Raising teens with raging hormones is as equally challenging as raising a kid in the formative years in a way.
Teens who keep secrets from their parents are usually the teens who are not ATTACHED to their parents; have some trust issue problems; are smart kids (curious not WISE).
A heart to heart talk will do good. Making the house rules clear.. consequences are crucial. What is this? A prison? NO. Rebellious teens are smart therefore you can get through with them through LOGIC reasoning.
"EH HINDI NGA SUMUSUNOD EH...."
ASk yourself the questions "WHY?"
There are so many questions you can ask yourself but to put it simply, it's just that your daughter DONT TRUST what you say.
It's not easy to gain trust of your teen. Hindi isang upuang usapan lang yan. Hindi isang gabi. It's a day by day process. TALK TO THEM. Oh? You do? Ok, maybe you're doing it wrong.
Talking to teens might be a TALENT because it demands an ARTISTIC way of talking. I’m not telling you to be a drama queen. Just make sure you do the following.
1. always acknowledge your child's feelings
Ex. Teen: I\m broken hearted!
Mom: It's ok. You can find better guys. WRONG!!!!
MOM: It hurts doesnt it? Sige anak i-iyak mo lang. I'm right here. BETTER.!!!
2. Invite cooperation (It works both ways between YOU and your daughter. Hindi lang ikaw)
a. Instead of sarcasm and giving orders like they’re robots, describe the problem. Ano ba problema? Discuss it with your teen in a mild way.
b. Instead of accusations and blame like
“Sinabi ko naman kasi sayo !!! blabla!”
Give information and ask for her opinion
“Anong nangyari? (let the teen explain) Anak, kasi tingin ko mas mabuti kung ganito….. ganyan…. Kasi…. Blabla.. Ikaw, ano sa tingin mo?”
c. GIVE THEM CHOICES (good choices. Don’t include sarcastic choices)
“Ay nako, Hindi ka kasi nakikinig! Nagmamarunong ka! Akala mo naman kaya mo na!
“Mukhang mahirap ang sitwasyon anak ha. Gusto mo ba pag-usapan natin?
d. NO LECTURE please! Give them a sense of PRIDE and SHAME. (depende kung super kapal ng anak mo)
RICa! Iyong jacket mo! TAlaga naming bata ka!
Ricah, jacket mo.
Ang gulo gulo ng kawrto mo! PArang basurahan! Ayusin mo nga yan!
(sumilip sa kwarto. Tignan mo lang sya. Tignan mo ang kwarto. Umiling.. sabay abot ng marumihan, basurahan at walis) (shhhh don’t talk)
e. Describe what you feel.
Sometimes teens act the way they do simply because they don’t worry about themselves.
Then, why don’t you EXPRESS YOUR feelings as a parent. Somehow, teens care about how their parents feel.
d. WRITE
It’s tiring to talk for parents. And it’s tiring to listen for teens. Ahaha. So, why don’t you put it in writing sometimes? Yes, letters. Or just simple notes na may lambing
Ex. Lunch box “Anak, pinagluto kita. I hope you like it.”
Clothes “ Anak, dib a masyadong maikli ito?”
Shoes “Tara, bili kita bagong shoes.
”
e. Alternatives to punishment. Ay sus.. di naman puweding paluin ang teen. XD
a. offer a choice
b. state your expectations (reasonable)
c. present the consequence
d. express strong disapproval through TALKING not shouting (in some cases)
e. Give chance to make amends
f. BRAINSTORM every consequence, rules, expectations and solutions to problems with your TEEN.
Make them feel that their opinion is VALUED. Some teens might be too immature to give ‘reasonable’ response. Just discuss with them the pros and cons if their idea but do not immediately reject their ideas.
g. Give a worthy praise for a job well done.. and for every decision well made.
Don’t give criticism that wound because it may last for a long time.
Hirap noh?
But building and rebuilding trust between the parent and the teen NEEDS PROCESS.
Observe tact, respect and honesty without compromising your authority as the parent.
DONE!
I hope that was helpful!
-teacher3na
