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Author Topic: He's still living like a Bachelor.  (Read 32482 times)

babyblair

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He's still living like a Bachelor.
« on: December 20, 2011, 01:05:14 am »

Basahin sa Smart Parenting:
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im so freakin pissed. I just found out today that he bought a Michael Jordan Collector's Item Watch worth 420++ Canadian dollars.
Very understandable that he's a guy and so fond of these basketball stuffs.
But the BIG PROBLEM here is, I have to set an all out war before he can give money for our baby's vaccine. and other stuffs. and mind you, i have to plead before he gives in and most of the time he doesnt. ggrrr. It's been a year now. helloo??

He's in Canada, his family migrated so I am left here with my family. and since day one. My parents will shoulder 80% of all our expenses. He always say he needs to pay this and that. Only to find out he's lying.

Ok lang naman gumastos siya pero wag niya kami gigipitin pag may kailangan kami. kasi food lang at diaper ang binibigay niyang allowance per month.
I'm so furious. I just want slap his face when he comes home. What am i gonna do? Please help me. coz seriously, if there's no way of changing him. I'm going to leave him. for good.

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« Last Edit: January 19, 2020, 02:12:06 am by Parentchat Admin »
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Planet Baby

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #1 on: December 20, 2011, 11:50:17 am »

Sis, mahirap magpakasal sa isang taong marami kang issues, kasi pag napuno ka na at gusto mo nang kumawala, masyadong mahirap, matagal at magastos ang mga proseso.

At saka sis, pag kinasal kayo, mas marami ka pang ugali na madi-discover sa hubby mo. :-)

If ako ang nasa kalagayan mo, mas mabuti pang single na lang muna ako. If nagbago na sya at he still wants to pursue me at may feelings pa ako sa kanya then ok lang. Lalo ka na sis bata ka pa.
Ngayon nga natatawa ako pag nasasalubong ko yung guy na sobrang iniyakan ko, kasi wala na ngang feelings. Minsan kasi pag bata tayo, akala natin, sya na talaga ang para sa atin.

Pero, at the end of it all, ikaw pa rin sis ang magdedecide.

« Last Edit: December 20, 2011, 11:52:11 am by Planet Baby »
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CIB

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2011, 03:17:29 pm »

Naku talaga yang mga basketball stuff na yan!  :P  ::)

Hubby is like that also, shoes naman. Nitong medyo late na lang this year nag sink in sa kanya na pamilyadong lalake na sya. And our daughter is turning 3 late sya halos ng kulang-kulang 2 years  ::) There were 2 incidents na gusto ko syang ihagis talaga sa labas ng bintana for throwing a tantrums on me dahil hindi niya mabili yung sapatos na gusto niya. Hello! buong sweldo niya yung halaga ng sapatos. Kailangan ko pa ipaintindi sa kanya na hindi na sya binata. Hindi na tulad ng dati. Kasi may iba ng priority. And those things now is something na pinag-iipunan na. Hindi na porke nakita niya pwede na bilhin agad. Hindi naman yun parang candy lang sa tindahan. He would give-in to me pero I would feel his resentful mode for weeks. Feeling deprived sya and it's not a good feeling for me.

Until I read a book on how to deal with it and I applied it. The book say's Let him be! To accept him for who he is. Kasama lahat pati mga kasamaan ng ugali niya.  I know very eyebrow rising talaga. But I tried and at the end I got what I wanted. He realized those things on his own. What's important and what's not. To choose responsibility over sa mga kinasanayan niya or mga luho niya. Kasi alam ko hindi ko talaga sya mababago. Then prayers lang for him. I remember when he got the shoes he's really wanting for so long because I already give-in, our daughter was two weeks short of milk. Dahil good for 1 week lang yun milk na nabili ko. He saw that and as a provider pinabayaan ko lang sya. I keep mum kahit nagagalit ako. I saw him struggled for extra money to provide pero hindi ako nanumbat. Kaya mula nun never na ako nagkaroon ng issue sa kanya about things like this. And he only used the shoes for several times sa games niya. Trade niya ng iba shoes sa mga tropa niya. Feeling ko ayaw niya na makita.

Pero mas mahirap yung sa iyo sis dahil hindi niya nakikita first hand yung epekto ng mga actions niya sa buhay nyo mag-ina. Ngayon ko nga lang din nare-realize na as wife kailangan pala talagang malawak na malawak yung isip mo (Dapat kasing lawak ng universe!) para sa kanila. Lalo na dun sa mga lalakeng parang walang alam sa pinasok nila. Para kang may isa pang pinapalaking anak. Paulit-ulit na pasensya until they realize na big boy na sila. At ang mga big boys hindi na dapat naglalaro masyado ng mga "toys".

Bow!  :D
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momma_33

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #3 on: December 20, 2011, 03:32:22 pm »

very well said sis CIB! but i doubt if i have the patience as elastic as yours hehe... ang bait mo sis.
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CIB

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #4 on: December 20, 2011, 04:04:41 pm »

Sa anim na taon sis medyo nag ma-masteral na rin ako sa pagka-pasensyosa  ;D  Iba na kasi pag may anak na di ba? I think na lang it's either mag snap ako or I let him grow-up. Ganun di ba? Gusto mong matuto lumakad anak mo kahit masakit makita na nadadapa sya. Kasi kahit ituro mo sa kanya lahat to make it safe somehow they are a person thier own. Na may sariling isip na gumawa ng desisyon para sa sarili nila. Ayaw mo man o gusto mo.

And i guess napagdaanan ko na kasi mula sa maliit na gadgets niya hanggang sa mga malaki na talagang pinoproblema ko dati na sumuko na rin ako until I read Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood. Meron pa ngang motorsiklo na kasabay tong sapatos na to. Sagot sa akin nung ask ko bakit sya bibili? "Kasi lahat ng kasama ko sa work meron ng motor eh." Nakakaloka di ba?  ;D At alam kung gagawa sya talaga ng paraan para makabili. Buti na lang napagalitan ng mil ko.
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kissablesam

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #5 on: December 20, 2011, 04:17:04 pm »

nako sis babyblair the fact that he can splurge that kind amount of money just for a shoes means HE and will never be a MATURE man in your relationship, god. sakin nangyari yan, world war 2. let alone diapers & other things. but vaccines? eh kung sya kaya ang magkasakit? dapat minsan pakitaan mo din sya na you dont care about him para magtanda! pasensya na mga sis,. minsan kase nakakapagod na yung "pagpapasensyahan" nalang natin "sila" palage. kase hindi one way ang relasyon, hindi porke babae tayo, tayo ang dapat umunawa at laging umunawa. I am in a happy relationship pero galit ako sa mga lalaking "buhay at astang BINATA" pa din kahit "MARRIED or may ANAK na"

sometimes sis you have to show him something para maisip niya na may responsibilidad na sya.

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momma_33

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #6 on: December 20, 2011, 04:17:32 pm »

sis saan mo nabili ang Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood na book?
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kissablesam

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2011, 04:21:47 pm »

^ i have it on my file now, please pm me your email address il send you :) this was sent by sis CIB sobrang helpful niya :D
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CIB

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2011, 04:28:09 pm »

E-book yun sis. Forward na lang sayo ni sis kissablesam  ;D
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momma_33

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #9 on: December 20, 2011, 04:35:20 pm »

Excited na ako sis, mahilig din kase ako magbasa eh.
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babyblair

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #10 on: December 20, 2011, 08:22:13 pm »

planetbaby - naku, isa pa yan. in 3 weeks time ikakasal na kami. pano to? ang dami ko talagang issues sakaniya

as in nandon na yung thought na ayoko na talaga., pero titignan ko. since sa jan.5 uwi na siya baka pag nagkausap kami or within a week e magbago yung nararamdaman ko at yung doubts ko.. dami na kasi niyang palya sa buhay. kaya pag nag-counselling kami. sana ma-heal lahat. or atleast my pag-asa.
sa totoo lang, future na lang ni blair ang iniisip ko.
nambabae, nagkasala na sakin
ginigipit sa vaccine si blair - nagkasala sa anak namin.

sobrang wala na ko rason. haii. God help me :(


CIB - sis alam ko yang e-book na yon. di ko lang natapos at feeling ko maayos naa kami noon. feeling ko lang pala talaga. hirap kasi ng magkalayo, kaya totoo yan. naisip ko din baka kasi dahil don. reality havent hit him.
babasahin ko na nga ulit.
abusive kasi sya. bumili siya iphone, ok lang. bumili ng DSLR ok lang din. bumili accessories ng DSLR ok lang tutal mapakikinabangan namin in the long run. pero yung sa basketball at na-tripan mo lang. kaya din talaga wagas ko siyang i-curse kahapon  sobra as in sobra.

eto nanaman po ako. talagang haynako!

kissablesam - sis, hini shoes. relo. relo na 16k. relo lang.ughhh. sa akin nga talagang ok lang basta wag niya kami gigipitin. eh hindi e. gusto niya lhat ng pera niya sakaniya na. tapos nung sabi ko magwork na lang ako, ayaw naman pumayag. baka daw kasi magkaroon na ko ng iba paglumabas na ko ng bahay,  SAHM kasi ko.

tsaka sis, alam mo ba. 1 week ko hindi pinakita si blair sakanya. luha siya ng dugo pero nagmatigas ako. tapos ending nagpadala din.
at kahit ganon. hindi nakakatuwa kasi, hindi ko dapat ipinpilit yon at hinihingi. dapat nagkukusa siya.

masyado siya talaga. kaya pag-uwi niya sisentensyahan ko to. pero bago yon. paano ba ang gagawin ko pagdating niya. how do i tell or how do i show that he needs to change?
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Mommy France

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2011, 08:38:17 am »

First time niyang makakasama si Blair di ba?
Let him do the grocery at pagbayad sa mga expenses habang andito kayo.
Pakita mo sa kanya yung reality. Hayaan mo mag-sink in sa kanya. Di kasi siya yung humaharap sa cashier at doctor at kung ano man. Yung tipong yung laman ng wallet niya sakto lang.

Hindi naman tayo nagpapakasal sa isang tao dahil perfect siya at wala siyang flaws. We choose to be with someone kasi we want to be part of their lives and be their "better" half.

Focus on the better kasi more is expected from the women. Tayo talaga nagdadala.
Tama yung sabe ni CIB, you have to let him decide to change on himself. You cannot force him to understand or see things the way you do. Kasi he'll take it against you. Mahirap masumbatan na "dahil sa'yo hindi ko na magawa yung mga gusto ko". So kailangan gustuhin niya yung pagbabago.

Mahirap talaga yung situation na magkalayo kayo so magdasal ka na pag andito siya, makapag-usap kayo ng masinsinan. Para makita mo how he see things.

I think it's very early for us to say na hindi na siya magbabago.
If you think na abusive yung relationship ninyo then kailangan talaga makapag-counselling kayo.
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Bad things may happen to me, but I will always come out of it with my head up high. Why? Because I know that I did the things I can control the right way. And the things I can't control, I leave it up to God's will.

LLLA

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2011, 09:44:42 am »

ito din prob ko sa HB ko.. super buy ng expensive shoes, watch, etc..
Hays!  >:( ako naman ang todo budget for our family's expenses..It's upsetting kasi when I tell him to minimize buying these things.. he would take it negatively.. :'(

Super materialistic/shopaholic pa siya kesa sakin.kakainis.  :-\
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kissablesam

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2011, 10:03:55 am »

ai sorry sis babyblair :)

tama yun sinabi ni mommy france, agree ako dyan.

whats best If i may add, is as soon as dumating sya. show HIM what HE must do. wag yung ikaw yung kikilos para sa lahat sa kanya, hindi pa naman kayo mag asawa diba? mahirap kase magpakasal ngayon, we really cant guarantee lifetime commitment to marriage. sabi sa napanood ko kahapon, "hindi mo sya pinakasalan para baguhin sya, pinakasalan mo sya kase tanggap mo kung ano sya" sa Kasal Kasali Kasalo yan sis hehe

Siguro, dapat seat with him. a day after he arrived here, talk to him in a most nice way that you can. & stress everything you want to say. sabihin mo sa kanya, patapusin niya lahat ng sasabihin mo kase pag sumagot sya that will lead sa sagutan...

grabe daddy ni blair sis.. sana lang nga mag sink in sa kanya kung ano talaga ang responsibility niya sa inyo
at sana, sa counseling nio matuto sya..

wish you all the best sis!
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buuurp

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Re: He's still living like a Bachelor.
« Reply #14 on: December 21, 2011, 03:15:12 pm »

teka pasali, magbackread ako pagdating ko opis, ganda ng post ni CIB baka maapply ko sakin dahil ubos na pasensya ko at di ko na alam nararamdaman ko para sa kanya, pero ang alam ko lang kailangan ko kayanin to para sa baby namin.

Babyblair ur gonna get married na pala, id say pagisipan mo muna, pwede naman iurong kung di ka decided. Di naman sya mawawala kung para sainyo sya ni blair talaga. Kasi sa totoo lang mahirap magpalaki ng anak plus ASAWA, na hindi pa nagsisink in na pamilyado na sya. Sobra, at kapag kasal na kayo wala nang take two, wala nang bawian or cancel, mahal at mahirap ang process ng annulment kaya dapat ikaw sa sarili mo ready ka na tanggapin syang ganyan sya, yan lagi pinapayo sakin, na pinasok ko to, kaya tanggapin ko. Hugs. Pray ka lang.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2011, 03:21:52 pm by buuurp »
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Sometimes, its not that people change…you just find out who they really are.
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