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[sweetpumpkin]

mga mommies help naman po..yung daughter ko 3 yrs old pa lang..masayahin naman sya..naguumpisa nang dumaldal...mahilig sa laro..disiplinado naman..kaso ang problem sa kanya ay medyo maramdamin kapag napapagalitan...sweet ang anak ko..malambing at maharot..pag napagalitan halimbawa sinaway sa ginawa nyang mali..naku eto na..parang aatakihin na sa puso..as in yung iyak niya hindi ngawa ng bata..talagang hikbi..at maghahanap ng kakampi tapos yayakapin niya ito.talagang pag ganun na ang eksena e nadudurog na ang mga puso namen..
isa pa po pagnapapagalitan sya e naweeweewee sya ng wala sa oras. kaya talagang iniiwasan namen na pagalitan sya kasi talagang na ha-heart broken sya ng husto... ano po ba mali? bakit gusto niya magweewee pag ganun na ang scenario na pagnagsabi kami ng "don't do that,it's bad". patulong naman po...what's wrong kaya with my daughter?
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[twelvth_goddess]

Hi sis. I understand your worries. While I was reading your post naisip ko baka hinde lang kase sya sanay na napapagsabihan or baka kase napapahiya sya pag napapagsabihan sa harap ng ibang tao. Pero yung nawiwiwi sya sa takot or iyak ba, I think it's something na ikaka-worry ko din. Maybe you want to ask your pedia for suggestions. Naisip ko kase baka may ibang underlying factors kung bakit umaabot sa ganong klase yung fear niya.

[iamsheymareie]

Ako when I was young, pag pinapagalitan ako ni mom ko, nawewewe din ako sa shorts ko ng bigla bigla. yung akin po kasi takot na takot ako sa kanya kaya sa sobrang takot ko nawewewe na ako sa shortsm maramdamin din po ako nung baby ako. As in sometimes buong araw di ko papansinin yung tao na nag disiplina sakin or nagsaway. I don't know if my connection yun sa heart failure ko hehe til now d ko pa din alam pero talaga yung pag wewe ko is sa takot ko yun

[annamariemomof3]

Different kids have different personalities kaya nga no one can really tell you how to raise your kids. Ikaw adapt mag adjust according to their needs. I have a son na kahit paluin ko na nakangiti pa while his twin brother paswitan mo Lang humahandusay na sa pag iyak. Yung eldest ko when he was a toddler pag mapagalitan nangingitim kasi pinipigilan niya paghinga niya while he cries. But don't let these things stop us from disciplining them. We have to be firm, pag galit galit wala nang bawian. Hindi kailangang sumigaw, di kailangang mamalo, ang ibang bata nakukuha sa tingin. Find out what works best for you. There's no single formula for child rearing trial and error Lang yan. Just remember don't be fooled by their sweet faces, kids are really smart and good at manipulating adults into doing what they want. Really...

[J0]

"don't do that,it's bad". patulong naman po...what's wrong kaya with my daughter?

Have we ever asked, "What's wrong with us?" or "What's wrong with our parenting?" or "What's wrong with the the people or environment to which my child interacts?" ...instead of "What's wrong with my child?"

The behavior of children is the product of our parenting.  In my own honest opinion, they're the last to be blamed about their behavior...especially kung bata pa.

Hi, Mommy sweetpumpkin, pasensiya ka na kung dito ko nae-express ang sentiments ko sa discussion thread mo.  Alam mo kasi, madalas akong nakaka-encounter ng ganitong topic.  Medyo nati-trigger ako at nagiging emotional...may iba kasi nakakarating sa pag-iisip na di normal ang anak nila at patitingnan pa sa Child Psychologist, haay.

Anyway, about your concern:

I suggest that you avoid saying  "don't do that,it's bad".  Dahan-dahan tayo sa pagbibitaw ng salita sa mga bata.  Kailangan maintindihan natin muna sila and from there planuhin nating mabuti ang pagkilos natin.  Unlike us adults, baguhan pa lang ang mga bata sa spoken words o Language, ang mas nage-gets nila ay ang actions at facial expressions natin (non-verbal communication).  I-karir natin ang pagiging magulang...ibig sabihin, mag-ayos tayo sa ating kilos...dahil mas effective lagi ang modelling.  So, ano ba ang "good" o hindi "bad"...we need to show what's good...because...simply saying it in words is the least effective way.

Mommy annamariemomof3
Hindi po effective ang pamamalo sa bata.  Ang natututunan ng bata ay ang mamalo din sa iba.

If a child lives with criticism,
he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.

If a child lives with fear,
he learns to be apprehensive.

- Dorothy Law Nolte, Children Learn What They Live

Child Development: From Birth to 4 years – Social and Emotional Skills –

24 to 48 months: Children at this age gradually learn to internalize the form of the relationship that they experience with their primary caregiver. The form of the relationship that takes place at this stage as well as the types of roles the child will adopt are typically the property of the relationship. It is during these early years that the parent has the greatest amount of influence over how the child will relate to others and how he will feel about himself. If all goes well and the child is supported in his attempts to understand himself in the world the child will develop a secure sense of himself as an individual. Children who aren’t supported may be more fearful and may be unwilling or unable to develop a sense of independence or emotional security. Although their thinking becomes more complex at this age, children are still very limited in their ability to understand social relationships. Typically children at this age appear “egocentric” and are unable to understand that other people may hold a unique and different perspective."

Social And Emotional Theories Of Development - Psychosocial Theory – Erickson

Initiative –vs- Guilt – (3-6 years)
At this stage of development children begin to develop the ability to make their own decisions. In the process they are also learning to develop a sense of accomplishment in the tasks they undertake. As younger children they may have been coming to the realization that they actually have choices. As they enter this new stage children begin to learn how to make decisions and what social and environmental limits they are subject to. In a rudimentary way they are learning to take into account the basic rules that enter into the decision making process. Children who are encouraged to make their own decisions and who are supported in an appropriate manner may develop a sense of accomplishment. If children are unsupported at this stage or if they are subjected to unrealistic expectations or demands they may react by feeling guilty or shameful.

from Child Development and Parenting. Adult Education Curriculum and Notes On Developmental Theory.  Jerry Burbank.

[sweetpumpkin]

hello again... dalawa po kasi silang magkapatid..ang panganay ko is boy na mag-8 yrs old...si panganay po sanay na sya ng napagsasabihan sya..syempre naman po nasa kapilyuhan stage at katigasan ng ulo stage si panganay...si bunso naman (daughter),na-baby namen siguro ng husto..kaya konting "no" ko lang e talaga naman dinadamdam niya. hindi naman po napapalo si daughter kaya yun siguro ang ikinatatakot niya na mapalo sya.
ang hirap minsan kasi super sweet ng daughter ko.. pero pag talagang nagkamali sya,mahirap na hindi pagsabihan...

[MommyGreysi777]

Hello sweetpumpkin.  My daughter is also 3 years old and matampuhin din pagpinapagalitan pero Hindi reason yon na Hindi na siya idiscipline.  Suggest you talk to her privately if she does something wrong and also set the rules as to when you will spank her para Hindi siya agad natatakot. 

[J0]

Isang naging effective sa amin noon, when our daughter passed her stages of being a "Terrible 2" and "Terrorist 3" ay ang piliting kumilos ng normal, at hindi mag-overeact sa bata.

So kahit na anong intense emotions pa ang nae-encounter namin, whether violent, like throwing and breaking things, or nagpapaawa, similar to your case Mommy Sweetpumpkin, like sobrang umiyak hanggang maihi...NEVER GIVE IN.  Huwag magiging over at mapo-provoke na maging disciplinarian mode.

Well, that's still up to you to decide to choose ha.  Ang na-forsee namin na mangyayari niyan kasi, mauulit ang ganyang "modus".  Intense emotion of child -- special reaction/attention of parent cycle.

Sa amin kasi after once or twice nangyari and we simply reacted normally (imagine me not changing my tone of voice, facial expression and body posture...acting very normal...as I pick up the pieces of glass na binasag sa harap ko)...naka-graduate kami sa mga stage na yan and moved on to the next.

Parehas at consistent kami ng mommy niya ng normal reaction.  She's even more skilled at this, having a degree in Behavioral Science and a career in counseling teens and young women

[annamariemomof3]

Ang bata naman as they grow older nagbabago din ng ugali as long as you don't spoil them or give in to them like if they throw a tantrum e should not give what they want just because we no longer know how to deal with them. Dati nung maliit pa yung panganay ko kapag nasa mall kami he would throw tantrums kapag di ko binilhan ng gusto, I am sure you have seen one of those in the malls na humahandusay sa gitna, I just keep walking pretending that everything is normal, sure people are staring, but I am the parent and I needed him to know na Hindi ako madadaan sa pagdadabog, soon enough he realized that I am not going to buy him stuff for bad behavior but I will if he asks nicely and behave well.

[KVsmommy]

sis sweetpumpkin: actually ganyan din ang daughter ko, she's 3 years and 9 months naman, and maramdamin din pag napapagalitan. hindi man sya nawiwiwi, pero grabe makatampo...she runs to her room or hides under a table pag napapagalitan ko sya. Iyak ng iyak, tapos when you ask her why she'll say "Galit mama sa kin". Nalulungkot ako actually, kasi feeling ko dinibdib niya na napapagalitan sya. Kaya lang, in my experience din, if I let her get her way all the time, naku e baka maging super brat naman. Nag-iisa lang kasi sya, so I guess she knows na we can give in to her. So I really have to be firm as much as possible.

What I do sis is pag nageemote na sya, I let her be. As in deadma. Once I hear na napagod na sya kakaiyak (may silent pause na eh), I'll talk to her gently and explain to her why sya napagalitan and that Mama's not really angry, but that what she did was not right. I also keep on telling her na pag napapagalitan sya, not to sulk in a corner and cry. Work in progress pa din naman sya, pero natututo na din makinig, and napapansin ko lately when she does something na alam niya papagalitan sya (like that one time na nilagay niya yung hand niya sa glass of water na iniinom niya), lalapit sya sa kin at aamin and will say "I'm sorry mama" and then she'll tell me why she did it.  

(OT: Slightly nakakainis yung mga nagsasabing para daw hindi maging spoiled ang bata, gumawa na ng kasunod. Like that's the only way. Haller, ang panganganak at pagkakaron ng anak hindi basta-basta. Kaya nga pinagplaplanuhan.)

Though siempre may mga times na she's suuuuuuper kulit, and I can't help but give her the 'galit na ako stare', and yes, I admit, napapalo ko sya (pero mahina lang, hindi painful) minsan, though very rarely lang naman. I have to agree with sis annamariemomof3 na "Different kids have different personalities kaya nga no one can really tell you how to raise your kids. Ikaw adapt mag adjust according to their needs. " We can share what we do with our kids, pero I don't think it's our call to tell you na 'ay mali yan' or 'no don't do that' - no one knows your children better than you do, so ikaw din ang may best way to gauge the kind of disciplining that they should get.


 

[sweetpumpkin]

may good news po..si daughter na matampuhin may improvement na.
pag napagalitan sya,hinahayaan lang namen na magtampo sya. iyak,dabog, she runs to the room..etc..pero pag napagod na sya kasi walang pumapansin sa mga tantrums niya,sya mismo ang kusang lalapit sa amin.
bigla na lang sya manyayakap.siguro narealize din niya na wala ng effect sa amin ang ganung drama.
hay...what's next naman kaya? hihi

[Wilma Florendo-Eco]

May similarity sila ng anak ko, kaya instead na pagalitan ko kinakausap ko nalang sya ng mahinahon. Or kung napagalitan ko na at ang pag-iyak niya ay parang walang katapusan na, niyayakap ko sya at ini-explain kung bakit ko sya napagalitan. Titigil na yan sa pag-iyak ay yayakap din sa akin