay naku sis you can file a legal support for your child. if i were you make it legal para sure kang meron every month! hindi katwiran na mas malaki ang sweldo mo kaya hindi sya magbibigay at dun lang sya sa kabila magbibigay dahil wala yun work!! hindi mo na kasalanan yun noh! ang usapan dun eh anak nyo yun pareho kaya share kayo sa expenses nung bata! ano sya taga kalat lang ng lahi??!! haller! mag file ka sis, pwede ka humingi ng tulong PAO. better do it now sis, it's for your child and it's her right. pag hindi niya sinunod yung magiging kasulatan nyo sa PAO, automatic kulong sya at criminal case yun sis. ;)
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: sweet_escape on April 19, 2013, 10:35:00 pm
i decided not to use the father's surname for the simple reason that it will complicate things in the future.

if the father is unwilling to take responsibility at the time of your child's conception, do not chase... nothing will change. even after the child is born.... just take comfort in the fact that your baby is both a gift and a blessing. be self-sufficient and focus on taking care of yourself and your baby.

Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: mybabykaitlin on April 22, 2013, 03:10:49 pm
sis amieh, Thank you. napapaisip na ako ngayon kasi tama sabi mo eh...
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: on April 24, 2013, 05:05:02 am
In your case, if he acknowledges your baby then go para may habol ka if di na siya nagsusupport.

sorry po ha pero kung ako sa kanya wag na lang talaga, sa baby ko,nakapangalan sa ama pirmado niya kahit na ayoko na pero di naman nagsusuporta.anong use di ba?  :P
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: happymemom on April 24, 2013, 09:21:17 am
Hi there sis! POV ko lang, kung gusto niya talaga na i-acknowledge ang anak mo, hindi naman kailangan na sa kanya pa rin nakasurname. Nakaacknowledge ang tatay sa birth cert pero ang gamit na surname ay sau. Ganun ang nangyari sa akin. So in case na ikasal na kayo, madali na lang ang process para ichange ang surname ni baby at maging legitimate child. Though di gamit ni baby ang surname, kung naka-acknowledge si daddy, may habol ka for support.

Kung ayaw niya namang i-acknowledge, di mo siya mapipilit. Mahihirapan ka lang din na humingi ng support.
Sa mga support cases na nabasa ko, pahirapan lang din ang paghingi ng support. Di rin naman kasi ganun kahigpit ang batas na ito.

So kung ako sayo, ipaacknowledge mo si daddy pero ang surname ay sayo.

Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: baby chloe on April 26, 2013, 07:06:44 am
naku mga  sis here's some practical advice Lang. if di naman well-to-do ang guy na pwede magpamana ng limpak limpak na pera, lalo na if wala naman stable job, wag mo nalang ipa acknowledge. in my line of work I meet cases like these everyday, and almost always the father refuses to give support. so Kung kaya mo naman buhayin ang anak mo at di naman ganun kayaman ang guy, might as well not force him to acknowledge the baby.  in case later on in life, you meet another guy who's willing to accept your baby, then it will be easier for you to adopt your kid after you get married. you won't need biological father's consent.

on the flipside, if biological daddy expresses eagerness to acknowledge, then go. your child also has the right to be acknowledged and to all the privileges and rights of an acknowledged child, although illegitimate. if biological father dies and leaves a hefty estate, may habol anak mo sa mana. hehe.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: bigote on April 29, 2013, 09:45:01 am
hmmm baka madami magalit.... POV lang ha... la magawa e.  . thou it doesn't  give a man the right to have his name used for unwed birth,  it definitely send a wrong signal that you a willing to remove him from the life of your child.    sang ka tutak na ang mga tatay na iresponsable sa mundong ibabaw pero pag ang kanyang pangalan ay dala ng bata,,, nandoon pa din yung sense of ownership and it reminds them of their supposed responsibility, . pag di dala ng bata yung apelido niya,  lalo silang nagiging iresponsable.. sabi ng iba, panagalan lang naman, bakit di mo pa ibigay,,,   you owe it to your child..  POV lang.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: mworx on April 29, 2013, 10:53:04 am
I am using my mom's surname since she's not married to my dad.  So I am an illegitimare child sa birth certificate (no father indicated) but until now naka support pa rin sa amin ang papa ko. 

I think mas madaling wag na gamitin ang surname ng biological father kasi in term of documentations like pagkuha ng passport o visa kelangan obligahin mo yun lalaki na pumirma which is abala pa at paano kung magka pamilya na siya e parang kawawa naman ang dating mo.  Instead be independent (kasi kagustuhan mo rin yan, swerte kung responsable yun lalaki kung hindi wag mo na habul habulin at magiging kawawa ka lang pati ang anak mo.

Yun ate ko nung pupunta siya sa US with her son na di niya kasama yung tatay ng bata, gumawa siya ng paraan para nailabas niya ng basa without the consent of the father.  Medyo magulo kaya gamitin mo na lang surname mo.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: a_sweet_12 on April 29, 2013, 12:50:16 pm
If I were in the same situation, hindi ko na papagamit surname ng father. Let's face the reality, mukang wala nmang balak makipag-ayos ulit sayo ang father kasi my other woman pa. If he really loves u and ur child dapat iwan niya yung other woman, mgkakaron na sya ng pamilya kaya dapat umpisahan niya na ang pagiging responsable. Korek din ibang mommies dito about sa mga consent, abala pa in the future un.

Anyway, wala rin sa pag-gamit ng surname un. Kung magpapaka-tatay sya maraming paraan. :-)

Be positive ka na lang muna mommy, happy pregnancy.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: einie on April 29, 2013, 01:48:13 pm
Use your surname:

1. Less hassle when you need to travel abroad. Remember,you need to secure the father's consent. What if he doesn't want (naginarte lang), what if you couldn't locate him,etc,etc.

2. On mana issues,may mamanahin ba siya sa tatay niya?LOL ang isipin mo ngayon,yung kapakanan ng anak mo. Alagaan mo siya,magtrabaho ka at palakihin siya ng maayos.

3. Di rin naman interesado yung tatay so why bother? Look forward sister. Look for what's best for you and your child.
Title: Hello mga Mommies
Post by: Mommy ni KC on May 15, 2013, 03:43:05 pm
I need your advices po baka meron kayong mai advice about sa issue ko. Im 8 months pregnant and Due ko na po sa June. Nakakahiya mang aminin pero ang totoo before we discover that i was pregnant break na kami ni BF so yun. Pero alam niya naman about the child and sabi niya he already informed his family about my pregnancy., Pero kaming 2 hindi na namin napag usapan ang about sa amin. Caught him with someone else's actually after we broke up. His helping somehow, di ko pala nabanggit seafarer sya (Seaman). At di sya makakarating ngayong June sa kabuwanan ko. Ang problema ko is my child's birth certificate ano po ba ang dapat kong gawin?

- any suggestions and comments are very well appreciated. Thank you guys
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: Mommy Jazz on May 15, 2013, 03:48:43 pm
msgemini.gemini@gmail.com's post merged with this topic.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: Mommy ni KC on May 15, 2013, 05:04:18 pm
Im already on my 28th week of pregnancy as a single mom with my first child.  It has been a battle for me to decide if I should let my child carry the name of his father since we separated before my pregnancy was confirmed and is now with another woman.  Im not receiving the typical support a father gives to his child. Kailangan pang ako yung lumapit sa kanya kapag magpapasama ako mamili ng gamit ng baby namin, not to mention im not receiving financial support. However, Im still on the edge of hoping that we can fix things kasi kapag nag-uusap kami in person, it seemed like he is a different man na supportive sa pregnancy ko.  Nagbabago na lang kapag sa phone lang ako nakikipagusap, where my friends will tell me kasi kasama niya yung other woman dun.

Right now my dilemma is about naming my child. Which is easier, have him carry my surname and have it annotated if and only if we get married in the future, im still hoping kasi he tells me that he still thinks of the possiblity in the future,? or have him carry his father's name with me thinking of having it changed to my surname in the long run?

Likewise, how is it possible to have my child have his father's name on his busy but still use my surname?



--- same pala tayo ng situation Mommy, Im giving birth this coming June, Doubt ko din kung kailangan ko pa bang kausapin ang x-bf about the Surname of our child. Pero gusto ko parin sana malaman kung gaano sya ka willing na dalhin  ng baby namin ang lastname niya.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: Mommy ni KC on May 15, 2013, 05:05:57 pm
 same pala tayo ng situation Mommy, Im giving birth this coming June, Doubt ko din kung kailangan ko pa bang kausapin ang x-bf about the Surname of our child. Pero gusto ko parin sana malaman kung gaano sya ka willing na dalhin  ng baby namin ang lastname niya.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: strawberryjewel on June 21, 2013, 04:02:49 am
Hello momsies. help naman po, puro surname problema niyo, ako naman po middle name ng baby ko. Hehe. Super decided na po kasi ako mag-single mother at ipangalan sa'kin ang anak ko, pero paano po 'yung middle name niya sa birth certificate? Ano po dapat ko ilagay 'yung middle name ko din or just leave it blank? Thanks in advance mga sis! :) :






















Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: licious10 on June 21, 2013, 07:49:12 am
^sis an alam ko pag same ng middle ang ibig sabihin nun magkapatid kayo,ganun kasi yung friend ko,dalwa sila magkapatid then single mom momy niya,pare-parehas sila ng middle at surname,kaya ang labas magkakapatid sila,parang ganun? :)
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: strawberryjewel on June 21, 2013, 09:17:18 am
Ay ganun po? Anchaka naman nun kung para kami magkapatid. So leave it blank nalang po? :)
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: anousheh on June 21, 2013, 02:09:23 pm
I@strawberryjewel, yes, I suggest to leave it blank, anyway, middle name is just a matter of practice of tradition here in our country, but actually, legally speaking, it is not needed. Although it can help for identification purposes especially if you encounter problems due to similarity in first and last name with an individual of questionable integrity, having a different middle name can help you a lot.   :)
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: Mommy Jazz on June 21, 2013, 02:52:57 pm
Related topic:
Deciding on my child's surname and legal requirements
http://www.smartparenting.com.ph/parentchat/index.php/topic,52621

Change of child's surname
http://www.smartparenting.com.ph/parentchat/index.php/topic,49215
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: nikolai on July 30, 2013, 07:38:04 pm
I'm a single parent and in my case, my child is carrying her father's surname.

I just want to make it clear that when you apply for a passport or even a VISA, you do not need consent from the father .  Since the child is illegitimate, sole parental authority is given to the mother.  My daughter has travelled abroad and has acquired a US VISA ( and been to the US ) with no hassle. 😃 All you need when you travel is a copy of your child's birth certificate.,.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: Marjoan on August 08, 2013, 06:26:44 pm
Hello po mga mommies! Single parent din po ako tulad ninyo at pinagiisipan ko kung isusunod ko ba yung apelido ng baby ko sa ex ko. Nasa abroad po sya at nagbibigay naman ng pera monthly. Naghiwalay kami nung July lang po, kasi nalaman ko may gf na sya sa USA. Ngayon nagdadalawang isip ako kung isusunod ko po sa kanya, wala naman po kasi syang nabanggit na dapat sa kanya naka-apelido. Pero my main concern is, pwede ko ba sya i-force na sustentuhan yung anak namen monthly e minor lang po sya? 17 palang po sya at ako po 21. Sana po matulungan nyo ako. Salamat in advance.
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: ahyzeyuh on August 09, 2013, 09:12:32 am
Share ko lang sis
im a single parent too, my kid is now 4yrs old and shes using my last name

the father denied my kid nung nagbubuntis pa lang ako, so hindi na ako nag-dalawang isip to use my last name

my kid nagmukha nga kaming magkapatid- we are both same middle and last name hehe

after 1 year the father acknowledge our daughter pero wala pa ring support. we are in speaking terms pero di na kami nagkabalikan which is better  :)

Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: MommyniAddie on August 12, 2013, 08:08:12 am
Hi Sis...kung may acknowledgment na ng father, may sign po ba sya sa back part ng Birth Certificate?...if not po sis, surname mo pa rin yung dadalhin niya..and I think dapat po hindi mo nilagyan ng middle name mo kasi lalabas na magkapatid kayo...better check it habang maaga pa para maiwasan na conflict paglaki niya at gagamitin na niya ang birth certificate...
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: SheIsErika on August 12, 2013, 09:50:41 am
im a single parent too. surname ko ang dinadala ng son ko pero may sign ang father niya sa birth certificate.
does it mean na dapat surname ng father ng baby ko ang gamitin niya since may sign sa birth certificate?

ang gulo lang po kasi kung ano ba naging usapan ng sister ko and ni ex, sila po kasi lang talaga nagkausap.
since ayaw na ko palapitin kay ex dahil nga wala siyang kahit na anong plan nung malaman na preggy ako pero inacknowledge naman niya si baby at nagsign sa birth certificate.

paano po ba?


thanks mommies
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: anousheh on August 12, 2013, 01:13:01 pm
@SheIsErika, no need to change your son's surname to that of his father. Although it's good that he acknowledged him by signing the birth certificate kc in d future pag nagkaroon kayo ng issue on support, meron kang primary evidence na magagamit. When he signed the birth certificate kc, you have d option whether or not to let your son use his father's surname, and take note, option lang ha, not mandatory since d naman kayo kasal. :)
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: MommyniAddie on August 12, 2013, 01:50:52 pm
Hello po mga mommies! Single parent din po ako tulad ninyo at pinagiisipan ko kung isusunod ko ba yung apelido ng baby ko sa ex ko. Nasa abroad po sya at nagbibigay naman ng pera monthly. Naghiwalay kami nung July lang po, kasi nalaman ko may gf na sya sa USA. Ngayon nagdadalawang isip ako kung isusunod ko po sa kanya, wala naman po kasi syang nabanggit na dapat sa kanya naka-apelido. Pero my main concern is, pwede ko ba sya i-force na sustentuhan yung anak namen monthly e minor lang po sya? 17 palang po sya at ako po 21. Sana po matulungan nyo ako. Salamat in advance.

Hi sis..suggestion ko lang po regarding sa surname ng baby, isunod mo na lang po sayo...parang its useless naman to have his surname pa eh ganyang parang wala naman na kayong plan to get back together...hindi mo rin siya mapo force to support your child..minsan nga kahit surname na ng tatay ang dala wala pa ring kasiguraduhan ang sustento...be a happy single mom na lang for your baby ;)..POV ko lang po ha
Title: Re: Which surname to use?
Post by: SheIsErika on August 12, 2013, 02:41:07 pm
@ anousheh hi si, thanks for your response.
medyo naguluhan kasi ko i thought it's automatic na
pag nakasign ang daddy dapat surname na niya ans
gagamitin. eh in my case di ganon nangyari.

and mommies mas ok na rin na surname ko ang gamit ni baby
since no communication at all na kay ex. Para di rin hassle sa
mga documents ni baby if ever in  the future atleast ako na lang
ang magdedesisyon.
Title: Re: Welcome newbie! Post your concern here.
Post by: Reighley jillian Bautista on March 01, 2019, 04:15:13 pm
Hi! Newbie po..😊 i need an advice po... i am 2years separated from my husband.. but still using his surname.. i am now 5weeks pregnant with my new boyfriend.. does anyone do have an idea kung pano magiging surname ng baby ko..???