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[prettyjlo]

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Maga gawaing maituturing Emotional Abuse

photo by ISTOCK
Maconsider bang verbal abuser mr ko kasi kapag nagagalit sya sinasabihan niya ko bobo t**** ga** at mababaw?
Lagi niya rin ako sinasabihan na lumayas na ko. Stay in housewife ako at seaman sya.
Magkaiba kami ng spiritual beliefs, at sinasabihan nyang hindi totoo sa akin at demonyo ako. Verbal abusing din ba yun?
9 years na kami married this end of May with 3 children ages 8,6 and 3. sabi ko sa sarili ko after 10 years pag ganito pa rin sya baka hiwalayan ko na.
Very good provider at responsible naman sya. Okay din naman trato niya sa mga anak namin. Hindi rin sya babaero ever since dahil takot sya sakit at may pagkaconservative talaga sya.
The only problem is impatient sya lalo na sa kin at lagi sya nagsasalita ng harsh words towards me.
Ako ba may problem? nagbabasa ako ng mga article about verbal abuser at nababasa ko minsan iniisip ng victim its her fault. Sa kin lang naman kasi sya ganun at pag nakita nio pa itsura ng mr ko, parang di niya kaya gawin yun mga ginagawa at sinasabi sa kin. Maamo talaga ang face niya.
Naka-relate ka ba? Mag Reply para makapagpost ng katanungan o payo.

[Mommy Jazz]

Sa mga nababasa ko po, they treat their wife, even their children that way kasi ganun din ang kinalakihan nilang family or environment. Try to understand nalang kung bakit siya ganon. It's uplifting to know that you have kept your faith kahit he's pulling you down.
Suggestion ko lang, since seaman siya, why not write him a letter yung mababsa niya pag malayo na siya. Ibuhos mo lahat dun ang mga pinapagpasalamat mo na traits niya and how you always pray for him. Tapos yung mga epekto sayo ng mga pananalitang hindi niya ma control. End it with something nice like the beautiful future na pinapangarap mong intact kayo.
For now keep on praying for him na dumating ang panahon that he opens himself to what you need to say. Remember, a calm voice can calm down harsh words din. Hindi ako well versed pero maraming ganiyang lines sa bible, lalo na sa proverbs and letters of Paul. Huwag mo lang tapatan o ibaba ang sarili mo sa klase ng pananalita niya. Then pag paalis na siya, slip the letter in his bag and cross your fingers.
About the kids, malaki ang magiging epekto sa kanila seeing how your husband verbally abuse you. Baka lumaki silang maniwala na OK lang sigaw-sigawan ang asawa o nanay. If you have good relations with your kids and you have earned their respect, rest assured hindi rin naman sila maniniwala sa mga paratang ng tatay nila, but then hindi din healthy yun. You can explain to them what their Dad is going through and help you pray for him.
________________
Mod's note:
This Mom Overcame Trauma and Addiction to Live Her Best Life

Read it on Smart Parenting. Click this link:
https://www.smartparenting.com.ph/life/inspiration/Barni-Alejandro-recovery-lfrm2-sa00213-20180106-src-fn-lfrm2

[ecbajet]

My aunt - whose husband is a seaman as well - experiences the same thing. And to think that they have been married for about 27 years already. Whenever they fight, be it in person or in Skype, FB - he calls her names. T*nga, B*bo, Dem*nyo, almost every bad thing that you can think of. And yes, I did saw the effect it had with their kids. Yung bunso nila, which is about 23 years, grow up bearing a grunge to their dad. Kahit pa sabihing mahal niya yung tatay niya, she couldn't understand pa rin kung panong nakakayanan ng dad niya na magsalita ng ganun. Yung older sister naman niya, I think she grew up thinking na ok lang na pagsalitaan niya ng ganun yung nanay niya. She - like her dad - would fight with her own mom and even call her names din. Although I agree that you have to understand din where you're husband is coming from, I think as early as now, dapat pag-usapan niyo na yan ng masinsinin. Tingin ko kasi, yung distance plays a great part. Maybe he uses bad words to demonstrate kung gano siya kagalit or frustrated. Talk to him sis, gaya ng suggestion ni Mommyjazz, maybe you can write him a letter.

[Mommy Jazz]

Alam po ninyo, kung madali lang para sa ating mga Pilipino i-suggest na magpatingin sa Psychiatrist, ito po ang una kong isa-suggest. Kaya lang, pag ang involved ay ang Hubby , kamot ulo nalang tayo.
I have a friend na abused din siya in a sense that her Husband thinks she's cheating on him. She described to me what she has gone through and what her husband does to prove that she's cheating. Yun pala may case of "delusion" yung husband niya called "Othello Syndrome" or Morbid Jealousy.
Tayong mga Misis prayers ang panlaban natin pero even Stormie Omartian, the Author of Power of a Praying Wife said na kapag abused ka na, go get help.


A friend mentioned about this group for abused women and I found their website. They have counselors na pwede mong makausap sa phone for advise.
Women's Crisis Center
http://www.wcc-manila.com/

[prettyjlo]

Nagpunta na nga ako sa womens desk dito sa municipal namin para magtanong tanong lang. Sa pagkkwento ko ang suggest nung policewoman psychology test nga. E syempre di naman makikisama toh. Pero sabi ko sa kanya na everytime na sasampa na sya ng ship,may psychological test naman at nagreresult ng superior at above average. Pag nagkkwento nga mr.ko syempre parang nahihiyang proud. pero lately sinasadya niya daw ibahin ang sagot sa gusto niya talaga isagot kaya nagresult yun last test niya ng average na lang. So naisip ko lately lang baka nga may slight insanity sya at kelangan ko na lang ng isang mahaba habang pasensya.
Pero hindi naman ganun kadali intindihin lalo na nung sinigawan niya ko habang andito sa house yun violin teacher ng anak namin. Napatulala na nga lang yun prof. matandang lalaki at  buti na lang old friend na talaga yun kasi high school pa lang ako choir conductor ko na sya. Minsan sa gitna ng mall or along the street.
Naguusap naman kami before matulog at nagpopromise sya to be broken..... haaayy

[Mommy Jazz]

Curious din ko sa mga help desks na yan. I suggested that to my friend na once na saktan ulit siya I-report niya sa barangay. I even googled and called their barangay and the police station nearest her place na may women's help desk upon learning na hindi pala lahat ng barangay meron. I gave her the list. I wish I can be more of help pero hanggang dun lang talaga maitutulong ko.


Ang threat pa sa kaniya ng husband niya, pag nagreport at makukulong siya (si husband), matatanggalan siya ng licence at hindi na makaka pag practice ng profession niya, mawawalan sila ng income at lifestyle. Alam ko isa ito sa mga kinatatakutan ng mga misis kung bakit hindi sila makapag report but as I heard, the Helpdesk can manage situations like this.


I would never want to suggest to my friend na mag pa annul kahit ito na ang hinahanapan niya ng paraan. Hindi naman daw niya mareport kasi hindi na siya sinasaktan pero verbal and emotional halos araw-araw daw. Hindi na madaan sa maayos na usapan ang asawa niya, hindi na maayos kausap lalo na pag tungkol sa issues nila. Naisip ko, ang verbal and mental abuse pwede ring ireport but the question is, pano at ano ang considered na "abusive" na? Will the husband and wife be invited to the desk? Pano pag ayaw sumama nung husband? Kelangan ba ng witness?


Sa mga taong may anger management problem or any disorder, I think hindi sila aware sa condition nila and someone has to tell them and remind them to handle it. @prettyjlo, if he can at least have the will (more so to make a promise) na magbabago siya, that means aware siya sa condition niya. You just need to answer him with a calm voice everytime na may "attack" siya. Inform him na "ina-atake" nanaman siya (kasi hindi sila aware) at maliit lang ang problema at inaayos na, easy ka lang. If he still shouts, let him have the last word as a respect sa pagiging family head. At least nakita ng lahat how you calmly handled it. Discuss it again in private at the end of the day. Hopefully sa dami ng beses, he will realize siya ang wala sa lugar, siya ang may problema and he should get help. Offer help bilang partner niya, bilang taga-calma. I try to be understanding, siguro mahirap talaga para sa kanila ang i-control ang sarili. Maybe may health issues din like high blood?

[ohitselaine]

Hello, I would say na it's really a verbal abuse and it's not in anyway right. pero i'm not gonna be suggesting any annulment or hiwalayan. You've been together for a long time narin maybe the both of you can sit down and talk about it. hopefully maayos pa sa deep and sincere talk. I know how it feels to be called ng ganun terms.

[Mommy Jazz]

maybe the both of you can sit down and talk about it. hopefully maayos pa sa deep and sincere talk.

The problem is, not all spouses are open to talking. Like etong kumare ko nga, whenever she asks "pwede tayong magusap" or co-cornerin niya husband niya to talk, biglang aalis husband niya, may matching mura pa. Sabi ko nga, maybe her husband is not the confrontational type. Wala na ding immediate family husband niya she can talk to. Nadala na rin siya sa text o usap kasi whatever she says, her husband uses it against her.


I'm out of advice. I would like to suggest the help Desk pero I have no idea about it.

[julia_18]

@sis prettyjlo verbal abuse yan. i came from an abusive relationship, lahat ng mura natanggap ko/ i was afraid to leave kasi takot ako. di ko alam kung papanp bubuhayin ang 2 kids ko, 9 and 4 then kasi di ako nakatapos ng pag-aaral. pero dumating sa point na either he kills me or i kill him so i took my kids and left.

[J0]

Hmm.  Time to read more on RA 9262 - Particulary on Sec. 3C Psychological Violence, Sec. D Economic Abuse, Sec. dito. deprivation or threat of deprivation of financial resources.

Don't get mad...not even emotional.  Cool lang and use the law...with the grace of a Woman. 

ANTI-VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN AND THEIR CHILDREN ACT OF 2004
RA 9262 Implementing Rules and Regulations

http://www.pcw.gov.ph/publication/republic-act-9262-anti-violence-against-women-and-their-children-act-2004-and-implementing-rules-and-regulations

SEC. 3. Definition of Terms.
- As used in this Act, (a) "Violence against women and their children" refers to any act or a series of acts committed by any person against a woman who is his wife, former wife, or against a woman with whom the person has or had a sexual or dating relationship, or with whom he has a common child, or against her child whether legitimate or illegitimate, within or without the family abode, which result in or is likely to result in physical, sexual, psychological harm or suffering, or economic abuse including threats of such acts, battery, assault, coercion, harassment or arbitrary deprivation of liberty. It includes, but is not limited to, the following acts:
...

C. "Psychological violence" refers to acts or omissionscausing or likely to cause mental or emotional suffering of the victim such as but not limited to intimidation, harassment, stalking,damage to property, public ridicule or humiliation, repeated verbalabuse and marital infidelity.

...

D. "Economic abuse" refers to acts that make or attempt to make a woman financially dependent which includes, but is not limited to the following:

1. withdrawal of financial support or preventing the victim from engaging in any legitimate profession, occupation, business or activity, except in cases wherein the other spouse/partner objects on valid, serious and moral grounds as defined in Article 73 of the Family Code;

2. deprivation or threat of deprivation of financial resources and the right to the use and enjoyment of the conjugal, community or property owned in common;

...

SEC. 5. Acts of Violence Against Women and Their Children. - The crime of violence against women and their children is committed through any of the following acts:

(a) Causing physical harm to the woman or her child;

(b) Threatening to cause the woman or her child physical harm;

(c) Attempting to cause the woman or her child physical harm;

(d) Placing the woman or her child in fear of imminent physical harm:

SEC. 6. Penalties

. - The crime of violence against women and their children, under Section 5 hereof shall be punished according to the following rules

Acts falling under Section 5(b) shall be punished by imprisonment of two (2) degrees lower than the prescribed penalty for the consummated crime as specified in the preceding paragraph but shall in no case be lower than arresto mayor
.
(b) Acts falling under Section 5(c) and 5(d) shall be punished by arresto mayor;

[Mommy Jazz]

3 Moms Speak Up Why They Stayed Despite Domestic Violence

Click this link:
https://www.smartparenting.com.ph/life/love-relationships/domestic-violence-abuse-a1795-20181009-lfrm2?ref=parentchat