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Author Topic: Hindi madaling maging Isang ina:"Normal" ba ang maki-alam sa pagalaga kay baby?  (Read 13452 times)

moonriver

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Anyone experienced this?

Di ba dapat once you're married, naka-bukod na sa parents. Pati decision-making bukod na at di na dapat paki-alaman? Or could i be wrong?

Kasi may mga parents na feeling nila "pag-aari" pa rin nila mga anak nila kahit may asawa at anak na, they still "control" how they gonna take care of the baby and raise the child. I could feel this kasi i'll be having a baby soon, and yung mom ko, parang up to now, she still doesnt respect my decisions. Kapag may ayaw ako at hindi sha agree or gusto, vino-voice out niya sa akin na "Ayaw ko nang ganyan". Hindi man lang i-respect ang feelings ko, of course i am ENTITLED to my own feelings and how i deal with my issues/things. if im not comfortable, mamimilit or mag-e-express ng galit/inis. Akala bata pa rin ako. Bakit hindi na lang tanggapin yung decision or opinion ko as it is tutal naman e adult na ako at naka-bukod na rin sa tirahan. Feeling din na yung bahay namin is bahay rin niya. Kahit sino, dapat i-welcome ko, kahit hindi ako comfortable dun sa tao.
E diba bahay ko yun? Ako ang host. Guest lang ang parents. Tama ba? Kung hindi pa ako ready na i-invite yung tao/family member sa house namin (due to personal reasons), dapat ba niya ipag-pilitan porket ka-close niya?

Pati sa baby, ang daming advice pano ko ihandle si baby. Although i appreciate that kasi based on experience na sha as a mom (first time mom ako), pero i have my own parenting style that's different from hers. Hindi ba ako ENTITLED to practice my own style?

Read it on Smart Parenting.
Hindi Pala Madaling Maging Isang Ina: 'Ano Mang Piliin Mo Ay May Masasabi Sila'

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« Last Edit: July 05, 2019, 11:38:30 am by Parentchat Admin »
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moonriver

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Your insights will be very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.
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Kimps08

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I can definitely relate to that.  Dont get me wrong. I love my parents pero they really need to see me as an adult.  I tried talking pero my mom took it like as if I'm nitpicking at me tampuhan pang naganap.  In a way masaya ako na nakabukod kami. Sis I'm an only child so i think you can just imagine how its like.  'Pag nasa bahay sila, they treat my kids as if they're their own.  I love that they love them pero my mom wants to raise them the same way she raised me.  At makaluma si nanay.  I dont want her to smother them.  I have the same dilemma as you kaya im interested din sa magiging response ng ibang mommies.  Hirap no?  Pero no matter what happens, I will raise my child the way we (my hubby and I) want to.
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yhamslove®

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To answer the question at hand: Yes, sis it's normal for parents to sometimes intervene with our decisions or with our ways in rearing our children... even if we're already married and have our own family.

Yes, it's ideal na ang bagong mag-asawa eh nakabukod sa family nila. But most of the time, due to financial constraints, new couples opt to stay for the meantime with their family lalo na't offer yun ng parents nila.

When it comes to decision-making, of course it is always your say which is the most important. Parents are just there to guide and give some advice. It is their way of showing how much they love us na kahit malalaki na, kahit may mga asawa na tayo eh andun pa rin yung concern nila sa atin.

It's normal na parang teacher ang mga Nanay natin after giving birth. Especially to those first-time moms. Kase wala naman tayong experience sa pag-aalaga ng baby eh. Yes, we might have read a lot, researched so much about this and that pero iba pa rin kapag actual na. Dahil iba-iba ang babies, so iba-iba rin ang ways ng pag-aalaga.

At this point, I can say na ang Nanay ang the best na paghingan ng advice kung ano yung mga basics sa pag-aalaga sa mga babies. They know better so let's just appreciate yung pag take part nila.

You are definitely entitled to your own way/style of rearing your baby. Ako, ganyan din ang Nanay ko, mahilig magsabi ng kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. Nakikinig lang ako sa kanya. Pero hindi naman lahat ng advice niya, sinusunod ko, I just apply what suits the situation, but the entire decision will be coming from me.

First apo ba ng Mama mo ang baby mo sis? I think excited lang siya sa iyo at sa Baby mo. Nakikita ko kung gaano niya kamahal ang anak mo sis.

I'm a mother too, balang araw, lalo na pag nagka-anak ako ng babae at magkaroon siya ng sarili niyang pamilya, gusto ko rin ituro sa kanya yung mga alam ko. I want to prepare her for motherhood.

I'm not saying na pakekelaman ko siya, pero I would be thankful kung makikinig siya sa akin. A mother will not give or advice anything that may harm the welfare of her child.

We have a thread related to this matter: help: i'm a teen mom and i can't deal with everyone's intervention
« Last Edit: May 18, 2011, 10:46:50 am by yhamslove® »
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yhamslove  

moonriver

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opo, first apo ang aking anak. so i understand how my parents are excited to see my child and at the same time, teach me what to do in terms of childcare. pero shempre gusto ko rin minsan yung ma-discover ko by myself (and decide) which method best suits my child according to the situation. yun yung inaalala ko na pag di ko sundin ang parents ko 100% e baka ma-offend at i-take personally na hindi ako nakikinig sa kanila.

napansin ko rin sa mga parents, lalo na sa mga moms na kung ano yung pag-aari ng anak, feeling nila pagaari na rin nila totally, yung meron silang 100% right or authority dun sa belongings mo, like yung bahay na sobrang feel at home, kahit meron kang sariling rules, system and different lifestyle na sinusunod sa sarili nyong bahay, gusto pa rin i-impose yung kanilang nakasanayan sa pamamahay nila (parents). at yun nga, invite pa nila mga tao freely, sa bahay mo. for me, it's not that i dont want to invite, pero gusto ko na ako mismo mag-invite kung kelan ko gusto or kung kelan ako convenient, at kung ayaw ko, wag na ipilit or wag sumama loob kasi bahay ko yun e. kaya nga ako bumukod para magawa ko gusto ko. tama po ba? ??
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yhamslove®

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invite saan sis? sa mga handaan or salo-salo ba?

siguro pwede ko i-suggest if ever your mother appear to be dominating yung ganito: "Mama/Mommy, thanks ha... ako na po bahala diyan. Kaya ko na po yan, tinuruan nyo ako di ba?"

Pero say it in a malambing way. At least, kahit papaano, it shows na you acknowledge her pa rin. Ikaw palang ba ang anak ng mother mo na may asawa na sis?
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yhamslove  

buuurp

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ganyan talaga ang mga mommies, sa akin naman immune na ko sa pakikielam. pinipili ko yung gusto ko sundin at sinasabi ko din yung gusto ko gawin lalo na if scientifically based na masmaganda for baby.

di pa ko nakabukod kaya masmay K makielam ang mother ko pero dahil minsan i tell her na this is what i want, minsan maiinis yun kasi kesyo di naman kami nag ganun, di daw need yun blah blah. i let her know na yeah i get you and ill consider your advice but sa huli ako pa din masusunod on whats best for baby.  :)

just say it on a nice and respectful way kasi mom naman natin sila.  ;D kapag super pakielam to the highest level minsan nagkakasagutan kami... pero eventually magsosorry din ako or siya. i think you just have to show them na capable ka din like them.
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Sometimes, its not that people change…you just find out who they really are.

Mommy France

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A parent will always be a parent. Kahit gaano katanda na yung anak nila.
Wala naman notice na natatanggap yung parents na "hey, your child is a grown up - stop acting like a parent".
They do things because they feel responsibility nila tayo no matter how old we are. We will always be their children.


I saw things differently when I was growing. I wanted to make my own decisions. Siyempre they also have their own way of doing things and you can't blame them for imparting what they think is right kasi for them, tried and tested na nila yun. Napagdaanan na nila.

What you can do is to change your attitude towards their actions.
Don't get me wrong, I know you love your parents pero you can't expect them to change because if you expect them to just let you on your own, ma-fru-frustrate ka lang. You'll also realize that kapag nakikita mo na yung baby mo making decisions on his/her own.

When they say something, make them know you;re in control. Let them know you're not doing things without any basis and without proper thought. Ganun talaga, pa-unti unti while you go build your family, mabui-build yung trust ng parents mo sa judgement mo.

You also have to realize married life and family life is not something you've gone through before. Excited lang din sila and at some point, kinakabahan din sila for you.

Communication. When you do something, let them know where you're coming from. I always tell my parents that my husband and I discuss any concern and decision kaya OK kami. Ngayon, di na maciado tumatawag yung mommy ko, anak ko na lang yung hinahanap kasi alam niya namamanage ko na yung bahay. Still, I come to her if I have questions and na-appreciate ko na yung care niya.

 
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Bad things may happen to me, but I will always come out of it with my head up high. Why? Because I know that I did the things I can control the right way. And the things I can't control, I leave it up to God's will.

♥♥♥mommyangel♥♥♥

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normal lang yun sa parents kasi siyempre andun yung worry nila lalo na pag first apo.. pero may mga limitations din dapat, lalo kapag alam mong tama ka and sila nag rerely lang sa traditional na mga nakagawian nila. like for me, kasi kasama ko mother ko sa bahay, sobrang thankful ako sa lahat ng insights na binibigay niya sakin. pero mag may mga bagay na hindi kami parehong ok with it, sinasabi ko in a nice way na, ako na bahala. pero malaking tulong talaga sakin mother ko, esp sa mga bagay na bago sakin.
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ysLim

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that's normal. pero you still have the final say. kasi ikaw ang na ngayon ang nanay. in my case, pinipili ko lang which advices ang susundin ko. most of the time hindin lang ako umiimik. i guess immuned na ako.  ::)
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jrvez_mom

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Hi mommy..for me it’s normal for our parents (specially moms) na makialam lalo na pagdating sa apo nila. But, as what other mommies say it’s still your decision ang masusunod.. our moms are just guiding us, syempre first time eh..sakin naman I’m lucky kase both my parents and in laws are not “pakialamero or pakialamera” .they just always at our side everytime we need them.after i got married kase bumukod na kami kaagad pero malapit lang din sa bahay ng parents ko..nung 1st time ko nga manganak si mama pa nagpapaligo sa baby kasi natatakot ako hehe..it’s ok na makialam sila as long as, hindi na umabot sa point na sila nalang masusunod.and also we have to show them that we can be a good parents to our kids just like them sa atin..prove lang natin na kaya natin palakihin kid/kids natin..pero syempre dapat open parin tayo sa mga suggestions nila..Have a nice day mga mommies  :) :) :)
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mommylovesarmil

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I think being a pakialmera is different from giving suggestions, so for me hindi siguro tama yung nakikialam sila mas ok siguro if they will just give advises and suggestions lang since ikaw naman ang parents you still have the final decision.
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chester

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mother will always be a mother. eventhough may sarili na tayong pamilya, they will still care at always "pakialaman" mga bagay bagay at decision natin. jejeje... im a first time mom at nararanasan me din. minsan naiinis pero i just understand my mom kasi alam kong para sa akin din naman un.
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bbchiara

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swerte nga nyo.. nkabukod kayo, we are living with my mom in law na mistress. mag isang anak lang ang asawa ko, kaya dko alam pano kami aalis.. grabe sa pakikialam.. pati isusuot ng anak ko, siya gusto masunod... tpos napapgalitan pako pag nagkakasakit ang anak ko... kinausap ko na c hubby tungkol dto. ang sabi eh palampasin ko na lang... kahit kasi natutulog c baby ginigising niya! kahit 5am in the morning. basta basta na lang siya pumapasok sa kwarto namin ng di man lang kumakatok... kahit naman kanya tong bahay, di naman tama yun di ba.. oo nga at lola sila pero dapat alam din nila limitasyon nila
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ahyzeyuh

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ako sis i dont mind if nangingi-alam mom ko on how i deal with my baby.. minsan kasi they have better ideas than us.. if hindi naman kami magkasundo- then siya palage nasusunod, unless ako ang gagastos (like parties, dress, milk and diaper making decisions =)

at san ba tayo tumatakbo if we are in trouble? (tampuhan, or away, or kulang sa budget-- di ba parents pa rin??

siguro if you think that your not gonna need your parents EVER again then yeah, i guess okay lang if you  never listen to them again
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