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Author Topic: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?  (Read 72668 times)

sweetest_thing

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #30 on: July 21, 2011, 02:10:51 pm »

2 years after finding out that my hubby had an affair with another woman, i'm also asking this question to myself up to now....they say that trust is like a mirror, you can't fix it if it's broken, so pano kaya? mahirap kasi pag trust ang nawala. in as much as i want to start all over again with him, there are still times (actually most of the time) na bumabalik-balik sa akin yung ginawa niya and ayun, babalik na naman uli yung galit, yung pain, it seems that moving on is so hard to do...i hope and pray i can, not only for my kids but for myself as well, sana that time will come na and sana soon....
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bebezeth

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #31 on: July 21, 2011, 02:59:38 pm »

Love Does Not Keep A Record Of Wrong

A loving person focuses on what’s good in the other person. And an unloving person focuses on what’s bad in the other person.
At the end of the day, I believe that only love can change you. How can love do that? Precisely because Love focuses on the good. (1 Corinthians 13 says “Love never keeps a record of wrong.”)
When you focus on the good in you, that good multiplies, grows, develops, and reproduces within you. When you focus on the bad in you, that bad multiplies, grows, develops, and reproduces within you too.
That’s why I believe only God’s Love can change you forever.

by: Bo Sanchez -  Link: http://bosanchez.ph/here%ito%80%99s-the-only-way-to-change-your-life/
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buuurp

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #32 on: July 21, 2011, 03:19:10 pm »

oh my. i'm going through the same thing. worse pa siguro. i feel so ugly, fat, and used.

i will however attest na forgiving the person will help us. because i have caught him so mannnnny times. yung dati napatawad ko. now, i dunno why. i'm having a hard time. he's having a hard time.

nagdadasal na nga ko araw araw, gabi gabi, tuwing my idle at free time ako. minsan nga kahit busy ako. na please naman po tulungan Nyo ako patawarin siya.

inhale exhale.
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Sometimes, its not that people change…you just find out who they really are.

babyblair

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #33 on: July 23, 2011, 10:10:36 am »

present!!! same situation BUT the anger or pain doesnt bother me as much as before.

mommies  *huuuug .. i know you don't feel ok. pero sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. si God lang makakatulong satin. hubby cheated on me 2x and almost lost me the 2nd time kaya pag tinatlo niya he knows masisintensyahan na siya..i had a hard time too, na every away namin isang barangay ng sumbat ang natatanggap niya pero kasi with the dark person that i've become.i'm screwing my baby's future.

if you see naman na he's changing. look at your baby .. and think . "aalisin ko lahat ng hatred at pain for you baby" .kasi di ba pag di kayo nag-work out dahil sa na-hurt ka siya naman ang maapektuhan. and as a mom, you will do whatever it takes to ensure you baby's life to be happy.
yes, it will never be the same again, the love and trust. and the person he once knew.
it takes two to tango, if he wants to start over then cooperate. remember your baby. your doing them a favor. wala naman mahirap at masakit basta para sa anak natin

on the contrary. set a limit. kung talaga naman bastusan na at paulit ulit..it's time to get out.. *coming from a wife who's been there.

to mommies who's having a hard time kasi they said they already forgave their husband pero parang di ganoon ang feeling.. let's remember that "Forgiveness is real, Forgetting is figurative

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platinumangel

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Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #34 on: July 25, 2011, 04:51:45 pm »

So ano bang dapat gawin para mawala ang pagdududa?  Ang hirap kasi eh. 
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cheena

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Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #35 on: July 26, 2011, 08:07:29 am »

oo nga pano ba mawawala ang pagdududa, ako kasi ngayon mawala lang sya ng mahabang oras iba na tlaga iniisip ko lalo na yung hindi sinasagot ang tawag ko for almost 4 hours na...
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yssaymendiola

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Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #36 on: July 26, 2011, 09:14:32 am »

sis cheena, mahirap talaga magtiwala uli. i can so relate to you hehe. i'm trying my best talaga to trust him again as in effort. pero lagi ko na lang iniisip, i have forgiven so i have to trust him again. parang mantra lang "i have forgiven him so i am trusting him again" everytime puro negative thoughts ako sa kanya.
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Mac.Rodriguez

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #37 on: July 29, 2011, 02:13:28 pm »

I realized that in my husband's heart and mind (and soul)... I'm not worth it at all for him as he continues to treat me as a doormat. Even if he provides me material things, it is not enough to make up for the infidelity he did and how he treats me as a person, wife and mother to our son.

A good friend of mine told me, the only way a man can realize your worth is by letting him go no matter how hard and painful it will be on your part. If he doesn't make any kind of effort, he has already decided to choose the other girl or to be extremely selfish to be happy for himself and not take in consideration the lives he has destroyed or broken and the responsibility of being the husband to his wife and a Godly father figure to his child/ren.

With this is mind, I am sure that God did not put me in this world without "worth" for myself and to be miserable for the rest of my life. There are other people who believe on your "worth as a person" ... a friend, a daughter, a sister, most of all a mother to an innocent child.

The husband asking forgiveness from you and God will never be enough to repair what was broken. Time will heal wounds but it will never ever be forgotten.  Infidelity/adultery done within the Vows of God's Marriage is simply not irrelevant to any wife or woman (for that matter) because it carries the main bond between a husband and a wife ... Trust! 

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ainge88

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #38 on: July 30, 2011, 12:03:32 am »

Hi mga sis, found this site with sayings and excerpts...

http://www.marriagemissions.com/quotes-on-surviving-infidelity/

ne of the first things an angry and grieving spouse wants is the guarantee that this will never happen again. Often Christian spouses think that if they can just get their infidel partner to walk the aisle to the aisle to the altar, confess his sin in front of the congregation, read his Bible daily, or be convicted by the Holy Spirit or disciplined by the church, all will be well. But nothing could be further from the truth. Any or all of those practices might be appropriate, but none of them will provide the guarantee that the wounded spouse is looking for.

The closest thing to a guarantee that the infidel won’t stray again is for him to feel fully the pain that he has caused the wounded spouse. Let me underline this point: promises to “behave” won’t endure; neither will artificial boundaries such as a curfew each night after work. The only lasting remedy is for the infidel to feel the agony he has caused his spouse. If he truly loves his mate (and he usually does down deep; that’s why they got married and why he came back), that will hurt him so much that he won’t want to inflict more on his loved one.

But getting the infidel to experience the hurt of the spouse won’t happen immediately—it could take many months. Remember it will take as long to recover from the affair as it did for the infidelity partner to get involved in it. So allow some time for him to feel her pain. (From the book, Torn Asunder, by Dave Carder)

Hugs for you mommies who have experienced or experiencing this...
« Last Edit: July 30, 2011, 12:08:35 am by ainge88 »
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ainge88

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Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #39 on: July 30, 2011, 12:07:12 am »

mga sis, baka makatulong po kahit papaano :)

How does one rebuild trust in a marriage after an affair? Very slowly, as the infidel proves himself or herself trustworthy repeatedly over time. We believe trust cannot be reestablished by only one person—it requires hard work by both husband and wife. That means the infidel will have to prove himself or herself over and over again. That means the spouse will have to be open to rebuilding the trust. However, trust does not require blinders. We don’t trust because we know what will or will not happen. We trust someone because we know choose to believe he or she will make the right choice.

What worked well for us was Gary’s willingness to be accountable for all things. Mona didn’t have to check on him; he initiated the contact and checked in. He avoided all situations that could have even a hint of deception, and thus Mona didn’t feel a need to monitor everything he did. The onus really seems to fall on the infidel here. This person sets the stage and the atmosphere. If he or she is willing to be open about activities, phone calls, travel plans, and to go out of the way to include a spouse in decisions, the spouse is able to relax. When the infidel is willing to be transparent, then both husband and wife can move through the slow yet rewarding process of rebuilding trust. (Gary and Mona Shriver, from the terrific book “Unfaithful”)

Link to the site I got it from.

http://www.marriagemissions.com/quotes-on-surviving-infidelity/
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babyblair

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #40 on: July 30, 2011, 08:16:30 pm »

@ainge88 - what a coincidence that my baby's dad told me to read articles from that site too.. it's refreshing! :)
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jaija08

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #41 on: July 30, 2011, 10:30:32 pm »

haaay mga sp sis... right now im still hurting.. last month ko nalaman yung nagyari, parang 1 week affair lang but because maling tao nasamahan niya nangyari yun... he was drunk, i dont know if nagsasabi sya ng totoo na wala daw nangyri but there was kissing... im in pain, 1 week lang niya nakilala yun... parang pati si baby nafefeel ang pain ko.. sana ok sya pag nakapanganak ako...

i couldnt bring myself to forgive him lalo na to trust again... kahit anong gingawa ko, naalala ko pa din... :'(
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buuurp

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #42 on: July 30, 2011, 11:25:22 pm »

ainge88 what do you mean that the infidel also has to feel the hurt? like dapat gantihan? 500 Internal Server Error sakin yung link.
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buuurp

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Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #43 on: July 30, 2011, 11:28:50 pm »

What do I do? Sabi niya "magtiwala ka lang please." now he wants to work in a cruise ship. I know that would make life better, financially speaking. Pero sa relationship namin which paulit ulit akong niloloko hindi ko alam. help! What do I do? What do I say? How do I say nang hindi kami magaaway? I tried texting him a message about what I feel para iwas gulo. Di naman sya nagreply. Tapos I found out na ayun magpapalakad na sya papers. Para bang dinesregard ako. Hay kung dito nga di kami long distance nagkakaron pa ng iba.. what more sa barko diba?  :'(
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Sometimes, its not that people change…you just find out who they really are.

babyblair

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Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #44 on: July 31, 2011, 11:30:47 am »

sis buuurp, honestly speaking.. yung relationship namin sinira ng distance.. i'm not saying this applies to all.. but it really does complicate things..if he's decided na mag-barko.. you have to support him na lang i guess but before siya umalis, clear all issues.. mafefeel mo naman what would be the better decision... and leave everything to God after that.. if you decide to patch things up with him. be sure you are really true to that. pero kung you are not willing to take the risk coz you felt that there's a big chancee you're going to be hurt.let go, be firm and let time decide.

though as much as possible, if you two believe you can work it out and he wants to reassure you na mag-aayos na kayo sana lang mag-give in na siya at wag na lang umalis..
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