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Author Topic: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?  (Read 76088 times)

sweetest_thing

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Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #60 on: October 22, 2011, 10:58:56 pm »

@sis sassy_lexy: cencia na, now me lang uli nakapag-online...agree! pag ikaw na pala yung nasa sitwasyon na ganun, you will consider to give your hubby a second chance provided na talagang pinagsisihan niya ginawa and promises not to do it again, although alam naman na niya yun, na once ko lang siya pagbibigyan, no more second chances!

kaya lang, ang hirap mag-move on mga sis! there are times na ok ka na then pag naalala mu na naman nangyari, babalik na naman yung galit. hay, makaka-recover pa kaya ako from what happened? i hope, i pray...
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annamariemomof3

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Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #61 on: October 25, 2011, 10:02:00 am »

it's been 4 years na since it happened to me pero there are times na ganun nga akala ko naka move on na ko but bigla ko maiisip nangyari and it was as if it was just yesterday. the pain never ends na yata. ako kasi super mapagtiwala ako dati as in i let him go out and have a night out with his friends and i don't question him on his whereabouts kahit na nga he spends a lot of weekends away from me. i don't even touch his phone or answer his calls katwiran ko kasi he deserves his privacy. but i was so wrong, i felt so stupid after i found out what he was up to. i wish i could just walk away but my three kids adore him and they are the most important in my life.
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sassy_lexy

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Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #62 on: October 26, 2011, 03:17:47 pm »

@sis sassy_lexy: cencia na, now me lang uli nakapag-online...agree! pag ikaw na pala yung nasa sitwasyon na ganun, you will consider to give your hubby a second chance provided na talagang pinagsisihan niya ginawa and promises not to do it again, although alam naman na niya yun, na once ko lang siya pagbibigyan, no more second chances!

kaya lang, ang hirap mag-move on mga sis! there are times na ok ka na then pag naalala mu na naman nangyari, babalik na naman yung galit. hay, makaka-recover pa kaya ako from what happened? i hope, i pray...

hello sis sweetest_thing :) parehas tayo ng situation. alam mo sis yung hubby ko talagang sinabi niya at nakikita ko naman na ginagawa niya ang lahat para maging maayos. i just hope and pray na maging maayos na talaga. dati kasi sobrang luwag ko. walang problema sa akin. sobrang smooth ang relationship namin even nung mag bf pa lang kami. hindi ako nagger. lahat ng makakagaan sa kanya ginawa ko. kaya nga nung i asked him anung naging problema pano niya nagawa... natukso lang daw talaga. so ngayon im a paranoid and moody wife. he always tell me na sana maibalik na ang dati. gusto ko oo. pero sobrang nasasaktan ako. hindi na pure ang nararamdaman ko. hindi na ako masyado masayahin dahil lagi na akong nag iisip. ang hirap pero im trying. hindi na rin ako nag a i love you. siya na lang. ayaw ko kasing mag i love you until andito pa din ang pain. sana mag heal na lahat. at sana maayos na.
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thirdysmom

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Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #63 on: October 26, 2011, 04:43:20 pm »

it really is so hard to bring the trust back kapag once nagawa ka ng lokohin ng kapartner mo. regardless of the reason kung bakit niya nagawa yun at kung gaano kagrabe or kagaan ng pagkakagawa niya ng kasalanan na yun. Aminado ako dumaan ako sa ganyan. My husband cheated on me--before my pregnancy, while I was pregnant, after giving birth... it wasn't something serious naman. As far as I've known kasi nagawa kong pigain lahat ng resources ko ma-trace ko lang yung MGA girls na yun. It was all teen-age flirting type. But it was still painful.  I was stupid before trying to be a perfect understanding partner. I realized the only way to make him stop cheating is to make him realize women are not made stupid. We are not a plaything. I think I've posted my story before dito sa sp.  I made him feel what we women feel. Now, nakikita ko effort niya. Kapag nagagalit ako sa kanya he felt threatened. Never an argument passed without him saying sorry regardless of whose fault it was. I guess what I am trying to say is, if we once found out our partners cheated on us, let's give ourselves an ultimatum. It's not gonna be easy, but in my experience, I think it worked.

Tayong mga babae, dapat ipakita natin sa mga partners natin we deserve to be treated fairly. And cheating on us is not a fair way.
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gretchenrt

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Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #64 on: October 26, 2011, 05:40:03 pm »

at least he makes up with all his shortcomings.  :)

i don't see any reason not to trust your husband, AGAIN.
it maybe broken, but in his actions right now, he seems like trying to earn it back.
i can't blame you. but it will be worthwhile, for you and especially for the kids.
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annamariemomof3

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Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #65 on: October 31, 2011, 03:34:40 pm »

@sassy_lexy
parehas pala tayo, ako rin kasi dati super cool wife lang ako, i let him have his boys night out, hindi rin ako pala text to check him out. hindi ko pinakikialaman cp niya. kaya nga when i found out sobrang feeling ko naging tan** ako. now super paranoid na ako. pag may nag text or tumawag duda na agad ako. i put meaning into everything. trust is not a right naman di ba it is earned ewan ko lang kung mabalik pa yun. ako rin parang di ko na maatim na mag i love you. i just don't feel that i do, everytime i feel pain kasi i also feel resentment towards him.
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fegloria1954

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Re: cheating husband...
« Reply #66 on: October 31, 2011, 04:11:57 pm »

Trust comes only after forgiveness.

Forgiveness itself is a process that could take a long time, but it will depend on the spouses.

After forgiveness is in place, trust will slowly come.  Trust, too, like forgiveness, is something one decides upon.

Mommy Fe
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andi.gonzalez

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #67 on: November 07, 2011, 01:35:36 pm »

hi mga sis, nakaka relate ako dito. pakiramdam ko, nagiging unfair din ako kay husband kase nahihirapan akong bigyan sya ng chance. at aminado ako, i badly need help. may marerecommend ba kayo na counselor, pasig or taguig area? saka magkano pf?

sis mac717:

sino counselor mo? magkano rate niya? hope you could help me mend my wounds so my husband and i could revive our relationship..
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fegloria1954

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #68 on: November 08, 2011, 06:59:56 pm »

In addition to doing - with my husband - a marriage healing program, I also read a lot of materials on various concerns like coping with infidelity, surviving infidelity, overcoming infidelity, forgiveness, etc.  And you know what, one of the biggest surprises was learning that infidelity is not only about a spouse having a third party.  Infidelity happens also the moment one no longer makes priority one's spouse - yung tipong mas priority pa ang work, or ang night out with the boys, or the family of origin, etc.

This one is the first part of a 4-part article on Coping with Infidelity.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5059_qa.html

This one is the first of a 10-part series of articles on Surviving Infidelity:
http://www.surviveinfidelityhq.com/surviving-infidelity/

This one is another series of articles on Overcoming Infidelity:
http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com/surviveaffairipu.htm

This one is a Mayo Clinic article on Mending Your Marriage After the Affair:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/infidelity/MH00110

And this one is on Forgiveness:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

Did I read them all?  Yes I did.
Did I do what was advised?  Yes I did, to the best of my ability.
Did the articles help me?  Yes they did.


Mommy Fe

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avengeus22

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #69 on: November 24, 2011, 08:49:56 pm »

HI mommies!

I Salute and thank you for sharing your experiences. Wala pa naman ako ganitong experience,puro kutob lang. But we all know what that means diba? Ako kasi if walang evidence na out in the open eh hindi na ko mageeffort na maghanap pa..maybe im a coward? BAka di ko kasi kayanin if ever..
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FighterDad Rob

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #70 on: December 03, 2011, 02:29:23 am »

From a man's point of view, INFIDELITY IS UNFORGIVABLE.  I'm sorry to disappoint more liberal minds.  But A COMMITMENT IS A PROMISE TO BE FAITHFUL.

If you can't do that, don't get married or think outside the box and just have an "open marriage".  I heard it works for Will and Jada Smith.  I'm not encouraging anything, I'm just being REAL. 

A REAL MAN KEEPS HIS WORD.

Hindi na uso yung "Kung babaero ako, astig ako.  Kung lalakera ka, you are a whore"  It goes both ways.  Being a cheater makes a guy SOOOO much less of a man.


« Last Edit: December 03, 2011, 02:32:34 am by FighterDad Rob »
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fegloria1954

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #71 on: December 06, 2011, 12:52:50 pm »

Part of overcoming a spouse's infidelity/adultery has to do with undergoing a process of forgiveness with the spouse.

But the first thing one needs to do is to decide to forgive - something really very difficult to do.  The betrayed feels so much pain, resentment and desire to hit back that the idea of forgiveness may not sink in.  The betrayer feels so much guilt but still tries to "save face" and more often than not denies that there is anything wrong in the deed done.  Unless one of them moves towards a reach-out point, they will be in a circle where one is buried in resentment and pain while the other is in this mind-set that "I won't be forgiven anyway so why bother doing any better."

How does one even consider forgiveness?  The betrayed needs to understand that forgiveness is NOT FOR THE BETRAYER, it is actually for the betrayed - because forgiveness is letting go, of the negative feelings of pain, anger, resentment, desire to hit back measure for measure, etc. etc.  Such negative feelings typically adversely affect one's health - and that realization is one impetus that could drive one to think about forgiving.  I FORGIVE TO GET RID OF THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS, BECAUSE OTHERWISE MY HEALTH WILL DETERIORATE SOME MORE.

Does the betrayer just wait for an offer of forgiveness?  No.  Because for as long as the guilt-feeling is there, the defensive actions will always be there too, and those too usually are negative feelings, that also affect one's health.  So then again:  I SEEK FORGIVENESS TO GET RID OF THE GUILT-FEELING AND OTHER NEGATIVE FEELINGS, BECAUSE OTHERWISE MY HEALTH WILL DETERIORATE SOME MORE.  The betrayer has a second consideration - FORGIVENESS OF ONE'S OWN SELF, FOR HAVING DONE THOSE THINGS.

You may think that above are too simplistic, etc. but in the end, such an approach can be a good route towards overcoming TOGETHER - THE BETRAYED AND THE BETRAYER - the INFIDELITY/ADULTERY.

Then one more:  you must understand that you the betrayed will never forget what happened.  You the betrayer will never forget what you did.  Do not ever think that after forgiveness has taken place then the past will be forgotten.  If you do, you may end up literally "beating yourself up" because: I MUST FORGET THE PAST; I MUST NOT TALK ABOUT IT.  Your brain is designed to retain the memory of any and all traumatic experiences.  It is part of how man has managed to evolve - and to adapt to whatever happens - in this world.

When you forgive, what you will eventually forget are the negative feelings that you had over those traumatic experiences.  And, it will be replaced by thankfulness, by gratitude, and a better appreciation of yourself - and your spouse - because the both of you have overcome, have transcended such traumatic experiences.

Am I talking based on theory, on what I have read from those books and reading materials?  No I am not.  My husband and I are living proof of one couple who has gone through so many trauma and who have instead opted to undergo the process of forgiveness and healing.  I look back on what had happened and I am thankful that I had enough courage and perseverance to try the process of forgiveness.  My husband too looks back and has this sense of wonder and awe that indeed there is Someone out there who was with us all the while.

Mommy Fe
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Lhani

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #72 on: December 07, 2011, 04:02:00 am »

joining..

Mga sis how will you know if your husband is doing something wrong behind your back??(Cheating)
Do you trust your instinc?
Several times ng umuwi ng late ang hubby ko as in late 3-4am and drunk..Walang paalam and worst nakapatay ang phone or hindi sinasagot ang calls.I ask him about this and laging sinasabi na nag-inuman lang with friends and officemates..

Did someone here caught her husband going at the bar or "beerhouse"? :-\
Sabi kasi ng kawork kong guy wala daw lalake na hindi nagpupunta sa ganitong lugar.. :-[

PLs help ano gagawin ko?Until now hindi pa kami nag-uusap ni hubby and parang nakakasawa na yung ganitong set-up.. :'( Ayokong masira ang family namin because of this.. :'(
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tigerfish

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #73 on: December 07, 2011, 11:18:07 pm »

si hubby may usapan kami na iiwas na siya sa girl na malandi na officemate niya. di na daw siya magtetext. pero twice ko na siya nahuli ka text na naman at dinedelete niya pa. napaka sinungaling. ano po ba dapat gawin?  :'(
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Mommy France

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Re: can a wife really overcome her husband's infidelity/adultery?
« Reply #74 on: December 08, 2011, 11:28:12 am »

Try a different approach sis..
malay mo mag-work.

Talk to him about what you saw and it broke your heart.
Tapos, pag sinabi niya na hindi na talaga mauulit, believe him and try trust him again.

Kasi kung walang trust, what is there to break?
Then after that, always remind him that you know he's a better person and that you trust him completely.


In the end, if he chooses to be with the girl you can say "I trusted you but you broke it" kasi you really did trust him.
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