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Author Topic: A Very Effective, Yet Simple Approach to Dealing with Our Kids!  (Read 7263 times)

SuperMom888

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A Very Effective, Yet Simple Approach to Dealing with Our Kids!
« on: February 22, 2012, 01:51:50 pm »

Here's something very important I'd like to share with all mommies out there.

I recently attended a seminar on COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR TEENS. But this generally applies to all... so share, share, share! I've tried it out and it worked from the very first time I tried it!

I attended this seminar with questions like, how will I make my daughter listen? How do I mold her into this God-centered, respectul, diligent, etc, etc. young lady that I want her to be? I am truly challenged by the onset of her teenage years...  and I have zoned in too much on her, figuring ways on how I can fix her up... all that answering-back, all that questioning about God's existence and being an atheist, all issues left and right.

Then that seminar by CEFAM had it right in my face.  It is not about our children. It's about US parents! What should we do to change our own ways so that they will respond to us favorably... ?

And the key is to LISTEN -- To listen and understand with the heart. What are they saying? What are they feeling? Acknowledge that feeling. Identify that  feeling and share that empathy with your child.

I have been all too preachy and I haven't been listening to her at all! And all i wanted was for her to listen to me?! That was not going to happen that way.


REFLECTIVE LISTENING means we help them map out their own solutions. So the first time my daughter got really cross and snappy after that seminar. I tried not getting mad and scolding her for it. Instead, I tried to put myself in her position... why was she feeling such anger? Why was she so upset? Then, i started with my opening lines... "It seems like you are so upset with..."  And before I knew it, she was spilling the beans, with all the details... I just listened and heard her out. When she was done ranting (and take not, I never butt in and I never contradicted anything), she stopped and said, "Mom, thanks for listening..."

It was a relief for her to have vented everything out. Afterward, she started talking about what she thought she had to do next about the situation. She mapped out her own solution! And I though it sounded all perfect. Then it was such a relief for me too. She just found her BESTFRIEND in me :)

Now I am enjoying the blooming and unfolding of my little angel... always remembering that
"we are unfolding our children, not molding them."

Wonderful, wonderful children! :)



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ahyzeyuh

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Re: A Very Effective, Yet Simple Approach to Dealing with Our Kids!
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2012, 02:26:48 pm »

nice one..

respect begets respect- samething about listening and understanding
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Mommy Jazz

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Re: A Very Effective, Yet Simple Approach to Dealing with Our Kids!
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2019, 11:04:27 am »

Read it on Smart Parenting.
Parenting Experts Share Secrets to Raising Kids Who Will Lead Happy, Successful Lives

Click this link:
https://www.smartparenting.com.ph/parenting/real-parenting/parenting-experts-secrets-raising-kids-happy-successful-nankid-adv-con?ref=parentchat

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Macy Rae Pabandero

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Re: A Very Effective, Yet Simple Approach to Dealing with Our Kids!
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2019, 10:53:55 am »

I'm a mom of ten children. Age ranges from 23 - 4 years old. I can really relate to this post. We must remember that we shouldn't be just moms to them but we must be our children's bestfriend. If they feel that they have people with whom they can trust inside their home they wouldn't feel the need to look for other places and other people to open up their hearts with. People close to us say that we're just like brothers and sisters. We joke around, we sing together, we dance together, they put on my make-up, they fix my wardrobe. Also we should set good examples to our kids. WE can't just say "don't spend too much time on your gadgets" when they can see that we are spending hours on our own gadgets. And more importantly, always pray for our children that may grow up to be the way that God has designed them to be and that is in His own image and likeness. We can't look after our kids 24/7 but we have a great God who can take care of them.
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