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Author Topic: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.  (Read 7539 times)

Andon

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I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« on: September 29, 2013, 10:36:23 am »

Hi.  I am 20 years old, Ive finished one college degree in one university in manila and now adding up another year for another degree to take the cpa board exam next year.
Im desperately in need of an advice. I live with my father and sister, my parents are separated.  My dad no longer treats me as his daughter since I had a relationship with a married man. He's not yet annulled, in that case, we cannot be married. As a christian I am deeply depressed. We are in our 5 months now and I really love him. We already had plans after I take the board exam. I am just hoping that someday he could marry me. Then this thing happened. We tried to help ourselves but we just cant. Its too hopeless. Now, I am 3 weeks pregnant and I think my world is starting to fall apart. Ive had lots of suicidal thoughts before but now all I cant think is my child. I cant hurt him/her. Please tell me there's still hope. God bless you.
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hollabackgirl

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2013, 07:00:51 pm »

Hi sis.. Sorry to say this ha pero I think hindi na tama na kumabit ka pa sa married man lalo na ngayon preggy ka mas magiging malala ang situation. Think about the family na pwede mng masira. At 5 months plng pala kayo. Don't ever think na he will leave his family for just another woman. I think you should break up with him bago pa lumalala situation.pero syempre need nyang sustentuhan yng baby m.

May kilala ako married na and had an affair with another woman. Ngka baby sila at puro promises ang guy na mgpapa anull sya etc. to be with her.pero never nangyari.in the end , ang other woman lang ang kawawa.

Habang maaga pa sis just do the right thing.alagaan m nalang ang sarili m at ang baby m. That's the best thing you can do. And if you ever fall in love again, just make sure na you're his one and only. Never kang magiging masaya kapag may kahati ka..
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chabilita09

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #2 on: September 30, 2013, 12:09:06 am »

Hi sis.

Tama yung sabi ni sis hollabackgirl na di okay talaga yung may relasyon ka with a married man.

Kahit na you really do love him, kailangan mong iput aside yung love mo for him kasi nga married pa sya and wala pang annulment. Yun nga lalo na ngayon at preggy ka. It would complicate things more.

Iwas nalang din sa gulo lalo na't nasa first trimester ka palang.

Do whatever it takes nalang for you and your baby. Kasi hindi mo pa naman sure kung talagang magsstay yang guy lalo na't married sya and 5 months palang kayo. Baka ikaw lang din yung binobola nyan.

Plans are only plans hanggang hindi pa nangyayari. Sa ngayon, you cant just hold on to those plans. Be strong for yourself and your baby. Yung sake mo and baby mo nalang iprioritize mo ngayon kasi yang sa guy anytime pwede magbago yan lalo na't may sabit siya.

God bless sayo sis. Im sure all would be well eventually.
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Errych

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #3 on: September 30, 2013, 08:50:29 am »

I'm not saying this to judge you in any way. Nagsimula kayo sa mali. How sure are you that the guy's marriage is very much entitled for annulment? Baka sinabi lang niya yun to get you. 5 months, i guess, is not enough for you to really know the guy. Baka naman he is still in good terms with his wife. If his intentions are pure, he could have had the annulment first before getting involve with you knowing that you do have plans for yourself too. I understand why your father is acting that way. Try to reach out. Afterall, at the end of the day, sila pa din ang support group mo.

Right now, try to focus more on your pregnancy. Your baby is a blessing. Be strong. Your baby's future will depend on whatever decisions you will make today. Be wise. Pray.  :)
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preciouslara

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #4 on: September 30, 2013, 10:05:35 pm »

well sis, 20 is still a young age, but not that young for you not to know what your doing...nung pinasok mo yung relasyon niyo, simula pa lang for sure alam mo ginagawa mo, but maybe too inlove para malaman kung ano ang tama sa mali...alam mo na may asawa na siya, siguro nga hiwalay na, tinanong mo na ba kung gaano na katagal, sa lahat ng sagot niya sayo, pano ka nakasiguro na hiwalay na nga siya?did he bring you to his house to meet his family?not yet annuled,pero inaayos na ba niya or ni wala pa silang finafile na kahit ano for annulment?in that case kasi wala kang kasiguraduhan at wala kang pinanghahawakan...nabuntis ka niya, ano sabi niya?may effort ba siya  to support you in your pregnancy? you have many suicidal thoughts, so i assume hindi na maayos pagsasama niyo...anyway, pregnant ka na,andyan na yan, be strong for you and your baby, its not the end of the world,your family may be disappointed for everything that happens but still, family is a family, no one will understand you more than your family...focus on your pregnancy, after you gave birth you can still pursue your dreams as long as your determined to achieve them...every child is a blessing so be grateful..pray lang din lagi
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Pilyong Husband

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #5 on: October 01, 2013, 01:23:05 am »

before I give my opinion, can you give us more information about the guy? like, How old is the guy and how long has he been married? does he have any kids from his wife? how did you meet him? I'm asking because I do not want to pre-judge the guy in spite of his infidelity.

Definitely, suicide will not solve anything. It will add more pain to whatever your love ones are going thru right now.
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Andon

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #6 on: October 01, 2013, 01:41:30 pm »

Thank you for all the advices. I really do appreciate it a lot.  As to Pilyong Husband, meron silang 3 anak. Nakilala ko sya when I applied for a job. Dapat magttrabaho na kasi. Hindi daw niya tlaga mahal yung wife niya ever since. Accdg to him. Early pregnancy lang din nung college sila kaya napilitan ikasal. I know he's true to me. Ramdam kong mahal niya ko and hindi niya kami papabayaan ni baby. Alam na din daw ng asawa niya. Theyre not living together naman daw kasi dati pa. Long story. We are planning to go abroad and dun magsimula, Alam kong madaming hindi mkakatanggap samin dito.
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bbchiara

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #7 on: October 01, 2013, 03:29:37 pm »

kawawa naman yung 3 kids niya pag nagkataon.. buti dumami ng ganun yung kids niya pero di sila nagmamahalan? if i were you, expect the worst na lang sis, wag ka muna umasa ng di masaktan sa huli... mas dapat mo nga ayusin yung relationship mo sa father mo kasi sure ako, yun talaga Mas nagmamahal sayo, pag di ka tinotoo nung lalaki, sa kanya ka din tatakbo. at kahit totoo pa c lalaki, mas ok na ayos kayo ng father mo
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Andon

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #8 on: October 01, 2013, 09:04:51 pm »

Hi Bbchiara, yes gustong gusto ko ng magkaayos kami ng dad ko. 31 yrs old na si guy, 10 years married sila pero not living together daw kahit dati pa dhil sa magulang ng wife niya.
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chabilita09

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #9 on: October 01, 2013, 11:59:41 pm »

Sis :)

Mend mo muna yung sainyo ng dad mo and mas better din na makilala ka ng side nung guy. I mean there's a formality na ikaw na yung present girl niya sa kids niya. Na kahit papano mapaintindi sa mga anak niya. And i wanna ask din po kung formal na ba yung relationship nyo sa side ni guy? At least alam sakanila yung situation mo diba :)

Pray lang sis. :) update mo kami dito :3
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BabyZ

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #10 on: October 02, 2013, 09:55:46 pm »

Hi sis wag kang magpadalos-dalos sa mga desisyon mo
pag-isipan mo yan ng mabuti.. tanungin mo ng maraming beses yung sarili mo
kung TAMA o MALI ba yang ginagawa mo..
agree ako sa mga sinabi nila sis hollabackgirl, chabilita09, Errych & preciouslara aalis kayo paano yung
tatlong anak niya?! Alam mo naiintindihan ko yung papa mo pinalaki ka niya ng maayos tgnan mo nga nkatapos ka tapos magtatake ka pa ng board exam tpos you'll end up sa ganun na lang
sorry sis ah! di kita gustong ijudge, pero sisirain mo yung pamilya niya
Sa tingin mo ba magiging masaya ka habang buhay kung may nasira at nasaktan kang pamilya?!
20 yrs old ka lang mdami pang mangyayari sa buhay mo..
At yung pgtetempt mo ng suicide mali yan hndi yan yung sagot sa lhat
ng problema

and ayusin mo din yung sa inyo ng papa mo walang ibang makakatulong sayo
kung hindi sila lang.. Pamilya lang ang mkkatanggap at mkkatulong sayo
kahit anong mangyari.. :) sa ngayon isipin mo na lang yung baby mo
Patunayan mu na ng lalaki yang sarili niya bago ka sumama sa kanya..
Hindi magiging tama ang isang mali kung susundan mo pa ng isa pang pagkakamali..
Sobrang mahal mo lang yan si guy kaya ganyan ka.
Ganyan din ako nuon sa sobrang pagmamahal ko sa lalaki naseset-aside ko
na lahat-lahat! Ni wala akong iniisip kung hindi kung ano lang yung
mapagpapasaya sa amin dalawa, hindi ko naisip yung ibang tao lalo na yung
mga malalapit sa akin..

Bago ka gumawa ng desisyon pagisipan mo ng sampung beses o higit pa
at tanungin mo ng maraming beses yung sarili mo
kung TAMA o MALI ba yang ginagawa mo.. kung TAMA o MALI ba talaga yang ginagawa mo.. (advice to sa akin dati)
:) Pray sis talk to God! :) wag puro puso :)
minsan hindi LOVE ang sagot sa lahat hehe..my pinaghuhugutan)
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chabilita09

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #11 on: October 03, 2013, 02:38:17 am »

Ako 20 lang din and im currently pregnant. Buti ka nga tapos na ako hindi pa.

Basta mend things with your dad sis. Kasi family talaga yung pinaka malaking support group na meron ka.
Share ko lang sa side ko, grabe yung interrogation nila sa dad ng baby ko. They really wanna know na talagang may plans for me yung dad ng baby ko. Minsan on my part nakakairita kasi puro tanong pero on the other hand, naiisip kong they just wanna know that i'm in good hands. Disappointed din sila sakin at first kasi nga may past na akong disappointment na nabigay sakanila then ngayon im pregnant at a young age and first pa sa magkakapatid. Considering im the youngest sa amin. Pero in the end, pakita mo lang naman na you're sorry and you want to make up for messing up, they would come along somehow. All we really need is to admit sakanila nagawa natin. Hindi din naman nila tayo matitiis.

Kaya ko natanong sayo na kung alam na ba sa side ng guy, kasi baka sinasabi niya lang sayo yung mga plans niya just for the sake na may assurance kang papanagutan ka niya and yung baby nyo.

Wala lang medyo narelate ko lang sa situation ko ngayon kahit magkaiba tayo ng story, somehow, may parts na pwedeng mairelate.

Sakin ngayon my family wants na nakikita nila yung effort ni partner ko sa pregnancy ko and gusto din nila na mameet yung parents ng partner ko para din malinaw yung usapan. Like my mom said mahirap nga din naman yung puro salita lang. Mas okay yung may actions talaga.

God bless ulit sa pregnancy mo sis. Dito lang kami for you. Isipin mo din number one kakampi mo ngayon si baby mo. :)
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SheIsErika

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #12 on: October 03, 2013, 09:18:52 am »

 Hi sissy, been reading your post and the replies. just want to share mine, been there, done that. somehow pareho tayo ng sitwasyon but i don't want to go into details. but please sis, think first. don't dwell too much sa mga sinasabi nung guy sa'yo na di naman na sila ok nung wife niya and so on and so forth. isipin mo kung ikaw yung wife, masakit diba? kung talagang di na sila ok then let him prove it. before you two share the same roof, dapat legally separated na sila nung wife niya. umabot ng 3 ang anak nila ng di sila ok?? i don't think so. pakaisipin mo sis. in the end ikaw din ang masasaktan at mahihirapan kung di ka magdedesisyon ng naaayon. i'm not judging you, as I've said been there, done that. i really feel for you, sobrang hirap at sakit nyan pero you have to do what is right. kung ikaw talaga ang piliin niya then he must do something para maging maayos ang lahat at kung mahal ka niya talaga alam niya kung ano ang dapat nyang gawin. i'll pray for you.   
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I can never forgive you. You made a fool of me. But you were the best thing that ever happened to me. I guess I owe you something for that.

Andon

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #13 on: October 21, 2013, 01:41:47 pm »

I really do appreciate your thoughts friends. Thank you. If only I could say all the details for you to  understand whats really happening. In my case right now, alam na ng dad ko. Pati ng sister ko and some of my trusted friends. I also had an ultrasound last week. 5 weeks na daw si baby. Dumadalaw naman si dad ng baby ko once a week. Right now kasi busy sya sa bago nyang work, natanggal kasi sya sa dti kaya hndi rin kami naging okay financially kaya bihira makadalaw. Right now ang gusto ng dad ko suportahan niya lang kami. Kung gusto daw niya mgstay sa bahay or dumalaw para maalagaan ako pwd naman daw. I cant even put into words how good my dad is. It makes me cry. Sobrang confused na ko about my moral values whether magsasama kamior hindi. Gusto niya kasing lumayo if ever okay na kami financially. But I kept thinking about his family. I cant be too selfish. Ang sabi naman niya, kahi wala ako, he would never stay with them na din. Dahil nga sa pamilya ng girl. Dinadalaw lang niya yung kids niya to go out during their birthdays. I really dont know what to do. Im having anxiety everyday I cant seem to move on with my life. By the way, thanks for the prayers. I know God hears us. I just want to do the right thing.
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apple11

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Re: I need an advice. I am going to be a teen mom.
« Reply #14 on: October 21, 2013, 10:41:02 pm »

hi sis! all i can say is be strong & don't try to hurt yourself. think of the innocent angel inside your tummy. and your lovable father. iwasan mo din mastress at 10 times ata stressed si baby pag stressed si mommy.
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