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Author Topic: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...  (Read 31087 times)

ameerstouch

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I still can't forget the pain. Every day it linger in me. I feel so much anger... I blame myself for being such a slob of a mother. And then this hospital had to go treat his corpse like some trash and me as if I was ignorant. If only I had the means I would make that hospital close down. I know it won't bring my baby back but I would have won justice. I miss my baby. I never saw his face when he was alive. Only when he was dead. If everyone only knew the whole story. If there was someone brave enough to listen and care ....

Read it on Smart Parenting.
This Couple Is Turning Their Grief Into Gratitude After the Death of Their Baby

Click this link:
https://www.smartparenting.com.ph/parenting/baby/grief-gratitude-house-of-nathan-preemie-a00264-20181118-lfrm?ref=parentchat

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« Last Edit: November 26, 2018, 01:44:34 am by Mommy Jazz »
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liams mom

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2010, 01:35:48 am »

sis... sorry for your loss :'(

would you like to share your story with us? I know it will  somehow give you relief that the SP community will be here to listen to you... and give you all the support you need even though we cannot be there for you physically...
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lga

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2010, 02:02:44 am »

sorry sis... you may share your story with US. we are here for you.
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mich_tatsdwayne

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2010, 02:23:39 am »

Sorry for your loss, sis. We're here for you.
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angelicabo

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2010, 09:48:50 am »

yeah sis. we will listen to your story,, we are here for you.
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Katie

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2010, 10:12:55 am »

hugs sis...
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ameerstouch

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2010, 11:39:09 am »

I stopped working when I was 2 months pregnant because there was risk of miscarriage. So I stayed at home to look after my other two kids. Then when I was in my 5th month I was sickly, always tired with having to to do household chores, managing the kids ( their father and I are separated) and my current partner was working in Batangas back then. I began to leak. There was fluid coming out sometimes and i would spot at times whenever I was tired and had to lay down. So my partner left his job to help take care of my kids and the house. Basically our income was very minimal and expenses were tight. We began a small business hoping to make the money grow to use for my pregnancy. But it didn't work out well. I couldn't even get a decent amount of money for a good doctor. So I had to go to this cheap rated doctor who misdiagnosed my case. She said that although I was c-section from my other two pregnancies, I could give a normal birth with  my third. And she said that the fluid was just pressure on my bladder so it was just urine. And that the ultrasound indicated a good positioning of the baby. Deep inside I knew it was wrong. because I could feel it as a mother and I had been pregnant before, the texture was different too. Yet I chose to believe that doctor since I couldn't get a second opinion. I couldn't even leave the house, commute or spare cab fare.  Then for 3 days the fluid was  more consistent and I would spot. Then on the 3rd day, I thought it was time to get up from my bed and take a needed shower. I grabbed a chocolate biscuit to eat for some energy and headed off for a nice hot bath. I felt dizzy and my body was shaking during the bath and when I was wiping myself dry and dressing as I took a step forward....
I felt a strong warm wave gush out of me.... And as I looked down I saw blood. It was so much. My underwear, my skirt, my legs, the floor was covered in blood and what was more difficult was my other two kids aged 4 and 3 at that time, saw me.... they were scared, worried and when I looked at their faces I knew I was going to loose my baby. I began to cry and sob, while my eldest grabbed handfuls of tissue and threw them over the blood. There was no one with us, mom was out and so was my partner. I tried to call the clinic where I went for check ups and they told me to put some ice on my belly and go to the hospital not the clinic and referred me to another doctor there.
My mom came home in time and saw me on the floor holding my underside with the hope to blocking my baby from coming out and all the while crying out for my baby.... I felt no pain suddenly... nothing just shivers in my belly. It made it worse.  Then my partner came home a few minutes after mom arrived and packed up our stuff to get to get me to the hospital. I was covered in blood, my bedroom floor, the stairs ... I wanted to hurt myself in anger.

It was December 23, 2009. I arrived at the hospital with my partner and the nurses assumed my baby would be dead already and I could hear whispers about RASPA from them. The referred doctor called to give instructions for a ultra sound and it showed that there was no fluid left in my womb, the baby had to be delivered c-section.

As they were prepping me, the doc arrived and the first she discussed with me was money. How I was to pay for everything and then the cost of saving my baby. She gave no information about what the case would be for a 6 month premature baby to survive and the complications in health for him. As a mother, all I wanted was my baby to be saved and then worry about the money after.

I woke up in the labor room and with the effects of the anesthesia I was groggily asking every nurse who walked by me "where's my baby" .... I kept asking and asking, forcing my numb arms to grab each one who passed by. Till they gave me something in my IV.

I woke up again in the room with my partner and his mom. And the first thing I asked was for my baby .... He said that our son was alive, he saw him. He was tiny he said, very weak .... he said he asked the doctor to save our baby when he was asked during the operation. He was asked whether to save or not to save our baby. Of course we chose to keep our baby.


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ameerstouch

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2010, 12:12:38 pm »

I was in pain and weak and very depressed after the operation and recovering in my room. I couldn't think straight. I was beginning to worry about the money as well to save our baby. It was the holidays! Where could I get money? I requested to see my baby at the nurses station but I was declined because my baby was in an incubator and I was not allowed inside the nursery and that it was not viewing hours. When the doctors would drop by the discussion was about the costs and the survival rate of my son. When I asked if I could see my baby they said to request it at the nurses station.

This time I went during viewing hours.... and you know what, like a visitor only, I had to view my son from a window. I couldn't see his face. The incubator was so far away. I only saw his moving arms and legs. I had no idea how he looked like. I would cry when I looked through that glass. I was angry at myself, angry at the world.... angry with everyone.

I spent Christmas at the hospital with my partner. I wanted to see my baby that night but I couldn't because it was not visiting hours. I longed to touch him to hear him cry .... to see his face.

When I was given a discharge slip, I still couldn't leave. I had to pay the full amount on my bill about 50K plus. No promissory notes. The money we had was half of the bill and they wouldn't accept it. So I had to stay for another day. The days where just adding to my bill. My partner went to every relative who could spare extra from the holidays. And with about 41K in our hands my bill was exceeding to 60K. Still it was a no in their billing dept. I personally painfully walked their flight of stairs to speak with the director but they denied me. Saying I had to pay 10K up to date. I was furious, I told them to at least take the money and bill me! And they did... noting as a partial payment. My mom who was taking care of my kids who both happened to have chicken pox in the most difficult time, rang up the hospital and was still denied to speak to the director. She spoke with the employee who I had been speaking with and she said to pay 8K and I would be released.

So for another day added to my bill my partner scoured places and sold his cell phones and borrowed money to get that 8K.

On Dec 31 2010, I was released from the hospital. I signed a promissory note ( when they said they didn't allow it). I wanted to see my baby but as it was past viewing hours I couldn't get a glimpse of my baby.

The new year was a sad one. I wanted my baby.... For the days to come it was torture, finding ways to get money, approaching the city hall, working on SSS, and PCSO .... it was difficult because it was hard for me to commute with the stitches....

We would try to visit the hospital when I had spare change for fare, but only visiting hours.... the doctor was always out then. When the nurses would call for medicine and diapers, I would just say please add it to our bill since I knew we were going to get help from PCSO once all the requirements were fixed...

Once day the hospital called in the morning of January 14 2011, asking for us to bring milk. I said ok, we were going to go borrow from friends. Then after a few hours, we got another call asking us to go to the hospital as the doctor wanted to speak with us. No urgency ... nothing at all, just a casual the doctor wants to speak with you.  So I assumed she was going to scold me for not being at the hospital everyday. We left in the afternoon to borrow money and after endless No's and Sorry's for 500... it was 6pm when we got hold of 1K. We stopped at mercury to buy our baby a bottle and milk....

On the way I had a feeling. I was worrying I was scared. I knew something was suddenly wrong.

When we got there my husband knocked at the nursery door while I sat for a bit gasping for air. Then I heard the doc say "bakit ngayon ka lang?" "wala na siya" and stood up grabbing and pulling my partner from the door asking "what happened... what did they say?" and he said " wag ka mabibigla" , I saw his eyes and I knew ... but I wanted it to be a lie.

For the first time I entered that nursery .... I was trembling. The doc asked 'bakit ngayon ka lang? " And I explained that we had to look for money to buy him milk ... and when I looked to my right ... there he was.

His lifeless body on the table .... no oxygen ... no nothing just a lifeless body....

For the first time I saw his face. His nose, his mouth. For the first time I touched his fingers, his toes, his head, his cheek .... And I broke down .... I wanted to hold him in my arms but they said not to because my tears would drop on him.
For a faint minute, I asked myself, is this really my baby? my partner refused to see his son dead and wouldn't come inside. That moment all I could tell my son was that I was sorry. I was so so sorry.

He passed away at 7pm just a few minutes before we arrived.


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ameerstouch

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2010, 12:34:29 pm »

The doc left while I was crying over my baby. And when I asked the nurse what was next, she told me that I would need to bring in some baby clothes, baby blanket and pay the bill in full. I told my husband to get the baby clothes we had stored in his mom's place as it was nearer. When he got back and gave the clothes, they said that our baby would be cleaned, dressed and kept at the morgue till we paid the bill.

We got home and as I blurted to my mom that my baby as dead I began to cry. I didn't want to see my children I didn't want to take care of them. I wanted my baby. I wanted to be alone.  I lost my faith in God.... and I felt that he was punishing me.

The next day my partner began looking for money and my mom was calling relatives asking if we could bury my son beside my grand dad's and aunts grave. And we got nowhere. I was shaken and was always staring at a wall. Caring less for my kids and myself. Till my partner managed to get me out of the house before I went crazy. I knew I was going to be. But I felt so helpless.

For days we sent letters, asking for financial help, asking help for burying my son. And yet money was still not enough and there was no land. An dthe hospital was calling me endlessly about the money.

Then on the 17th of January at exactly 5 pm I received a call from a woman working at the morgue who said to me "Anong klase ka bang ina? Hinayaan mo na ank mo mabulok dito" and I was like 'Excuse me? what are you talking about." And she said that his corpse was decaying and already beginning to smell. I was shocked! Their morgue had NO FREEZER! My son was left to rot in that hospital!
I began yelling and crying till my mom took the phone from me and spoke with that woman. I was shocked that I was crying and talking to myself at the same time. I was going to go nuts!

After my mom threatened to sue the hospital for not releasing my son's corpse because of the money, they allowed me to take him.
I had to choice but to arrange my son to be cremated. The money I had would suffice for the cremation. I arranged a well known funeral home to take care of him. This was the least I could do for my baby. A good cremation by a good funeral home.

Once we got to the hospital, the funeral home attendee and I went to the so called morgue. It was only a storage room by the parking area with no door, with trash all over the place, it smelled and there were big blue drums that stank. My baby's corpse was in a box on a table in that room. I was horrified and so was the attendee.

I signed a promissory note so that they would release him.

On January 19, my baby was cremated and I took his remains home. He is now home with me. And I know he is with me always .....

 
 

 
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ameerstouch

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2010, 12:48:15 pm »

I filed a complaint with the hospital and I even had their so called director call me to say that on his investigations, the doctors stated that I was not interested with my baby at that time. He even mocked me for crying on the phone.
I felt like he was degrading me because he kept implying that it was the PAO who wrote my letter. We told him that I wrote that letter and had seeked legal advice. Then he said he would arrange a meeting at the hospital, I told him that I would bring my attorney along and he said he said he would call back.

No calls had been received.

I filed a complaint with DOH twice already and still nothing. Perhaps the hospital has gotten to them ... but I will not pay a cent! After detaining me at their hospital and for their morgue like that, they deserve nothing! I owe them nothing. I don't need anything from them. But I will not pay anything! Send me to jail if they must.. and I will go. But I owe them nothing!
They called my last month asking me to pay the bill and I said no.

DOH still yet to serve justice. I want to file a legal case in court but my mom and partner are afraid for me. They know that I am not ready. I may say I am but I know deep inside that I may break down. Writing this already made me cry and be depressed with remembering it all.... what more should I take it to court. It would be torture for me.

Yet I still want to get back at that hospital. I really don't know what to do. I've sent emails to newspapers but they aren't interested either....

I want people to know. I want to find justice. I have blamed myself already. I have hated myself enough. It wasn't all my fault.

Mga Sis, thank you for being very nice ..... no one at home talk about it. They don't want to. I need to.   
 
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anne_kiel

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #10 on: October 09, 2010, 01:41:35 pm »

oh my God sis, i dont know where to start! .as a mother i felt your pain. hindi ko napansin umiyak na pala ako..ang sakit sa dibdib nung binasa ko story mo, sa mga sakit na dinadaanan mo..im sorry for your precious baby,yes your right its not your fault..stop blaming yourself already ok? magpakatatag ka para sa iyong dalawang anak,at sa bagong laban na hinaharap mo ngayon. were here with you sis in this fight.! >:(
anong hospital ba yan sis at ng ma ban na yan? try din natin lapit sa media, gma/abs para mabilis ang action. nangigil ako sa story mo re how inhuman magdala ng pasyente yang hospital na yan!
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MotherG

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #11 on: October 09, 2010, 02:34:24 pm »

Oh my goodness!  >:(  We can relate to your story!  Ang hirap basahin noong una yung story mo kasi title palang sis masakit na but noong itinuloy ko pa...lalo ako  nangigil dun sa hospital kng saan ako nanganak.  As first time parents, sympre kami ni hubby di namin alam procedure.  Sabi nga ng husband ko sa mga nurses na ubod ng sungit at walang pakialam, parang ginagawa lang nila ang hospitals sa Pilipinas na training ground tapos pagdating sa ibang bansa super to the max silang bait.  Nurses are suppose to care diba?!  Hay sis, I hope nabawasan ng konti ang dinadala mo.  Don't blame yourself tama si sis anne_kiel na stop blaming yourself.  I will include you in my prayers sis ameerstouch!  The Lord will never leave nor forsake you!  May God's favor be with you always. :D
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lizstateresa

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #12 on: October 09, 2010, 03:17:53 pm »

i'm so sorry for your loss.. sana you find justice at sana stop blaming yourself na sis..
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sweet&spice

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #13 on: October 09, 2010, 04:20:45 pm »

Hi mommy. I'm still crying, grabe. I could just imagine the stress to look for money and care for baby. When I gave birth also, there was a mother in the ward who seems to be well but had her own bed. We learned later on that the hospital was keeping her babies hostage kasi she couldn't pay pa. The twins were in incubator, as I think they were born premature. My mom said that the mom applied to be a janitress at the hospital just to help pay off the bill. We were in the hospital for about 24 hours only and I saw her for about 1 hour. As I didn't know how much my bill was, I couldn't volunteer to give her money. I was a single mom and I had to fund all expenses for me and my baby. Perhaps if I were able to talk to her more, I could've given her help, kahit konti lang. Sana ok naman na sila. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you had to feel the injustice brought about by the lack of money. They were so heartless to treat you like that, from the time you were admitted to the time of your child's death. Public hospitals at least have hearts kahit papano. They couldn't detain you like that. I don't know what to say. Our pain is nothing compared to yours. I'd probably go crazy if my child ever dies. I don't know how we can comfort you sis, but know that we're here to listen. I'll include you in our prayers tomorrow. God bless sis.   
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.Pretty.In.Purple.

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Re: My baby died when he was only 22 days old. I only saw him ..dead...
« Reply #14 on: October 09, 2010, 05:20:32 pm »

this made my afternoon very sad... I may not know where you're coming from since I wasn't in your shoes but I felt horrible by just reading your story... nadurog puso ko Mommy and naiyak ako ng sobra... prayers from my part Sweetie... you'll find justice, I KNOW... never lose you faith to Papa Jesus... He always finds a way for us... pa-hug nga -- HMMMMM... warm and tight...  SP moms are always here to listen... :'(
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