Parent Chat

Advanced search  

News:


Don't forget to check your email verification from info@smartparenting.com.ph

Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 10

Author Topic: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?  (Read 76087 times)

platinumangel

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 47
    • View Profile
Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #45 on: August 02, 2011, 03:54:02 pm »

Wow aine88!  Ang ganda naman ng sinabi mo.  Tamang tama ka.  Yan ang alam ko, pero kapag nasakatayuan ka pala talaga ng isang misis na sinubukang lokohin eh medyo mahirap gawin yang sinabi mo.  In my case, paano gagawin yan kung hindi ko alam sa mister ko kung talaga bang gusto nyang magkaayos ulit kame or pabayaan na lang kasi nakaka-hassle sa kanya.

After 1 year ng marriage namin, na-discover ko sa kanya na sya yung tipo ng tao na ayaw ng mga hassles sa buhay.  Eh pwede ba naman yon eh nagkapamilya sya?  Diba?  Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam kung paano ko pa sya pakikitunguhan.  Maaaring ako lang itong nagda-drama at sa totoo eh wala naman talagang problema.  Pero ang sa akin lang, paano nyang naaatim na nagkakaganito ako about our marriage.  Sobrang insensitivity ba yun on his part?  Pakiramdam ko tuloy ako lang yung nag-eeffort... Nakakalungkot lang.

mga sis, baka makatulong po kahit papaano :)

How does one rebuild trust in a marriage after an affair? Very slowly, as the infidel proves himself or herself trustworthy repeatedly over time. We believe trust cannot be reestablished by only one person—it requires hard work by both husband and wife. That means the infidel will have to prove himself or herself over and over again. That means the spouse will have to be open to rebuilding the trust. However, trust does not require blinders. We don’t trust because we know what will or will not happen. We trust someone because we know choose to believe he or she will make the right choice.

What worked well for us was Gary’s willingness to be accountable for all things. Mona didn’t have to check on him; he initiated the contact and checked in. He avoided all situations that could have even a hint of deception, and thus Mona didn’t feel a need to monitor everything he did. The onus really seems to fall on the infidel here. This person sets the stage and the atmosphere. If he or she is willing to be open about activities, phone calls, travel plans, and to go out of the way to include a spouse in decisions, the spouse is able to relax. When the infidel is willing to be transparent, then both husband and wife can move through the slow yet rewarding process of rebuilding trust. (Gary and Mona Shriver, from the terrific book “Unfaithful”)

Link to the site I got it from.

http://www.marriagemissions.com/quotes-on-surviving-infidelity/
Logged

buuurp

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 669
    • View Profile
Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #46 on: August 05, 2011, 11:00:26 pm »

babyblair thanks ah. he doesn't bring up the topic of going abroad na. kasi i know talaga na hindi naman din niya kakayanin. i don't know lang if pinapaprocess pa din niya malalaman ko din naman dahil padating na SIL ko. eh sa side niya malaki pressure sumakay.

5 days na kaming hindi nagaaway. achievement!

i'm getting there. di na ko masyado nagiisip ng negative. dinidistract ko sarili ko kapag nakakaramdam ako ng selos, kapraningan, or kung gusto ko magtanong ng mga kung ano man about sa past na ginawa niya.

and totoo yung sinabi ni aine88. kelangan both sides eh. and do not expect too much. kasi expecting raises hopes na kapag hindi na-meet ng husband natin nakakahurt satin... tapos aawayin natin sila kasi nga di nila na-meet yung expectations. I also got that advice from Mommy Fe. sometimes i get surprised because di ako nagexpect tapos may ginawa syang really sweet or pinapaalam niya kung nasan sya without me asking. ayun.

Logged

Sometimes, its not that people change…you just find out who they really are.

ainge88

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1045
    • View Profile
Re: How do you get it together after losing your trust in your husband?
« Reply #47 on: August 06, 2011, 09:05:52 am »

Ggod job sis burp :) keep it up! It's really hard work! Pray lang and Godbless to the both of you :)
Logged

annamariemomof3

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 144
    • View Profile
cheating husband...
« Reply #48 on: October 13, 2011, 01:31:15 pm »

i got married early so ayun si hubby humabol pa sa pagbibinata. pero after awhile quite a long while ayun nagbalik loob din. he really has changed his ways, nagmatured na siya even with how he deals with our kids. kasi dati mon - sat even sunday nag wowork and even brings the work home at kagagalitan anak namin kapag kinukulit siya. but now he's the one who gets up at night to feed our twins. but i still can't help but magduda at icheck ang cp at email niya once in awhile. dapat ba talaga pag tinaggap mo siya ulit ibigay na ng buong buo ang pagtitiwala o dapat maging cautious pa rin para wag na maulit?
« Last Edit: October 14, 2011, 09:39:04 am by annamariemomof3 »
Logged

♫jam.with.me♪

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 43
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #49 on: October 13, 2011, 08:31:25 pm »

As for me, sis annamariemomof3 -- you cant blame yourself if you still have doubts kasi nature yan ng mga lalaki eh. pero you're the only one din who can tell whether faithful na ba talaga sya sayo for real.

I have an old guy friend na nangaliwa din sa wife niya, but then he came to realize na wala din namang nangyayari sa kanya, and that he really loves his wife. Until now, never na sya nambabae.

Maaga din kasi sila nag-asawa eh. Just have faith, and always make sure na kapag may pinag-awayan kayu, mareresolve nyo din bago kayo matulog. :)
Logged

rianne_mallows

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 269
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #50 on: October 13, 2011, 10:59:25 pm »

pwede naman yun sis.. ;)  maybe na curious lang si hubby mo... lame excuse but it happens... :P  maybe he came to realize that it's not his cup of tea..magastos din mambabae no ;D

Logged
hindi naman ako masamang tao...
sadyang kapag nagsasabi ako ng totoo..
tinatamaan at tumatagos sa pagkatao mo

annamariemomof3

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 144
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #51 on: October 14, 2011, 09:28:22 am »

i feel naman that he is repentant even chose to work at home 3x a week. pero lagi ko ngang sinasabi sa kanya baka naman sa simula lang yan. anyways trust is earned di ba, only time will tell kung he has really changed for good.
Logged

sassy_lexy

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 15
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #52 on: October 15, 2011, 10:58:43 am »

i feel naman that he is repentant even chose to work at home 3x a week. pero lagi ko ngang sinasabi sa kanya baka naman sa simula lang yan. anyways trust is earned di ba, only time will tell kung he has really changed for good.

pa-join ako sis ha. totoo yan. pag wala na ang trust, mapaparanoid ka na. kahit wala na ginagawang masama akala mo meron pa din. mahirap mawalan ng tiwala. parang hindi mo alam kung maibabalik pa. :(
Logged

peppergurl971

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #53 on: October 15, 2011, 11:16:41 am »

totoo sis. mahirap mawalan ng trust kay hubby. ako din, paranoid ako na he is cheating tapos twice ko na din nahuli. pero i can manage not to worry about it kasi married naman na kami. and responsible naman sya.
Logged

sassy_lexy

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 15
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #54 on: October 15, 2011, 11:25:45 am »

trust kasi talaga ang importante sa isang relationship. pano kung wala na yun pano maibabalik pa?
Logged

sweetest_thing

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 133
  • happy mommy for the third time :)
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #55 on: October 15, 2011, 11:57:28 pm »

yan din ang tanong ko na hanggang ngayon e hinahanapan ko pa din ng kasagutan. ang hirap na kasi magtiwala uli, kahit wala ng ginagawa si hubby, feeling ko meron pa din, baka ganyan, baka ganito, kahit humingi na siya ng tawad and all, can't help but think negatively. minsan nga naiisip ko if i made the right decision to forgive him kasi nuon sabi ko once na me gawin siya, wala ng second chance, goodbye na kaagad!
Logged

sassy_lexy

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 15
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #56 on: October 17, 2011, 08:22:35 am »

yan din ang tanong ko na hanggang ngayon e hinahanapan ko pa din ng kasagutan. ang hirap na kasi magtiwala uli, kahit wala ng ginagawa si hubby, feeling ko meron pa din, baka ganyan, baka ganito, kahit humingi na siya ng tawad and all, can't help but think negatively. minsan nga naiisip ko if i made the right decision to forgive him kasi nuon sabi ko once na me gawin siya, wala ng second chance, goodbye na kaagad!


sis madaling sabihin mahirap gawin. parehas tayo. pero pag ikaw na pala ang nasa sitwasyon hindi mo alam ang gagawin mo. gusto mo ng mag move on pero pag maisip mo masakit pa din. :(
Logged

shika_jane2

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #57 on: October 17, 2011, 10:45:52 pm »

hi momsies,

pag nagloko na talaga minsan, iba na. mahrp na talaga ibalik un dati. nkakalungkot man kaht sobrang effort ng guy parang my pagdududa kpa rinb talaga mafefeel. ewan ko sa iba ako kc ganun :)
Logged

cheena

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 85
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #58 on: October 18, 2011, 11:48:09 am »

ako din sis ganun, hirap magtiwala, paranoid na minsan lalo na if late na umuwi or my pupuntahan daw, madali lang naman kasi magsinungaling eh, lalo na if alam nila na wala ka way to find out kung totoo. ako kasi napansin ko ultimo kaliit liitang bagay nakakapagsinungaling sya eh, panu pa kaya yung mga big thing na diba. bago ka magtiwala ulit dapat mapatunayan niya na wala ka na tlagang dapat pang ipagduda. sa na experience ko kasi wala naman pinapatunayan, walang paki alam ba, basta ginagawa kung ano gustong gawin without thinking kung makakadamage pa ulit sa trust na binubuo niya dapat... nung minsan ngang tinanong niya ko if wala ba ko tiwala sa kanya, i told him wala, pano ko magtitiwala kung hindi mo naman sinasabi sa akin kung nasan ka at ano ginagawa mo, kahit hindi ako nagtatanong syempre dapat inform niya ko diba, kasi kung magtatanong naman ako sasabihin nagchecheck na naman... hayyy naku, sabi nga nila para daw yang salamin, hirap ng buuin once nabasag, super true in my case...
Logged

peppergurl971

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 54
    • View Profile
Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #59 on: October 19, 2011, 06:39:20 am »

ako ganyan din, di na 100% ang tiwala kay hubby at paranoid na. What i do, tinanggal ko mga worries. Hayaan ko na lang sya, tutal, hes old enough. As long as he is keeping himself responsible sa amin ng anak niya ok nako.
Logged
Pages: 1 2 3 [4] 5 6 ... 10