'Abogado Na Ako!' Apat Na Takes Ng Bar Bago Nakamit Ni Mommy Ang Pangarap Niya

April 29 ngayong taon nang lumabas ang resulta ng 2019 Philippine Bar Exams. Dati, napupuno ng mga kumuha ng bar ang compoung ng Supreme Court. Ngunit dahil sa banta ng COVID-19, online lang nag-abang ang lahat ng resulta.

Isa sa mga kabadong naghintay ng anunsyo si mommy May Gaoiran, miyembro ng aming Facebook group na Smart Parenting Village.

Hindi na bago si mommy sa paghihintay ng bar exam results. Pang-apat na beses na kasi siyang kumukuha ng bar exams.

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Taong 2013 hanggang 2015, hindi tumigil si mommy sa pagkuha ng exams at refresher course. Hindi pa rin siya nakapasa. Taong 2017 naman, hindi siya umabot sa deadline ng requirements dahil sa clerical error sa kanyang mga marka.

"I went to Sacred Heart Parish Church, confused and frustrated. I even asked God if this is His way of telling me that I should just pursue another career," kwento niya.

Ang hindi niya alam, buntis na pala siya sa mga panahong ito. "I embraced the reality that I will be a mother, no matter how uncomfortable or unprepared I am for this new role," kwento niya.

"Being a mother is definitely the best thing I have ever become, the greatest love I have ever felt and the best part about being me."

Sa sobrang enjoy sa pagiging nanay ni mommy, nakalimutan niyang taong 2019 pala mag-eexpire ang refresher course niya. Kaya naman dali-dali siyang nag-enroll sa pinakamalapit na review center kung saan siya nakatira—dito na nagsimula ang mga struggles ni mommy.

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Ayon sa kanya, naging mahirap ang unang tatlong buwan ng review, dahil kaka-introduce pa lang niya ng mixed feeding sa anak niya. Bukod pa riyan, nakaramdam din daw siya ng mom guilt.

"Nakaramdam ako ng guilt (until now, actually) because liquid gold kept flowing [from] my breast, yet I took it away from [my daughter]," pagbubunyag niya.

"My plate was too full then that instead na makakabuti, feeling ko hindi healthy na magdede siya sa akin lalo na lagi akong pagod, puyat, at stressed dahil sa pagre-review ko," dagdag pa niya.

"I vividly remember rushing home from the review center because my mom told me that my daughter didn't even bother to touch her bottled milk. Nalipasan ng gutom. I cried a river when she vomited my breastmilk."

Dito na nagdesisyon si mommy na ipauwi na muna si baby sa probinsya nila sa Ilocos para maibuhos niya ang lahat ng oras niya sa pagrereview. "Kailangan ko pang mag-review sa coffeeshop para lang hindi ako mag-iiyak at matukso na i-video call [si baby]," kwento ni mommy.

Sabi pa niya, hirap siyang mag-focus simula nang malayo sa kanya si baby. "Bigla-bigla na lang akong naiiyak. Lalo na kapag nagfo-flow ang breastmilk ko, kasi nararamdaman ko ang gutom niya," pagbabahagi niya sa amin sa pamamagitan ng isang Facebook Messenger interview.

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Sa kabila ng kirot sa puso ni mommy, ipinagpatuloy pa rin niya ang kanyang review. "It was then 2nd week of August that I resolved to make the most of the remaining couple of months for review. Great success requires great sacrifice. Besides, I want my daughter to believe in the healing power of 'again' or 'next time.'"

Gusto rin daw niyang turuan ang anak niya ng importanteng aral sa buhay. "I want to teach her the ability to bounce back from adversity, that a leaf does not cease to be a leaf merely because a storm tore it from the tree."

Dagdag pa niya, "How can I tell her to reach for her own dreams if I have given up mine after I have become mother? Motherhood is fulfilling, there's no doubt [about] that. But I believe that I'll be a better mom, the kind of mom that my daughter deserves only if I create the best version of myself."

"How can I tell her to reach for her own dreams if I have given up mine after I have become mother?"

Malaki rin ang pasasalamat niya sa kanyang mga magulang, na ayon sa kanya ay hindi nagsawang tulungan siya, simula nang mag-umpisa siya, hanggang sa makamit niya ang kanyang pangarap.

"Even the time I got pregnant, they never lost hope in me. They encouraged me to pursue my dreams and assured me that they will support me no matter what." Thankful din si mommy sa partner niya, na siya namang punong abala sa mga gawaing bahay para makapag-focus siya sa kanyang pag-aaral.

April 22, isang linggo bago ilabas ng Supreme Court ang resulta, sinabi ni May sa nanay niya na itatapon na niya ang mga review materials niya dahil hindi na niya nakikita ang sarili niya na magre-refresher ulit ng isang taon at mag-rereview ng anim na buwan.

April 28, isang araw bago lumabas ang resulta ng bar, paulit-ulit na binabasa ni mommy ang Bible verse na ito: "The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer." Nakatulog siyang iniisip na kasama ang pangalan niya sa listahan ng mga nakapasa.

April 29, nagising si mommy sa isang boses na nagsasabing nakapasa siya sa bar exams. "I thought I was just dreaming then since I had barely 3 hours of sleep until I saw my name in the Supreme Court's website."

"With my God, I have finally earned that small yet significant period in my ATTY. My 10-year journey was all worth it. I am now ATTY. MAY ENCARNINA P. GAOIRAN."

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