In this age of ‘wokeness’, navigating the most balanced parenting style can be challenging. Often, we approach parenting the same way we were parented but every child is unique. What may have worked on you before may not work on your children this time. In search for the right balance, Respectful Parenting comes to mind. When done right, it may be the bridge that would set the path for a child’s success later in life.
Respectful Parenting
In her article published in cnbc.com, author Margot Michel Bisnow wrote that Respectful Parenting was a parenting style that 70 parents of successful children shared in common, their diverse backgrounds notwithstanding. Bisnow is the author of the book Raising an Entrepreneur: How to Help Your Children Achieve Their Dream.
She wrote, “respectful parenting, sometimes called ‘wise parenting,’ involves setting standards and strict rules (e.g., only spending money you earn) while also being respectful of kids’ choices (e.g., letting them choose their own after school activities).” She adds, “When I tell people about the benefits of respectful parenting, they find it surprising and counterintuitive.”
ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOWRespectful parenting allows the child to make choices by placing value on their individuality without dictating what they are curious about and how to express themselves, Bisnow explained. Unlike being permissive or being authoritarian, the style “is about seeing children as independent, rational beings.”
Quoting psychologist Angela Ducksworth in her bestselling book Grit, Bisnow highlighted how parents are accurate assessors of their children’s psychological needs and that their authority over their children must be based on knowledge and wisdom rather than power.
Bisnow highlighted three pillars of Respectful Parenting: structure, supportive, and warm
Find balance between structure and pursuing goals
Under this pillar, parents let their kids make their choices ‘as long as expectations are met.’ Parents come in to ‘guide their kids how to do things better’ and make them understand that they will work on their choice ‘even when it’s hard.’
An author stresses it's important for parents to allow children their own opinions, respect their privacy, and avoid constant corrections.
Bisnow elaborated on the value by sharing the success story of Thomas Vu who grew up with strict rules and lots of structure but was allowed ‘complete freedom’ to pursue his goals. As a kid, he was allowed to play the video games he wanted as long as he maintained straight A’s which Vu saw as a fair trade.
CONTINUE READING BELOWwatch nowIn college, he was a quarter away from graduating but chose to intern with a leading video game maker. “His parents weren’t thrilled, but they let him drop out and pursue his dream of creating video games,” Bisnow wrote. Vu later became the lead producer at Riot Games for League of Legends, which today has 180 million players.
Show support by respecting their individuality
Bisnow stressed on the importance of allowing children to be their own person by giving them the right to their own opinions and point of view, respecting their privacy, and avoiding constant corrections in their actions or speech.
Bisnow shared the story of Wallach who, at eight years old, became interested in investing. Wallach’s mom gave him not only the money to support his interest but also offered her opinions when necessary but ultimately left the decision on where to invest the money with her son.
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When Wallach lost money, his mom told him that it was all part of the learning process. While not all parents will be able to afford--or would be willing--to give their child money to use as investment, there is a greater wisdom beyond the action. “Wallach’s mom nurtured his talents in other ways that didn’t cost money: analyzing, discussing and debating choices with him, treating him like a grown-up, and not agonizing over failure,” pointed out Bisnow.
Teach them warmth by being present
Being ‘warm’ means being present in your child’s life whether in time of need or not. Bisnow enumerated what being warm requires: letting kids know they can turn to you for help, spending quality time with them, and engaging in compassionate activities together.”
Bisnow shares the story of Breegan Jane, an interior designer and host on HGTV’s Extreme Makeover, whose parents taught her about compassion early on and showed her how to handle adversity with resilience and creativity.
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As young as 11, Jane’s parents would bring her along to mission work that exposed her to poverty and the sad truths happening outside of her comfort zone. Now that she’s a mom, Jane found herself doing the same for her sons, encouraging them to volunteer at food assistance programs.
Jane realized that while most parents don’t expose their kids to sad truths, hers did and they did so “by surrounding the pain in so much hope.” Because of her parents’ example, she’s learned how to “focus on the good we could do and bring to others.”
In a society where children are praised for following the rules or being obedient, there is wisdom in seeing them as individuals with their own opinions, interests, and desires. By respecting their individuality, parents allow their children to see the possibilities of what they could become.
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