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Author Topic: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?  (Read 183591 times)

youngmom

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #45 on: June 06, 2008, 01:46:37 pm »

well,sana applicable to babies.i can't spank him hard naman kc he's just 8 months,pero i dont want him to bring that habit into his toddler years. ???
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eve

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #46 on: June 06, 2008, 02:03:36 pm »

yancy didn't pass through the hitting stage pero she went through the nangangagat stage na pati mukha ko she gummed.  sabi nga e, deadly weapon ni yancy ang kanyang mga gums. at nitong lumaki na eh mga claws naman niya (words of my 5 yr old niece na nabiktima ng claws ni yancy sa hita hehe).  noong maliit pa si yancy na hindi pa pwede paluin, i say her name really sternly (tama ba grammar) as in madiin na KATHERINE, STOP THAT! the palo came when she was around 2 na nakakaintindi na.  like what i shared before, palo minsan lang kasi pag paulit ulit, pang aapi na (for me at least) at hindi na effective.  babies love to explore so we give them soft toys only at eto, never na tumawa kami (me, hubby and whoever is with us at any given time) pag me ginagawang mali si yancy noong maliit pa sya. no cuddles after pagalitan.  she must come to terms muna na mali sya.  pero maphine, it's true medyo mahirap idiscipline pa yung 8 years old, nag eexplore pa kasi yun.  the best i can offer you is read books to him about good boys, remove hard objects which he can use to hit people with and try to divert his attention pag nakikita mo nang mananakit. but times na nalingat ka at napalo ka, just speak softly but firmly to him while removing the object he had used.
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youngmom

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #47 on: June 06, 2008, 04:05:51 pm »

ako,lahat ng toys na binibili ko,soft talaga,specially when he was 0-6mos old,pero nung nag 6 mos na siya,my titas started giving him hard toys,age appropriate naman and educational.minsan lang talaga,di maiwasan malingat ka lang and he grabs onto something hard na.

i also use that"MACKY,STOP THAT",with a boos kind of tone pa,and ang nangyayari,ginagaya niya tomes ko,he screams and shouts.so sabi ng mom ko,wag mo kc sigawan,giangaya ka tuloy,lam niyo naman kids,they pick up everything they hear from us.yoko din naman kasanayan niya lumaki shouting at people kc na pick up niya sakin.so mukang exercise patience lang talaga.(na nauubos na hehe)
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maphine

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #48 on: June 07, 2008, 10:33:49 am »

Hay mommies same here.When I started shouting on him with that very bossy phrase:"Stop that!" He started mimicking me.So nalito na tuloy ako of what should I do.But as he's growing to be smarter na he now understands me,na whenever I shout meaning galit si mommy.
But kagabi ha,I started giving him that sharp look if he's doing "not good" things.(nga pala I read in a book:we should use "not good" instead of saying "bad" kasi negative masyado ang bad so the kid will think very negative also na parang walang ng cure/remedy ang pagiging bad niya,if we use the "not good" phrase pwede pang matanggal ang "not" to become good) ;) Iniiwasan ko din namng mamalo ng sobra(as what mommy eve said pang-aapi na yon.heheh) and to shout on him kasi bakaisipin na lang niya na my pamamalo and shouting is ntural na lang to me.So kagabi I started naman different technique pero lam nyo ba, he laughed so hard at me at sobrang natutuwa sya everytime ginagawa ko yong sharp look na yon sa mga mata ko.Akala niya siguro I'm making fun out of my face.Kaya mukhang nakaktuwa.But slowly I know he'll be getting it na kung ano talga gusto kong sabhin with that look kasi di din naman ako tumatawa.Nong una lang kasi natawa talga sya ng sobra na napahiga na sa tuwa e natawa na din kami ng dad niya. ;D

eve

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #49 on: June 07, 2008, 01:43:37 pm »

siguro kasi am an educator so am used to using a professor's tone pag galit na hehe.  no need to shout kasi lalong hindi ka maintindihan ng bata at it's very confusing.  we shout when we're happy, we shout when we are startled then pag galit shout pa din so it is very confusing.  Lucy Torres-Gomez shared this tip in an old issue of GH Phils:  when Juliana daw misbehaves she speaks to Juliana in a firm, soft and consistent tone of voice.  I remembered that and when Yancy started showing her naughty side, I tried it and it worked! :D but disciplining boys is a different thing kasi iba rin ang strategy dahil iba ang psyche nila.

maphine, pinagtawanan ka ng baby mo hehe.  siguro sobrang stern noong look mo. hehe.
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youngmom

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #50 on: June 07, 2008, 05:25:00 pm »

haha hay nako,maphine same same tayo,i tried that look with macky and he's just 8 months,and siyempre tawa din siya,natawa naman ako,cant help it e,makarinig ka ng baby na tumatawa sarap pakinggan diba?

korek ka mommy eve,iba level ng boys sa girls in terms of tolerance sa pagsasaway ntin at hyper ata boys than girls..pero i might try that firm tone with macky when he understands words and instructions na,as of now,disciplining an infant is harder than disciplining a toddler,hay hirap,kc di pa sila nakakaintindi.my mom doesn't want me to shout o pagalitan si baby o yung tone na bossy man lang kc baby pa daw yan,di daw niya maiintindihan sinasabi ko.di rin pwede paluin kc he will only feel the pain and u cant get ur message across in physical punishment kc pain lang maiintindihan niya at hindi yung reason y siya pinalo.


maphine,sa sinabi mo about saying "bad" kay baby,korek ka jan,pero we can say din naman na "bad behavior"so he'll know na yung behavior yung bad instead of saying bad only or bad boy/bad girl. para mabago niya bahavior,pwede din yung not good,so he'll change it into something good diba?yung "bad behavior",i learned it from cherry pie picache sa isang SP issue.
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maphine

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #51 on: June 10, 2008, 01:52:10 pm »

maphine, pinagtawanan ka ng baby mo hehe.  siguro sobrang stern noong look mo. hehe.

Yes sis pinagtawanan niya ako.Kala niya siguro I'm making faces.   :( ;D

haha hay nako,maphine same same tayo,i tried that look with macky and he's just 8 months,and siyempre tawa din siya,natawa naman ako,cant help it e,makarinig ka ng baby na tumatawa sarap pakinggan diba?

korek ka mommy eve,iba level ng boys sa girls in terms of tolerance sa pagsasaway ntin at hyper ata boys than girls..pero i might try that firm tone with macky when he understands words and instructions na,as of now,disciplining an infant is harder than disciplining a toddler,hay hirap,kc di pa sila nakakaintindi.my mom doesn't want me to shout o pagalitan si baby o yung tone na bossy man lang kc baby pa daw yan,di daw niya maiintindihan sinasabi ko.di rin pwede paluin kc he will only feel the pain and u cant get ur message across in physical punishment kc pain lang maiintindihan niya at hindi yung reason y siya pinalo.


maphine,sa sinabi mo about saying "bad" kay baby,korek ka jan,pero we can say din naman na "bad behavior"so he'll know na yung behavior yung bad instead of saying bad only or bad boy/bad girl. para mabago niya bahavior,pwede din yung not good,so he'll change it into something good diba?yung "bad behavior",i learned it from cherry pie picache sa isang SP issue.

True ka jan youngmom.Kahit galit na galit na ko, tanggal kaagad ngitian lang ako ni baby.Masarap ngang pakinggan laughter ng isang baby lalong lalo na paglaughter na galing sa baby mo.Mas doble pa ang saya na nafifeel ko everytime tumatawa sya.

siguro kasi am an educator so am used to using a professor's tone pag galit na hehe.  no need to shout kasi lalong hindi ka maintindihan ng bata at it's very confusing.  we shout when we're happy, we shout when we are startled then pag galit shout pa din so it is very confusing.  Lucy Torres-Gomez shared this tip in an old issue of GH Phils:  when Juliana daw misbehaves she speaks to Juliana in a firm, soft and consistent tone of voice.  I remembered that and when Yancy started showing her naughty side, I tried it and it worked! :D but disciplining boys is a different thing kasi iba rin ang strategy dahil iba ang psyche nila.


Bout naman sa difference in behavior sa girls and boys, I can say mhirap talaga ang sa lalaki. Before kasi I used to be the nanny of my nieces kasi love ko talaga children so lahat ng pamangkin ko sa kin pinababantayan kung walang yaya at enjoy naman din ako kasi mommy din tawag nila sa kin, feel ko nga mas love pa nila ako kaysa sa parents hehe ;) Now na my Ynzho na ko parang nashock ako kasi he has different behavior talaga compared to his cousins na mga girls. Di ko tuloy alam san ako mgsisimula. Evryday parang there's always something new with him. Though mahirap talaga ngeenjoy din naman ako.

With this situation ngiging kakampi ko na dad niya. I keep on telling him na sometimes di ko maintindihan behavior ni baby and sometimes I don't know san ba ang limit ng pagdiscipline ko sa kanya,kaya feeling super hero naman si daddy kasi sya na ang bhala kay baby. Pero sa ming dalwa ako talaga disciplinarian sya tumatawa lang kung pinagtatawanan na ko ni baby everytime nagagalit ako. >:( Mana sa daddy si baby. ;)

Sa nieces ko everytime they are misbehaving I just talk to them firmly,then ok na. They would at once get what I wantd them to understand and observe ko after I explain to them that "that is bad and this is good", parang nagiging conscious na sila with their actions. Pero kay ynzho it would take time bago niya maintindihan ang gusto kung sabihin sa kanya. It would take a lot of patience pa from me bago ko sya mapaintindi.But in fairness din naman din kay hubby, he's taking all the efforts to discipline our kid. Observe ko kay hubby di niya muna direct pinagagalitan ang bata.He'll play with him muna and if Ynzho will misbehave na naman, he'll stop playing with him and tell Ynzho that he don't like to play with naughty boys. And parang naiintindihan ni Ynzho na everytime he'll misbehave mawawaln sya ng playmate so he won't misbehave na.  :D  ;)

youngmom

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #52 on: June 10, 2008, 02:41:18 pm »

nice tactics ah,ma try nga,no more play pag misbehaved.effective kaya sa baby??hehe
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maphine

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #53 on: June 10, 2008, 07:35:48 pm »

e effective naman ky baby pag si hubby ang gumagawa pero sa kin bakit kaya hindi?Kanina lang ginawa ko yang technique na yan pero di pa din ngstop si baby sa pkikipaglaro sa kin. :( Di pa din sya ng stop to misbehave. I was thinking kasi na baka its because na ynzho would think na di ako seryoso everytime galit ako kasi afterwards lambingan to the max na naman kasi kami.Pero si daddy niya pagsinabing no play, no play talaga yan at hindi maaawa sa anak niya kahit mgpilit at mgsmile smile sa kanya hangt di ngstop to misbehave.

So lesson na din na if you'll apply this technique we should also consider to hold or control our emotions na di talaga maawa kay baby para matuto... ;)

Galing kong magsalita at magshare di ko naman hehe.But sooner I'll do it na talaga...Promise! ;D

maphine

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #54 on: June 18, 2008, 01:26:57 pm »

The myths and facts of discipline

When you administer discipline effectively in your children's lives, you are helping them learn how to control their behaviour according to their ideas of what is right and wrong, not merely due to fear of punishment. Your child chooses to be honest because he thinks it is wrong to cheat, not because he is afraid of getting caught. If you choose physical punishment, it makes the child hate himself and others. It makes him think that there's something wrong with him. If I hit my child, he might also feel that he has paid for his misbehavior and is free to do it again.

 
In other words, harsh punishment teaches my child to deceive me and gives him the idea that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems. Punishment also ruins a child's self-esteem and it doesn't work anymore when the child becomes a teenager. Effective discipline, on the other hand, helps the child learn self-control and builds his self-esteem.
There are many myths about discipline that are spread to new parents by family members, friends and sometimes even their pediatrician. While they are generally not harmful, they can be confusing to a new parent who is trying to learn to do the right thing for their children.

 
Myth: Children who misbehave are naughty and they are asking to be punished.

Fact: Misbehaving children are 'discouraged children' who have mistaken ideas on how to achieve their primary goal - to belong. Their mistaken ideas lead them to misbehaviour. When my child screams and throws a tantrum, I will calmly use words of encouragement to help him feel a sense of belonging so the motivation for misbehaving will be reduced and the attention is focused towards good behaviour. A wonderful way to help children feel encouraged is to spend time being with them. Many times, I have noticed a positive change in temper and behaviour in my son after spending five minutes simply sharing what we like to do for fun.

Myth: Discipline is bad for children.
Fact:
Parents should realize that discipline is necessary for children. They are not born with it, which is why parents will have to teach it to them little by little. A toddler's newfound curiosity may subject him to potential safety hazards. When my son was two, I often found myself exerting enormous control on him to keep him safe. But as my child advances in age, he is now more able to access whether there is danger of falling when he is playing on high playground equipment. Discipline is helping children develop self-control. It is setting limits and correcting misbehaviour. Discipline has taught my son how to think for himself and take charge of his behaviour. He now knows that if he crosses a street without looking, he could get hit by a car.

..............................Continued................................ ;)

maphine

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #55 on: June 18, 2008, 01:27:46 pm »

.......................CONTINUATION.................. :)

Myth: Parents should always use 'time-out' with children who misbehave.
Fact:
Time out loses its effectiveness as children get older. In order to teach my preschool child about self-discipline, we create a place called a Control Spot. Quite similar to a time out, it helps remove my child from a difficult situation, but this time, he gets to decide when to use it and how long it should last. When he seems to lose control, he can choose to go to the Control Spot to take a few minutes of rest or wait till the feeling passes. This helps him to be aware of his emotions and gives him the chance to take charge of the situation.

Myth: Spanking is much easier and it will teach children who is boss
Fact
: Yes, spanking may seem easy at that time but think again. Children who are hit will learn the message that it is acceptable to hit others in order to solve a problem. Besides, I am sure most parents notice that spanking doesn't keep their children from misbehaving. Although kids need to know that parents or adults are in charge, spanking can teach them to be terrified of the adult in charge. Positive discipline, however, teaches children to respect the adult in charge. And remember this, respect goes both ways - when I treat my child with respect and let him have some control, he will learn to respect me and listen to me.

Myth: Discipline teaches children that they should not repeat their mistakes.
Fact:
Positive discipline teaches children that mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn. Remember to let them know what they are doing right as well as the mistakes they make. Children need to hear good things to make them feel worthy about themselves. Then help him recognize his mistake and teach him to apologize if necessary. Say things like: ' You behaved really well in Sam's house this morning without fighting. But I think you have hurt little Ashley when you took her toy away without her permission.' I always believe that parents should be good role models to their children. When I have made a mistake, I will make an effort to apologize willingly and focus on how to figure out a solution instead of blaming someone for his fault.

Myth: Discipline is more effective when parents are angry and annoyed.
Fact:
It is hard to keep your cool especially when kids are testing your patience. Bear in mind, however, losing your temper can also mean losing your ability to instill positive discipline. Effective discipline is administered in a calm and respectful manner. Learn to keep your voice low and your feelings in check. Try not to use any physical force or make sudden threatening movements. These will only create unhealthy fear in your child. When children are rude and rebellious, it is easy for us to become disrespectful and sometimes sarcastic. Our best response nevertheless is to model the same courtesy, respect and friendly tone we would like our children to learn. A calm and respectful response strengthens our authority as parents and adults. Children who are yelled at, insulted and ridiculed may begin to view the parent as an enemy and harbour feelings of anger and hurt.

Myth: Discipline makes children loathe their parents.
Fact:
When you discipline a child, he may get angry but that's not a reason to feel as though you are a bad person. Maintain your calm and as long as your are being fair, it will be alright. When my child is angry, I try to help him channel his anger positively. We would spend some relaxing time playing or drawing or listening to songs. When he is ready, we would talk about his feelings. Allowing children a chance to get their feelings out shows how much you respect them while maintaining your authority. This in the long run will teach him how to talk about feelings without hurting or attacking people.

Remember that discipline is helping children develop self-control. It is how you teach your children to grow to be happy, safe, well-adjusted members of society. Raising children is a tough job, but as children learn to control their own behavior, discipline gets easier and easier. Discipline is also encouraging children, guiding them, helping them feel good about themselves.[/size]

maphine

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #56 on: June 18, 2008, 01:28:34 pm »

ENJOY READING MOMMIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

maphine

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #57 on: June 18, 2008, 01:44:48 pm »

Through this wonderful thoughts about the myths and facts of discipline, I learned a lot of things that I as a new mom with a toddler should do. I even almost cried when I found out that most of the time I'm not doing any good to my son. I thought it was already right to spank him, to shout on him, to punish him by putting him in his naughty corner. But as I read all those facts, I suddenly accused my self of being rude to my child at 1. I can't blame my self though because as mother's I know all of us are struggling and should cling to one another's experiences and opinions. Its really a fact then that we adults learn from all our mistakes.  ;)  :)

Mommies hope these passages would help you a lot as much as it did with me. ;)

youngmom

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #58 on: June 18, 2008, 08:07:07 pm »

very nice read.i agree about this,we should teach kids how to control their feelings and how to know the right from wrong at an early age and that it's ok for them to learn from their mistakes.i-aaply ko to pag nasa toddler years na baby ko(as for now,mahirap turuan ang baby so patience lang talaga and tricks na din to calm him down ;))

may mga ilan lang facts ako medyo disagree(POV ko lang)

.......................CONTINUATION.................. :)

Myth: Parents should always use 'time-out' with children who misbehave.
Fact:
Time out loses its effectiveness as children get older. In order to teach my preschool child about self-discipline, we create a place called a Control Spot. Quite similar to a time out, it helps remove my child from a difficult situation, but this time, he gets to decide when to use it and how long it should last. When he seems to lose control, he can choose to go to the Control Spot to take a few minutes of rest or wait till the feeling passes. This helps him to be aware of his emotions and gives him the chance to take charge of the situation.


for me,time out would still work if it is used effectively.time outs are used on a toddler who's having tantrums or can't seem to have control over his feelings or is misbehaving.kaya time out muna siya to cool down.as the child gets older,humahaba din yung mins niya for time out para mag muni muni tapos after cooling down,saka na kausapin pag parehas na kayo nag cool down para ma point out sa bata kung ano ang mali sa pag wawala niya(lalo n sa mataong lugar).



Myth: Spanking is much easier and it will teach children who is boss
Fact
: Yes, spanking may seem easy at that time but think again. Children who are hit will learn the message that it is acceptable to hit others in order to solve a problem. Besides, I am sure most parents notice that spanking doesn't keep their children from misbehaving. Although kids need to know that parents or adults are in charge, spanking can teach them to be terrified of the adult in charge. Positive discipline, however, teaches children to respect the adult in charge. And remember this, respect goes both ways - when I treat my child with respect and let him have some control, he will learn to respect me and listen to me.



spanking too is effective when used properly,remember to do it in private and two smacks on the buttocks should be enough to get ur message across.spanking is also given sa bata na nabigyan na ng warning pero hindi padin sumunod at dapat he knows the consequences of misbehaving after a given warning.dapat pag sinabi mo may palo siya after the warning at di padin sumunod,gawin mo na yung sinabi mo para magkaron siya ng respect sayo na ginagawa mo ang sinasabi mo at hindi ka nanakot lang sa bata.lahat naman tayo nag daan sa palo pero dapat sa tamang paraan at sa tamang pag kakataon and for me,it should be your last resort kung lahat ng forms of discipline e nagawa mo na at wa epek padin sa bata.. dapat try mo  muna lahat ng discipline before resorting to spanking and u must first give a warning.in my opinion,part of childhood ang spanking.kahit tayo naman diba nagdaan jan.basta dapat hindi ma trauma ang spanking and use it seldomly lang.(bihira at last resort mo na) ;)
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maphine

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Re: how to discipline a toddler (1-3yo) Bawal nang mamalo?
« Reply #59 on: June 19, 2008, 01:33:32 pm »

The key term/factor lang talaga,just to sum it up is Patience talga. With the age of my child now di maiwasn ang temper tantrums. Minsan di mo maiintindihn kung anong gusto. Before I usually punish him when he's doing it by putting him in his naughty corner, hanggng sa mapaos na yan di talaga titigil.(di ko sometimes macontrol temper ko) Now everytime ngtatantrum sya I'm trying my best to be patient enough to wait ntil he is ready to come to me and hug me. After that I try to calm him down by offering choices.Like I would let him choose if he wants to be BF or he wants milk in bottle. A big book or the small one. In that manner mababaling ang attention niya sa pamimili ng kung anong pwedeng mpaglibangan niya. So far its working with me now.  ;)
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