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dianne_gwa@yahoo.com

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i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« on: October 20, 2009, 04:38:42 am »

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Hello. I have a 16 yr old daughter..nahihirapang akong mag adjust sa attitude niya. Sabi niya very boring s house namin at preferred niya makipag bonding sa mga friends niya kesa sa amin na family niya. I am very strict pa daw...at her age 15  pinayagan ko siya mga boyfriend kesa naman i secret pa niya sa amin. Pero hindi ko siya pinapayagang lumabas  pumunta kahit saan kasi nga I'm protecting her and at her age  hindi pa siya mature. Natatakot ako baka kasi mag rebelde . Please give me an advice. Thanks

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danegerous_429

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Re: i need an advice
« Reply #1 on: October 20, 2009, 07:25:23 am »

well it's better na wag masyadong higpitan kasi lalong papalag yan ,.,


wag mo rin naman masyadong luwagan at baka sumobra ,..,.,]


talk to her not as her mom but as a friend who she can share her secrets with,.,.,.
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Masakari14

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Re: i need an advice
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2009, 02:20:42 pm »

Try this: Think back to when you were 16. Thinkof the things you wanted to do and what your parents did about it. Think about what happened as a consequence of your parent's decision. Now think how it has affected your life (negative or positive) Based on that you make your decision.
There comes a time when you have to learn how to trust your child to do the right thing. Being too strict is like trying to hold water in your hand, the harder you squeeze the more it will escape your grasp.
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mariann

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #3 on: October 25, 2009, 02:45:31 pm »

 just what we had discussed last night with older moms and dads here in our community. more dialogue, more compromises.  just make her realize that she is accountable for the consequences of her actions someday.

just make sure na hindi ka naman nagkulang sa guidance.  we just have to learn how to trust them, and trust our capability of raising them to be better persons.

you're right, dad masakari, the harder we squeeze the water in our hand, the more it will escape.
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danegerous_429

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2009, 01:14:48 am »

I'm a young mom so I can relate to this situation, when I was her age gusto ko lahat pwede ko magawa pero minsan di ako pinapayagan.

The best you can do is to talk to her and set your limitations and let her set her expectation.

As much as possible or as early as now talk to her about SEXedcucation be very open to her.

I hope this will help.

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mariann

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2009, 05:06:56 pm »

i'll add one more thing sis.

i am an only girl in the family.  my mama was so unreasonably strict with me during my teen years, so instead of opening up to her, i just keep things to myself.  that way, we had grown apart emotionally. 

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finecross13

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2011, 07:49:08 pm »

Raising teens with raging hormones is as equally challenging as raising a kid in the formative years in a way.
Teens who keep secrets from their parents are usually the teens who are not ATTACHED to their parents; have some trust issue problems; are smart kids (curious not WISE).

A heart to heart talk will do good. Making the house rules clear.. consequences are crucial. What is this? A prison? NO. Rebellious teens are smart therefore you can get through with them through LOGIC reasoning.

"EH HINDI NGA SUMUSUNOD EH...."

ASk yourself the questions "WHY?"
There are so many questions you can ask yourself but to put it simply, it's just that your daughter DONT TRUST what you say.

It's not easy to gain trust of your teen. Hindi isang upuang usapan lang yan. Hindi isang gabi. It's a day by day process. TALK TO THEM. Oh? You do? Ok, maybe you're doing it wrong.

Talking to teens might be a TALENT because it demands an ARTISTIC way of talking. I’m not telling you to be a drama queen. Just make sure you do the following.
1. always acknowledge your child's feelings
         Ex. Teen: I\m broken hearted!
               :( Mom: It's ok. You can find better guys.   WRONG!!!!
                :) MOM: It hurts doesnt it? Sige anak i-iyak mo lang. I'm right here.    BETTER.!!!

2. Invite cooperation (It works both ways between YOU and your daughter. Hindi lang ikaw)
    a. Instead of sarcasm and giving orders like they’re robots, describe the problem. Ano ba problema? Discuss it with your teen in a mild way.
            b. Instead of accusations and blame like :( “Sinabi ko naman kasi sayo !!! blabla!”
       Give information and ask for her opinion :)  “Anong nangyari? (let the teen explain) Anak, kasi tingin ko mas mabuti kung ganito….. ganyan…. Kasi…. Blabla.. Ikaw, ano sa tingin mo?”
   c. GIVE THEM CHOICES (good choices. Don’t include sarcastic choices)

:) “Ay nako, Hindi ka kasi nakikinig! Nagmamarunong ka! Akala mo naman kaya mo na!
:( “Mukhang mahirap ang sitwasyon anak ha. Gusto mo ba pag-usapan natin?

d. NO LECTURE please! Give them a sense of PRIDE and SHAME. (depende kung super kapal ng anak mo) :P
   :( RICa! Iyong jacket mo! TAlaga naming bata ka!
    :) Ricah, jacket mo.

   :( Ang gulo gulo ng kawrto mo! PArang basurahan! Ayusin mo nga yan!
   :) (sumilip sa kwarto. Tignan mo lang sya. Tignan mo ang kwarto. Umiling.. sabay abot ng marumihan, basurahan at walis) (shhhh don’t talk)

e. Describe what you feel.
   Sometimes teens act the way they do simply because they don’t worry about themselves.
Then, why don’t you EXPRESS YOUR feelings as a parent. Somehow, teens care about how their parents feel.

d. WRITE
   It’s tiring to talk for parents. And it’s tiring to listen for teens. Ahaha. So, why don’t you put it in writing sometimes? Yes, letters. Or just simple notes na may lambing
   Ex. Lunch box “Anak, pinagluto kita. I hope you like it.”
          Clothes      “ Anak, dib a masyadong maikli ito?”
                   Shoes         “Tara, bili kita bagong shoes. :D

e. Alternatives to punishment. Ay sus.. di naman puweding paluin ang teen. XD
a.   offer a choice
b.   state your expectations (reasonable)
c.   present the consequence
d.   express strong disapproval through TALKING not shouting (in some cases)
e.   Give chance to make amends


f. BRAINSTORM every consequence, rules, expectations and solutions to problems with your TEEN.
   Make them feel that their opinion is VALUED. Some teens might be too immature to give ‘reasonable’ response. Just discuss with them the pros and cons if their idea but do not immediately reject their ideas.

g. Give a worthy praise for a job well done.. and for every decision well made.
     Don’t give criticism that wound because it may last for a long time.


Hirap noh?
But building and rebuilding trust between the parent and the teen NEEDS PROCESS.
Observe tact, respect and honesty without compromising your authority as the parent.

DONE!

I hope that was helpful!


-teacher3na

« Last Edit: April 22, 2011, 07:51:54 pm by finecross13 »
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yangyang08

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2011, 04:54:31 pm »

Im a single mom of a 16 year old girl and a 13 year old boy.So far,medyo dramatic ang approach ko sa kanila.Im blessed kasi yung mga anak ko although umiiral yung pagka teenager sometimes,they are also sensitive kung anong mararamdaman ko sa gagawin nila.With my daughter,I see to it na open ang communication namin sa isat-isa sa kahit anong topic.I always make sure na andito lang ako palagi to listen to her...Gusto ko kasi maging open sya saken gaano man kabigat ang sitwasyon.

With my son,I put my feelings more on writing.Kasi alam mo naman ang mga anak na lalaki ayaw ng napagsasabihan.So I make it a point na sulatan sya once in awhile kung anong feelings ko sa ginagawa niya.Naapreciate naman niya and open din naman sya sa akin.

So I guess its more of an open communication.Let your children know na no matter how complicated things are,youre always there to listen to them kahit anong topic pa yan.Lumaki kasi ako with a very strict father at walang pakialam na mother so wala akong chance mag open up sa kanila.And ayoko yun maranasan ng mga anak ko kasi alam ko how hard it is. :(
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momi95

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #8 on: May 04, 2011, 10:18:53 pm »

I'm a mom of 2 teens. Di masyadong mahirap on my part kasi I try to learn everything na me interest sila. With this, nakakarelate ako sa mga likes nila and minsan pati sa conversation. Likewise, nararamdaman ko din on their part, madalas sila magtanong sa mga likes ko, mga interests ko, etc. Dapat give and take lang. Mas madali both sa parent at sa mga teens na magkaintindihan.  :)
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mumzeth

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #9 on: August 12, 2011, 10:30:38 pm »

laki ako sa lola ko so sa lola ko ako pasaway.(bad wag gayahin..) gusto ko may sarili akong mundo, mas enjoy ako sa mga barkada to the point na minsan madaling araw umuuwi minsan kinaumagahan na, kasi sa bahay namin hindi nila masakyan yung mga interes ko kasi nga matatanda na kasama ko.. kapag ka sinisita ako ng lola ko nagagalit ako kasi pakiramdam ko hindi nila ako naiintindihan na ang gusto ko lang e maentertain.

mahigpit sya sakin nung 1st year high school ako pero unti-unti hinahayaan na niya hanggang sa nung binigyan niya ako ng freedom ako naman yung lumalapit sa kanya para makipagbonding.. :D tapos unti-unti yung mga interes ko naikkwento ko sa kanya.. ang the best dito simula nung 1st year hanggang ngayon di niya ko sinusukuan na kausapin at payuhan sa lahat ng ginagawa ko minsan nakakairita pero pinakikinggan ko kasi para sakin yun..


---- eto ako nung 16 years old ako.. :) naishare ko lang..


sobrang pasok sa banga yung sinabi ni @firecross13, maganda rin na barkadahin yung mga 16y/o pero iparamdam parin na ikaw ay magulang kahit barkada ang turingan nyo.. :) kaibiganin din yung mga kaibigan niya para sa bahay niyo nalnag magbonding yung mga friends niya..
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ninang

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2012, 02:29:14 pm »

Well been there strict kasi parents ko kasin during my childhood as in tumatakas pa ako pag nag mall ako with my friends. Most teens feel that way pag strict yung parents. if were were you payagan mo siya umalkis at time but not always.
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jem.sexy@yahoo.com

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2012, 05:07:31 pm »

ganun din ako dati sis.
na realize ko lang na sana there's more trust sa relationship namin noon at open communication din kasi sana pamilya ang unang takbuhan ng anak natin pag may problema.
pray ka rin sis.
and listen more to her yung mga sinasabi at yung mga non verbal actions niya will also give you clues on her private world as a teenager nowadays.
such a challenge to raise kids pero feeling ko we all become better persons afterwards.  good luck ha.
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nikka04

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2013, 12:29:29 pm »

Raising teens with raging hormones is as equally challenging as raising a kid in the formative years in a way.
Teens who keep secrets from their parents are usually the teens who are not ATTACHED to their parents; have some trust issue problems; are smart kids (curious not WISE).

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Very helpful!
« Last Edit: February 12, 2013, 11:11:08 pm by toughmom »
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dianne_gwa@yahoo.com

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Re: i need an advice on how to bring up my 16yo daughter
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2013, 12:31:25 pm »

i have to admit na d talaga kami totally close ng daughter ko on that time kasi i'm a single mother and nag wowork pa...pero i want to make it sure na na guguide ko siya, on that time nakapg resign na ako sa work ko at natutukan ko sila pareho kaso she don't like it...over protective daw ako and masyadong strict so ginawa niya ng bf niya ayun..
Now the baby is 16 months old, hiwalay na sila ng bf niya ( kasi d ako pumayag na mag pakasal sila and besides they are both 17 yrs old  on that time)..my daughter is 19 yrs old now , had a job pero immature pa rin..Sabi nga niya sa akin the other night, parang feeling niya ngayon lang siya nag dadalaga, which is true naman.
I just told her, enjoy her life as a single mother, wala munang relationship, accept suitors but inform them me anak na siya..
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