‘Mas Matututo Sila 'Pag Challenging,’ Ausome Mom Shares How She Raised Her Child To Be Independent

"How to teach your kids to be independent?"

Mommy Brenda Linga opened her Facebook post with this line. Along with a photo of her 10-year-old son Abe riding in a jeep, Brenda narrates, “Gustong gusto ko 'yung mga araw na ganito. Iyung kahit 4 am pa ako mulat sa work. Nagtrabaho at nag-sundo sa kanya ng 3:00 pm. Sinamahan siya sa therapy hanggang 4:30 pm. Nakakapagod, hindi ba? Eh di lalo na sa kanya, mas nakakapagod.”

Brenda further said, “Noong mas bata pa siya kapag sinasakay ko siya sa PUJ, naiinitan siya. Pero, sinanay namin siya sa pagbiyahe. Ngayon na big boy na, tinuturuan ko siya sumakay sa tamang signboard ng sasakyan at saang tapat para para. Kahit matraffic ang pauwi, hindi naiinip. At bumibilang siya kapag malapit na pumara. Kahit makakalampas hindi ako napara para mapilitan siya pumara. Nakukuha naman, pero para lang sa kanya, bakit daw ayaw tumigil.”

“Anak, hindi naman pwede pagka-sabi mo ng para, automatic, stop na. Syempre tatabi muna.”

Brenda ends her post by saying, “Huwag natin gawing laging maalwan ang mga bagay-bagay sa kanila. Mas matututo sila sa mga bagay na challenging gawin.”

As of writing, Brenda’s post has 39,000 reactions, 895 comments, and 2,800 shares. The amount of engagement might seem surprising for a post that’s simply about a mother teaching her son how to commute home. But what might have made it more interesting is Brenda’s header and hashtags: Autism Parenting 101, #autism, #AusomeAbe, #autismawareness, #autismparenting. So how does a parent teach her child on the spectrum independence?

Ausome Abe

Brenda felt that something’s different with her son Abe early on. She noticed certain behaviors and signs that raised concerns about her son’s development, but just like most parents, dismissed them as she wasn’t fully aware of the early indicators of autism. Brenda recalls, “Kagaya noong binakunahan siya as a baby, hindi siya umiyak. So ayun pala mataas na iyung pain tolerance niya and isa na pala ito sa early signs. Pero mas napansin ko talaga siya noong 2 years old siya. Kasi, kahit tawagin iyung name niya, hindi siya tumutugon.”

“Aside from being very hyper, hindi siya nakikipag-usap, nauutusan pero mabibilang lang iyung pagkakataon na may interaction kasi hindi siya nakikipag-interact.”

“Nag-a-align siya ng toys. And iyung way of playing niya, hindi kagaya ng ibang bata, like kapag binigyan mo siya ng car, lalaruin niya as a toy car. Pero si Abe, babaliktarin niya iyung toy car then papaikutin niya lang iyung gulong.”

Brenda says that getting an official diagnosis was also challenging as getting a consultation with a Developmental Pediatrician can take a long time. Abe was officially diagnosed at 4 years old.

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Accepting the diagnosis

Brenda admits that aside from accepting Abe’s diagnosis personally, she was also concerned about how their family would accept it. She relates that as the youngest in her side of the family, they knew early on that Abe is different. But Abe is the first apo in her husband, Amelito’s side of the family. She says, “Nandoon ako sa feeling na paano ko sasabihin? Maiintindihan kaya nila? So parang may halong takot at pangamba para sa anak ko na paano ko ipapaalam sa kanila.”

She then says that accepting Abe’s diagnosis was a process for her. She sought help and learned everything she could. And one thing she learned that helped her accept it is to accept that this is her and her son’s journey. She says, “Kailangan pala ng batang may autismo na may tao na nakaka-identify niya. So iyun ang ginawa ko. I entered his world and slowly stepped out na kasama siya to introduce our world.”

Raising Abe

Brenda enjoys documenting and posting everyday life with Abe because “Iyun iyung patunay na nalampasan na namin iyung mga sleepless nights. Iyung talagang gusto mo nang sukuan ng mga time na iyun, pero worth it lahat ng sacrifices.”

Communication was one of Brenda’s concerns from the start. As a teacher, she worried about what would happen if Abe grows up without learning to read. So she taught him letters and phonics early on, and she now considers him being able to read at the age of three as one of their accomplishments.

Brenda also recounts their hardships during the lockdowns brought about by the pandemic. She says that most kids diagnosed with autism have sensory processing disorder, which makes it hard for them to try out and eat unfamiliar food, which would be challenging given the limited resources during the lockdowns. She says, “Ang ginawa ng Mister ko noon, tyinaga isubo iyung isang butil ng kanin, butil butil hanggang maging isang kutsara, hanggang maging isang plato. So eto, kumakain na rin siya ng may ulam, may sabaw. Isa din sa mga achievement namin.”

But Abe’s biggest achievement for Brenda is that he currently goes to a regular school. She says, “Iyung isa sa mga biggest achievement namin na masasabi ko talagang maipagmamalaki ko, is iyung nakakapag-aral siya sa regular school. Sa klase nila, siya lang ang may ASD at nakakasabay siya sa kanyang mga kaklase. And he’s doing well in academics.”

“Kaya kapag may mga nagsasabi sa mga post ko kapag nakikita na nila si Abe ngayon, sa mga recent videos ko na para naman daw hindi siya [child with autism], para naman daw OK, parang normal. Hindi ko lang masabi na hindi naman namin kayo kasama at hindi niyo nakita kung paano kami nagsimula noon.”

Advice to other parents

When asked about her viral post saying “Huwag natin gawing maalwan ang bagay sa kanila [children], mas matututo sila sa mga bagay na challenging gawin,” Brenda says that they raised Abe and disciplined him in the same way as other parents would raise their neurotypical kids. She adds, “Kaya hindi namin ipinoprovide lahat ng bagay na pwede naman niya makuha agad. Dapat lahat ng bagay na gusto mo, paghihirapan mo. Kasi ayaw kong masanay si Abe na dahil may condition ako, lahat ng gusto ko, makukuha ko.”

“That’s why we are training him to be independent. Kasi hindi ba, ang laging fear ng mga parents na may anak na may autism, paano sila kapag nawala tayo? So ang motto namin is to start them young. Dito sa Batangas, ang sinasabi eh hapulan mo na habang bata, para hindi kung kailan malaki at wala ka at hindi mo na siya kayang gabayan, saka mo siya tuturuan kung kailan huli na.”

Brenda also says that she understands that autism is a spectrum, and as such, neurodivergent kids are unique. “Our kids are different. Merong kailangan ng konting support. May bata na kailangan ng mas matagal na oras at suporta dahil nahihirapan. Merong madaling matuto. Merong hindi.”

“Siguro naging matyaga lang kaming mag-asawa na turuan siya. Matiyaga kami at naghintay matutunan ni Abe lahat ng gusto naming ituro. At naging matiyaga rin kaming hintayin kung kailan i-grant ni Lord mga prayers namin. Kasi kung sususukuan mo at iisipin mo na parang walang pag-asa, iyun talaga ang mangyayari.”

Brenda reminds parents that “If you will do your best as a parent, give your child the early intervention that he needs, the early acceptance, the therapist, kung ibibigay mo iyun imposible na wala siyang magiging milestone.”

“At alam naman natin na struggle din minsan sa finances pagdating sa mga kailangan na therapy, kaya sabi ko, parents should be empowered. Dapat tayo ang number one na knowledgeable when it comes to our child’s autism dahil tayo ang primary caregiver.”

“I’m not afraid to tell other people about my child’s condition. I’m sharing it with other parents who need my advice. Involve your community. Sabi nga nila, it takes a village to raise a child with special needs. If magtutulong-tulong ang pamilya, school, community, therapy centers, for sure, malayo ang mararating ng mga batang ito. Hindi sila matatali sa label na, ay may autism, kawawa naman.”

Brenda also has this to say to other people when it comes to dealing with neurodivergent kids: “Ang earth hindi lang para sa inyo. So, let’s all be accepting. If you don’t know, if you don’t understand, just be kind. That’s good enough for us.”

“Iyun lang naman, para kahit mawala kaming mga magulang at naiwan na sila dito, alam namin na hindi sila mapapabayaan kasi iyung community, they are aware. They are kind and understanding. At okay na kami doon.”

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