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Author Topic: my son is starting to ask  (Read 41106 times)

♫jam.with.me♪

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Re: Ways to ask information about SD --- baby.
« Reply #75 on: January 26, 2012, 02:04:11 pm »

^ aww.. mommy, how old is he? My son's one, pero I'm fishing answers din from co-mommies na the same ang situation with me. Mahirap pero dapat pala nag-iisip na din ako ng isasagot. Kids nowadays are very curious expecially sa lineage nila.

pero magaling yung segway na yun "me:     yes. *waiting for an answer* .... coz mommy loves you very much, that's why we share!  ;)"



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mom_of_twins

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Re: Ways to ask information about SD --- baby.
« Reply #76 on: January 26, 2012, 07:38:19 pm »

i wanna share too, this happened recently lang. We checked in a hotel, with my kids and their dad, just to let my kids experience what a family is like.  I dunno if this idea is right.  my 4 yr old daughter asked, "mommy, why doesn't daddy live in our house? "diba mommy, daddies stay with the babies and the mommy?" wala akong naisip na answer, sabi ko na lang, "ganun talaga, merong daddies, na hindi kasama ng mga babies and mommy sa house." sigh, i felt depressed all over tuloy after that question
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sweet&spice

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Re: Ways to ask information about SD --- baby.
« Reply #77 on: February 01, 2012, 12:45:02 pm »

@jam with me: oo sis. buti na nga lang, baby said "we share a dad?"...buti he used the word "share", kung hindi...hahaha! ewan ko din.  8)  we really have to be prepared for things like this. in time, i know, i'll have the muster to really tell him. ayoko lang kasi yung mga follow up questions eh...where is he? why is he not with us?  :'(

@mom of twins: what i know, dun sa counselling naman before, based on the questions interposed with sd, the counsellor said --- how does your parents express love to each other?... sabi ni sd, "they don't." and, i was so surprised that i asked him, di ba your parents go out with you every weekend? what do they do? sd said, "we were just together, but they don't talk. they're not affectionate nor civil. they just don't talk." then, my counsellor said, "he couldn't give love, because he doesn't know how to give love. there is no mirroring from his parents. he doesn't know what husbands should do to their wives, nor what the father should be, to their kids.."

kaya, mommy, it's ok. make it civil, with mutual respect. yung friendship, will arrive when both of you are happy na. in the meantime, ok na muna yan. make dates, but be clear and firm to your kids, na both of you love them, but are not together.  ;)
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danel_em

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Re: Ways to ask information about SD --- baby.
« Reply #78 on: February 02, 2012, 11:08:12 pm »

nice idea sweet&spice.. im planning to use your reply after 4 yrs. :(
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toughmom moderator

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4. Be honest.
Sugarcoating the family situation only leads to anxiety and distrust. Kids need to know what is happening. They will eventually adjust to changes and are capable of understanding their unique situation if parents explain the issues in words they understand. Donít risk losing your childís trust by masking the truth. Honesty and trust make for a solid foundation between parents and children.
Survival Guide for Pinoy Single Parents: 8 Tips


http://www.smartparenting.com.ph/mom-dad/relationships/survival-guide-for-pinoy-single-parents-8-tips
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mariann

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I'm not a single mom, but one time, hubby and I were on the verge of breaking up our marriage.

I told my older kid (8 years old) upfront that things are not working out between me and her dad, and that I may be leaving so that there will be peace at home.  She cried, but I make her understand that if ever that would happen, we still love her and that I would still see her.  With my 4 years old, it was just like I would have a work somewhere else.  She couldn't understand a thing, but all she knows is that we are always fighting.

Good thing, everything turned out well.

I believe, explanations should be age-appropriate and that we should not allow our child to disrespect our partner.  In the first place, your child was made with consent on both your parts.  It's just that things didn't work out between you.
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kiko18

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unfortunately my kids know the reason. every single detail. wish i could spare them the truth cause i know it has an effect on them even though they're not telling me.  :(

so as much as possible i try to make it up by being there all the time so not to feel the absence of one of their parent & actually talking to them like responsible adults (btw, they're 9 & 10 yo) that these are the way things are and if they have any concerns just come forward and we'll talk it through.

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Blake

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I plan to be perfectly honest with my kid someday.
Lalo na pag FINAL na talagang maging single parent ako these days.

"your daddy is just a child pa lang kasi anak. Too immature for our own good. Di niya pa kaya ang big responsibility. So he needs to learn his lesson. He needs to study hard para mataas ang grade para hindi na pumalpak next time."

 ;D
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Anne Mercado

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I don't know your story but always felt that the truth is best. Your kid will always find out eventually so best that it comes from you.

Of course, when explaining, it's best that you don't sound like you are criticizing the dad din :) If you wan't you can read up more here as it might help: How To Manage Raising A Child Single Handedly (That Worked On Me) http://goo.gl/OUANv
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mommyshinia

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Kids now a days are wise, so no need to hide the real situation. In my case kasi I told my son about the real situation between me and his dad. To my surprise alam niya ngyari sa amin ng nsaktan ako ng dad niya, though he was only 1 1/2 old that time. And for sure he will know more about his dad's real identity. So sis, nothing to worry about dadating yung time na di mo na need mag-explain kay baby mo, siya na mismo makakaalam ^^ ;D
[/pre]

BTW. ano po yung SD? just newbie here hihi
« Last Edit: July 19, 2012, 12:44:22 pm by mommyshinia »
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toughmom moderator

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Re: my son is starting to ask
« Reply #85 on: September 07, 2013, 03:27:37 am »

"Why doesn't Papa live with us?"
"Papa has his own place and chooses to stay there....how do you feel about it?"
"I'm okay"
And that was that, no drama. Single parents should live without guilt
-Jolinne, Life Coach on Smart Parenting magazine September 2013 issue
How do you mend a broken child?"
« Last Edit: September 07, 2013, 03:39:04 am by toughmom »
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iamananey

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my son is longing for his father
« Reply #86 on: October 20, 2013, 09:59:49 am »

my husband and i  separated  3  years  ago. kahit alam ng  tatay  niya  san   kami i nakatira and he  knows  my  #  hindi  pumupunta, walang  support  at  hindi  nagtry to communicate with me bout our son. i thought okay na  lang  sakin  aman anak  ko  but  worst  hinahanap nyang tatay niya.  tatay  niya  ang  the   best  at  ako  ang  bad.  i   sometimes   spank him kasi  tigas  ng  ulo. . parang dinudurog ang puso ko. tatay nyang  puro salita lang  na  mahal  sya   ang   mahal niya ako hindi  niya  daw  love.  panu ko masabi sa kanya  ang totoo  bout tatay niya without sugarcoating. help...
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beautylite

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Re: my son is starting to ask
« Reply #87 on: October 24, 2013, 10:00:42 pm »

When my ex and i separated ang sabi ko sa son ko daddy is going to work abroad kaya hindi na namin siya makakasama. My son was only 5yrs. Old then. Dahil may topak ang dad niya and my son is not close to him naging ok naman sa anak ko na aalis na yung papa niya.

After two years natuloy din papa niya mag abroad. So nagkatotoo naman yung sinabi ko. But i know someday i will have to tell him the truth kung bakit hindi kame magkasama ng papa niya. Siguro when that time comes he is old enough to understand.

☆♥♡unica hija☆♥♡

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Re: my son is starting to ask
« Reply #88 on: December 16, 2013, 10:50:29 am »

In my son's school madami din bata like him na walang daddy. Good things when they talk about "family" to the kids, the also explain that "family" is not always dad-mom-kids, it could me dad-kids, mom-kids, lola-lolo-kids, at kung ano ano pa. Those who loves and cares for you and are there for you they are family. kaya sa mga kids sa school nila do big deal kung may kulang sa family.
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