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Author Topic: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...  (Read 11712 times)

annamariemomof3

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nowadays with FB it's so easy to keep in touch with people from every part of your life. pero sometimes i feel embarassed to keep in touch kasi most of them are very successful in their fields na being doctors and lawyers and wives of business tycoons. but me i am a SAHM, don't get me wrong i like staying at home with my kids but i can't help minsan na mainggit sa kanila because they have been around the world while i have not even left luzon, I barely even leave the house. they have their huge houses and fancy cars while i don't have a cent to my name. i sometimes peek at their fb accounts, gathering the nerve to hit add as a friend but i can't help but see how amazing they look and how i have aged considerably as i have battled with depression. there are times when i just want to crawl under a rock. but i know my kids deserve better than a mom who hides from the world...

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« Last Edit: January 10, 2018, 11:58:04 pm by Mommyjazz »
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hanne

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2013, 08:52:39 pm »

sis, you should never feel bad about the decisions you've made esp if that decision is the best possible one for your kids. hulaan ko marami sa mga HS classmates mo na yan either walang asawa or walang anak pa or may anak nga pero nasa puder ng grandparents or inlaws? ganun kase sa situation ko.

minsan nakaka dishearten nga, na yung mga classmate ko nun na wakwents sila ang nasa US, ang may BMW and may mansion, ang mga doctor at kung ano-ano pa. ako nagttrabaho sa call center. pero iniisip ko naman, I was able to afford my own house, I'm able to financially support my family and send my sibs to college, i'm able to support my daughter wholly kahit single mom ako. all that and i don't need to rely on a rich husband (hinde naman lagi pero may mga kilala akong ganun na nga), i don't need to rely on my parents to care for my child, more than anything hinde ko kelangan mangibang bansa, I see my daughter every day kahit pumapasok ako. magkatabi kame matulog pag weekends. since she was born twice pa lang siya hinde natulog with me.

yan ang priceless! so if and when you feel bad, isipin mo kung ano naibibigay mo sa mga anak mo. don't dwell on what you don't have.  ;)

sana nakatulong ng onti...
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Mommy France

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2013, 10:16:38 am »

The best advise I can give you is to stop comparing yourself with anyone.
We all have our own battles, we own have our own trials.
Yung nakikita sa FB - superficial lang yun kasi hindi naman lahat pwede mong sabihin sa FB at mai-share publicly.

Go take a hobby. Be good at something not to please anyone or para masabi na may narating ka at may importante. Do it for yourself.

Hope these quotes will make you feel better



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J0

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2013, 01:12:47 pm »

Kakainggit ka ha...for being a Stay-At-Home-Mom (serious ako).

Wish ko maging Stay-At-Home-Parent!  I've been working full time in an office for about 11 years now.

How I wish I could just stay at home and have more time for taking care of my family and doing the chores.... 

I hope other people, especially husbands, would also discover the real joy and fulfillment...even the healing and therapeutic aspect of being a home maker.

That image portrayed by popular culture, modern living...profit-oriented, money-driven consumerism...is false...it's a deceiving mirage...making us think that there're real relationships formed and there're lasting pleasures with getting so hooked with technology, media, gadgets, social networking, text messaging, alcohol drinking , pornography and all the material things of this world!

You're on the right track annamariemomof3!  May God always bless you for choosing such a noble vocation...being a Mom.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2013, 02:33:58 pm by Daddy Jojo »
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Mommy Jazz

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2013, 01:55:21 pm »

I've seen it on GMA news and I have been trying to search for a video or written news about it to share on this thread pero wala akong makita so iku-kwento ko nalang.
It was featured na mahigit sa 60% ng mga FB users are  like you (and me) na nade-depress kapag nakikita yung status and achievements ng mga ka-network nila.  I wish I can repeat the exact words mentioned on the news feature but it goes something like this:
"The way one rates one's self is mostly based on how he/she compares him/herself with other people." The survey shows that not all FB users are happy. In fact, there is an alarming ratio of FB users who would feel bad about themselves after seeing the travels, beauty and achievements of their friends.
But here's a known fact. "Nobody airs their dirty laundry in public." They are not as perfect as you think.
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preciouslara

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2013, 03:20:29 pm »

Nobody airs their dirty laundry in public." They are not as perfect as you think.

super agree kay Mommyjazz, hindi lahat ng nakikita and pinopost sa fb ay totoo...@anamariemomof3, mommy dont feel bad about yourself, its ok to be SAHM, im like you,at times i feel like wanted to join the work force again to earn my own income,additional money source for us etc..and its been long time na SAHM ako, pero hubby really doesnt want since he's working abroad and wanted na atleast one of us is tutok sa kids so i just obey him, so when i look at my old colleagues fb account, i just admire what they have accomplished but never envy them, for i am also successful on my chosen profession and that being a SAHM ;)...just look at the positive side mommy para you wont feel bad about yourself.. HTH
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J0

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2013, 03:46:40 pm »

Sa Facebook, it seems that nakahanap ng venue ang mga may need for affirmation...pero, will any feeling of contentment or pride be genuine and lasting?  Ako rin naman, I admit, nakakaramdam din ng ganito...na parang masarap ibalandra sa mga dating classmates na "eto na ako ngayon" at somehow curious na malaman, "uy, mukhang asenso na si..." But will all these lead to any really satisfying feeling...or Facebook is simply making money out of all of this?

Social Media is still media...the communication goes through an electronic medium...however interactive and visual it maybe...it's still not a direct person to person interaction.  Everything is filtered through the technology.  The facial expressions, the tone of voice...every detail of a communication, even the tiniest bit...contributes to the totality of a message.  Nothing would ever come close to the real face to face communication.  Those that go through social media are fleeting and will always be lacking.  In fact, "electronically mediated" communication may even create a vacuum...kung sa text chat ng FB mo lang nakakausap ang isang tao...baka mas lalong ma-feel mo na parang wala ka naman talagang nakausap...kasi di mo naririnig, nakikita, nahahawakan...naamoy!

Hi  Mommyjazz

Thanks for sharing about that news article.  I searched for it but can't view it now, since some site are blocked here at work.

Is Facebook envy making you miserable? | SciTech | GMA News
www.gmanetwork.com ... SciTech Social Media
ShareJan 23, 2013 Witnessing friends' vacations, love lives and work successes on Facebook can cause envy and trigger feelings of misery and loneliness

Is Facebook envy making you miserable? - Yahoo! News
news.yahoo.com/facebook-envy-making-miserab... - United States
Jan 22, 2013 LONDON (Reuters) - Witnessing friends' vacations, love lives and work successes on Facebook can cause envy and trigger feelings of misery ...

'Facebook Envy' Leaves People Frustrated | Watch the video ...
news.yahoo.com/.../face... - United States 23 Jan 2013
Watch the video 'Facebook Envy' Leaves People Frustrated on Yahoo! News . Researchers at two German ...
« Last Edit: February 14, 2013, 03:49:19 pm by Daddy Jojo »
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mami che

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2013, 05:32:10 am »

hi sis annamariemomof3!

i, too, am a SAHM for 7 years now.
ganun din ako nung umpisa... i feel belittled when i saw how successful my HS classmates are. some has titles already, big houses, nice cars, always travelling within the country and abroad as well... kahit yung mga hindi masyadong active sa school before, magugulat ka coz they now have successful careers outside the country. kaya there came a time that i want to go back to work so i can meet big people and travel again but kahit madaming attempts, mas matimbang pa din ang career ko as a housewife kaya im still here busy with my kids & hubby :) while some are 'mayabang' with what they achieved, ako din mayabang with what i am & what i have now... yun naman ang pinaka greatest achievement ng isang tao - the family that you & your husband created... yung iba nga, walang kids kaya yung car or iphone 5 na lang ipagyayabang nila... everytime i bumped to HS friends/classmates and ask me "saan ka na ngayon", i reply with a smile "fulltime housewife na ko ngayon" and you know whats their reaction "buti ka pa...if i only have a way, gusto ko din maging housewife na lang".... kaya we're very lucky pa din sis... coz ang career natin is priceless ;) in our modern world today, sa dami at taas ng expenses, konti na lang ang housewife... kaya im really proud of my hubby kasi he can provide ;) o di ba sis? :)
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sweet&spice

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2013, 06:22:34 am »

^i actually agree with mami che and daddy jojo. if i can have my own way, i'd rather just stay at home with my kid, to make sure he grows up well and balanced. i remember back in college, my classmate said when she heard about my desire to be a stay at home mom, she said, she could not imagine me, wanting to do that, because i look like career-oriented (dami ko naman kasing extra curriculars nun), but i said, given a very financially stable husband, ok lang to give up career. i find it more fulfulling. if i were to have a job, it is just to complement or enrich me, and not stress me, that it is what is needed to support my family.

you have blessings you don't know you have. it's just a matter of perspective. true, nakaka-inggit yung lives ng iba sa fb, sa kwentuhan. i have a couple of classmates that have the life that i imagined, but i couldn't really tell that given the same opportunities/exposure, would i have made the same decisions? we can never really tell, because, ultimately, we are drawn towards what makes us happy, or what our goals are.

we actually don't need a lot of friends, just a few well meaning and trustworthy friends. sabi nga ni Paulo Coelho, do something that you love, and that you wish to come into your life, will come, when you are happy doing what you do. assess what gives you joy and strength and be very good at it, you'll never know if someone is inspired with what you do. :)

we are especially needed to guide our kids, lalo na the adolescents that asserts independence, and yet we know, di pa nila kaya. there is a balance that parents need to make and be aware of. early intervention nga ika nga. we can have all the riches and the accolades, but if the lives of our family, especially, our children are in disarray ---- wala din di ba? di naman natin ma-o-off ang pagiging parent natin sa kanila, even when they get married and have their own families. might as well, ensure that apart from helping them to be their best versions eh, we are there also to help them make the best decisions.

try to be open to new friendships and relationships. try to indulge in a hobby that is strictly not motherly --- like reading. kahit doon, it opens up your mind to new stimulus and expands your knowledge. as mothers who cares for our kids, we are our kids' first idols, we are their first loves. capitalize on that adoration and build a healthy and happy relationship. :)
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vanenie

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2013, 08:15:08 am »

ayan.. may time akong makasaglit ng reply. haha! I am a mom of 2 girls and a SAHM since 2009. it was our decision when we found out I am pregnant and being an engineer who's exposed to various chemicals and work hazards, I think it is just wise to do so. plan namin, after our baby turned 1 y/o e I'd go back, at least find a job na related sa course ko pero hindi naman as hazardous. but it seemed God has other plans for me... Two weeks before our baby was to celebrate her 1st bday, we found out that she is a special needs child. Maraming therapies ang kailangan, since hindi namin afford ang yaya at ayaw rin namin ng husband ko ipaubaya ang pag-aalaga sa kanya sa ibang tao, we decided that I become a full-time, hands on, stay-at-home mom and wife. :)

oo sis, mahirap. hindi lang pag nakikita ko yung mga classmates ko since elem until college sa FB na maging kilala sa fields nila.. lalo na pag teachers ko nung elem ang nagtanong or relatives ko mismo ang magcomment na bakit sa bahay lang ako. I graduated top of our class ng elem, high school naman I got into a prestigious science high school then college, I got into UP. I finished a degree considered to be one of the toughest in our campus. Then I passed the boards after that. Then our baby came into our lives. Kaya ayun. Imagine na lang yung comments ng relatives ko na bakit daw ako nag-asawa agad, hindi ko man lang ba tulungan ang parents ko muna. Or why don't I work again, dahil sayang naman daw ang pinag-aralan ko.

But they will never know what it is like to be in my position. I am sure kung sila ang nasa lugar ko, they will make the decisions I made. Ganun lang talaga, kanya-kanyang buhay yan. :) And yes, I am so thankful that my husband can afford to support my needs and my kids' needs, especially since may extra needs nga ang firstborn namin.

kaya cheer up sis.  hayaan mo lang sila :) for all we know, they are living a life of pretensions lang. ;)
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annamariemomof3

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2013, 06:27:09 pm »

Wow these messages are really enlightening. Minsan kasi alam ko naman deep in my heart Kung ano Talaga ang gusto ko yun nga Lang kailangan ko ring marinig sa Iba upang mas maging malinaw sa akin. Growing up when asked what I want to be I always answer I want to be a doctor kasi yun ang turo sa akin eh pero I know deep in my heart my greatest dream is to be a mom. In that case di ibig sabihin na achieve ko na dream ko di ba.

@ Hanne  I admire your guts to raise your child on your own and still manage to help your siblings. You have such a big heart.

@ MommyFrance you are so right I should stop comparing myself to others because there will always be someone more beautiful, smarter, richer but there will only be one me and I am perfect just the way I am because God created me this way.

Quote from: Mommyjazz
Nobody airs their dirty laundry in public." They are not as perfect as you think.

So true siyempre best foot forward di ba. So proud din naman when posting pics ng kids ko. One of my parents' old friend even got in touch with me kasi she adores my kids so much even though di naman kami naging close Nung dito pa siya sa pinas. I will look up the story later maybe it will give me a brand new perspective.

@daddyjojo you really are one of a kind. While some dads are busy with sports and their FHM magazines you take the time to help moms like me. And I could tell that you really get what we are going through. They say women are from Venus and men are from mars but you get to live in both worlds, that is truly a gift.

Quote from: mami che
while some are 'mayabang' with what they achieved, ako din mayabang with what i am & what i have now...
that comment made me smile :D. I should really learn how to do that. To hold my head up high and say that I have the most important job in the world and that is being a mom.

@ sweet and spice. Thank you for waking me up from a deep slumber, your comment about not knowing the blessings I have is so true. Kasi before with my eldest I worked at a hospital the first year. I barely had time for him even when he gets sick which is all the time as a consequence even when I am there he still prefers his yaya, hence the decision to stay at home. Yes I am lucky right now that my husband can provide for us so I can be with my kids 24/7.

@vanenie I too studied at science high and up that is why I received so many bad comments when I decided to stay at home. But if you can do it so can I and I respect you for your convictions maybe others will respect me too. I did not have kids so others can raise them. After all I was raised by yayas and that was tough so why would I do that to my kids.

Thanks so much guys. Maybe I should save this posts so I can remember this when I am having a bad day. :-*

« Last Edit: February 15, 2013, 08:07:44 pm by Mommyjazz »
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KVsmommy

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2013, 02:18:35 pm »

sis annamariemomof3: don't worry, you are never alone in your 'predicament', marami tayong SAHM na paminsan-minsan nakakaramdam ng inggit for what others have, what others have achieved, where they've been... normal lang yun. :)

I've been a SAHM/WAHM since 2010, and trust me, I've been on up down up down mode since. May mga times na parang gusto ko bumalik sa workforce dahil lang sa naiinggit ako sa 13th month pay at bonuses. Hehe. Pero everytime na masasagi sa isip ko yung fact na I have to leave my daughter at home, kahit sobrang trustworthy naman ang yaya niya, I just can't. I'm turning 28 this year, I haven't been anywhere abroad, the farthest I've traveled to is Palawan (that was 4 years ago na yata), and there's so much that I still want to achieve... while my classmates, and even those in my barkada have achieved so much - they're managers, EIC of a magazine, etc. etc. They go out whenever they want, they've kept their slim bodies, they buy whatever their heart desires.... Hay, talaga namang di maiiwasan ang mainggit ako...

PERO, tama si Daddy Jojo, how very lucky we are to be a stay-at-home-mom. How very fortunate we are that we get to spend every day and every night building a beautiful relationship with our family, especially our kids. Sabi nga ni hubby, in this day and age, it's a PRIVILEGE. A privilege far more precious than bonuses, cars, out-of-town-trips etc. etc.

You can still feel accomplished naman sis, do stuff that you enjoyed before you became a mom. Watch movies, book shopping (ako pala yon.hehe), or do stuff na you can probably earn from too. If you're good at writing, may mga work-from-home stints na you can take on. If you're artistic, naku go arts and crafts galore! Ang dami sis ng possibilities, especially since you have the ability to make yourself available when necessary. What I do is make sure that I only take in tasks enough to keep me busy, but not TOO busy to attend to my daughter's needs, dahil sya naman talaga ang super priority ko. :)

Life is good, that's what I tell myself every day. Ever since maging SAHM ako, I got to take pleasure even in the simplest of things. Yung tipong makapag-Jollibee lang ako ang saya-saya ko na. I lost a lot of my social life, but I gained so much more in return.

Hats off to fellow SAHMs and WAHMs! :)

Momi ni Gab&Migs

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2013, 08:49:46 pm »

I'm so lucky I've found this thread and read all your very insightful messages mommies and daddy. Like sis annamariemomof3, I have the same feeling whenever I look at the FB of my highschool and college friends... :( But with all the things I heard here, maybe I should not feel bad with my decision to be a SAHM. As all you have said, its a "privilege" to be able to take care of our kids the whole time.  :) Dumadating lang talga yung mga times na feel ko i'm so down, helpless and bored that I want to work again. Yun nga lang with my situation ( I'm in early 30's and SAHM since 2011),Wala din akong matagal na work expeience since I keep changing jobs every 2 years so  I know it would be a lot harder for me to find a work again. Si hubby di naman rin ako pinipilit mag work kasi he is  able to provide naman for our needs. Ako lang talga ang mapilit kasi gusto kong maging "productive". But now I know I should not  "look down " on my self to much for not achieving my " career dreams".

All of these made me realize that  maybe being a SAHM is what really God's plan for me :D
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J0

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #13 on: February 28, 2013, 10:26:25 am »

Actually, aliw minsan tumingin ng FB pictures.  I personally know someone who mixed pictures of her wedding and of a different event on a classy place.  You need to look closely at the picture of the food on the buffet and those in the picture of the bride and groom eating (spaghetti and a drink).  I know the bride on a personal level, particularly her pretentions and her actual financial capacity...so the deception on the pictures simply made her consistent with her offline behavior.

If you are familiar with the people who own the Facebook pictures...oftentimes, you wouldn't feel so envious.  Look how much family pictures we would find in every FB page...or do we only see solo pictures or just one parent with a child/children.

I know one male co-worker who has a lot of pictures of his motocross bike, mountain bike (worth P80k), and his weekend rides with some affluent bikers...and showcasing his new DSLR camera (worth P42k).  But I am aware of all the loans and financial troubles he's into...and how doesn't get much during his payday.



Being a parent who chose to raise children, raise a home...is something to be very proud of...kasi we will be contributing to the humanity, the humaneness of the world.  A lot of people these days have fallen prey and took the bait of materialism and commercialism.

We need more of such parents...who will shape character and good values...hindi yung mga tipong pabaya, na pakalat-kalat sa kalye ang mga anak, o hinahayaan na lang na naaadik sa tablet games at hindi napapaka-magulang.  And to emphasize, being a parent is the responsibility of BOTH the father and mother.

Mommy Jazz

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Re: i feel embarassed to keep in touch with my high school classmates...
« Reply #14 on: February 06, 2014, 03:51:33 pm »

Naging problem ko ito last December when I was invited to a reunion. Feeling old, ugly and poor ako compared to them. I see their FB stats na ang se-sexy at ang gaganda ng mga gamit nila and status.
It was my husband who encouraged me to go, even bought me a sexy outfit to boost my confidence. I did go and enjoyed the event. Hindi naman ako na OP kasi meron ding like me who look older, bigger and (maybe) poorer but it didn't matter that night. Everyone was happy to see each other ano pa man ang status namin.
I read a book about kids in this digital age and it covered about FB and selfies. Selfie is OK but don't overdo it daw kasi it's annoying. Why would you think that the world would want to know your recent material acquisition or  daily new look, unless kulang ka sa pansin since birth.
Maybe that's why I'm way behind in the Selfie bandwagon and that's acually better. Kaya ngayon, hindi na ako naiiinggit.
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