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Author Topic: unexpected complications  (Read 3102 times)

kissy_amore

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unexpected complications
« on: August 19, 2012, 07:45:30 pm »

Let me start with my story.. It may be long but please bear with it.

My bf and I have been dating for almost 8 years. I'm 25 and his 26. Both finished college. I have a job helping the family business, while he's still looking for one. We already talked about getting married next year. I thought everything was going well. Then I got pregnant.

The boyfriend:
Letís face it. Unplanned pregnancy can really be a shocker.. Even I was. At first he was not as supportive as he should be. So I asked if heís really happy and he said yes so I guess it was the shock and the pressure since he doesnít have a job. There was even a time that he chose to go to the dentist instead of accompanying me cause he said I can handle it on my own.. Call it female intuition but you can feel that heís not ready. It got to the point that I got really mad that I threatened to break up with him and that he will not see me or his baby if he doesnít change. I felt really alone especially since no one knows about it yet. I didnít even know how to tell my parents since weíre still not married and he didnít even offer for a civil which I donít mind paying provided heís the one who ask for it.

The parents:
His mom just returned from states for a vacation here. He told his parents first and the answer he got was "andyan na yan. Wala na tao magagawa at wala tayong pera" Which really surprised me.. Cause that was the same thing she said when she learned that we were dating and that was 7 years ago minus the money part.. But I didn't mind, maybe it's just how she reacts.. One time I dropped by his place and his mom was there. You can really feel her ďcoldĒ welcome and even makes sure you know. Then I asked him what their plan was now that his family knows and he told me that they are just waiting for my family's response.

Then we told my parents.. In fairness to him he was there to break the news to my family. My parents didn't get mad but I can see that they were sad. They're condition is for us to get married in the church. And that his parents must come to talk and settle things. It really made me happy that my parents took it better than expected. I thought everything will finally be settled. Our wedding will be earlier than planned but itís alright since Iíve always been dreaming of the time weíll have our family.

He relayed my parentsí condition to his parents. Lo and behold. His mom's answer was that they don't have any money. And that he entered this mess and he should be able to get out of it. Personally I don't believe it. I know life in the states is no bread and butter but no money.. at all? Wow. She just bought a new computer set and goes shopping like twice a week, and even goes to their land in Batangas for a swimming weekend. And to top it all they didn't even bother to have the decency to talk to my parents.

After everything thatís happened I donít want to get married anymore. It hurts a lot. I never knew that his parents still didn't approve of me.. Itís not like Iím some random stranger his son knocked up. I also want to know that he is someone I can count on and will be there all the way through. But I canít do that anymore. Thereís no turning back now.  Heís not allowed to see me or the baby unless we get married. And I donít want to deprive him of his rights as the father of my child especially since his trying his best to find a job so he can save for the baby and the wedding. I wish I can find another job but I donít think people will hire me while Iím pregnant so Iím in need of my parents help.

Pregnancy should be a happy time.. And right now it's only a dream for me.

Mommies feel free to share your stories.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2012, 07:49:06 pm by kissy_amore »
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einie

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Re: unexpected complications
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2012, 11:26:32 pm »

You can still be happy with the fact that you're having a bigger blessing coming (that's enough reason for you to stop moping and go on with your life with your baby) and also, for the acceptance your family has given you. Imagine how difficult it would be without their support. Goodluck and focus on the baby and yourself!
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HappyMommyAdventures

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Re: unexpected complications
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2012, 11:35:49 pm »

i feel your pain and truly understand what you're going through. it may sound cliche and easier said than done but it's best to focus on your baby. first time pregnancy happens only once and learn to embrace it fully. enjoy it while it lasts :)
whether planned or unexpected, a child is and will always be a blessing.
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I write about my experiences. Find out more about me and my wonderful journey through Pregnancy and Motherhood at: http://happymommyadventures.blogspot.com

kissy_amore

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Re: unexpected complications
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2012, 05:51:43 pm »

can you truly say that you're happy? Thankful, yes definitely. It is a blessing and a treasure. As of now, I'm just focusing on my baby.. or pregnancy rather.  :)
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chococream

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Re: unexpected complications
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2012, 07:40:05 pm »

not all marriage is successful that started with a great and well planned wedding even those that are very accepted. there are also some marriages that are successful inspite of cold shoulder, no pamanhikans and etc from the parties. The bottom line is both of you are willing to walk an extra mile on your responsibility. This is a wake up call for you (POV) on how he can stand up on his own two feet and work on his own two hands on how you both can be fed and clothe as a family. this is your bf's trial also on how he is as a father, and the future husband.

madami naman sis that are still shocked. if your bf dont have work this may be stressed, pressure and plus the un inspiration from his parents on how he should handle this situation. may i suggest that lay low and focus alone first on your pregnancy and leave him alone to sort his mind. he will surely go so many outings and parties para maglibang ganyan so far ang mga na overwhelm na future dad's that inspite of financially ready or not they are not emotionally ready to handle the FATHER role for the child.

make him do his thing. i know its hard for now, just pray and have faith. kasi sis no matter how you try to do anyting for your bf or for what is right for you if its not meant to be it wont happen at all.
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gandangmorena

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Re: unexpected complications
« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2012, 11:32:32 am »

I am so PROUD of you! Kasi kahit na ganun ang nangyari hindi mo pina.abort ang bata. Applause to you sis! Alam ko magiging mahirap but do not let this disappointment to your ex-bf and ex-MIL (to be) a hindrance para magkaroon ng magandang buhay. There is a child in your womb right now, that needs care and love. Be strong & prove to the world that you can do it. Beside kapag nag.give birth ka na your child will be your strength. God bless you.
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annamariemomof3

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Re: unexpected complications
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2012, 05:41:16 pm »

You're already 25, you're an adult, alam mo na what is right for you. Besides it's 2012 there's really no reason to get married just because you're pregnant. Nowadays you can earn money even at home try that so you don't have to depend sa parents mo para di kana rin nila madiktahan. Just assert you're independence magtampo man yan sa una eventually di ka rin matitiis. Wag mo rin ipagkait sa bf mo anak nyo kasi di Lang siyamasasaktan pati bata. Kung pera lang issue merun naman kasalang bayan, probably not what a girl dreams about pero a wedding is just one day a marriage a lifetime. Kung gusto mo naman ng bonggang kasalang di maghintay kana lang na makaipon kayo. Besides do you really want to walk down the aisle with a huge tummy?
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