'Allow Yourself To Rest,' And More Lessons From Bianca Gonzalez's 'Paano Ba Ito' For New Momsby Rachel Perez .
Host and celebrity mom Bianca Gonzalez-Intal has spoken up candidly about the challenges of being a mom since she gave birth to her first child, Lucia, now 4, and up to now that she's welcomed her second daughter, Carmen, 1. The mom of two knows all too well how trying it can be to be a first-time mom.
Bianca sought psychologist and child psychotherapist Dr. Lillian "Ali" Ng-Gui, to hear her expertise and wisdom as a mom and grandmom herself. She shared excerpts from their Paano Ba Ito live talk on her YouTube channel, and here are the main takeaways. They're reminders to prioritize mental health, and apply to all moms, not just first-timers.
1. Postpartum blues "is very normal [stage women to go through after birth], but you have to be very careful."
Pregnancy causes a surge in the levels of certain hormones, and so does giving birth. "So, yung mga hormones sa katawan mo, nagkakagulo na sila, para silang nage-eleksyon," Dr. Gui explained. This causes new moms to feel down, irritable, or moody. It typically and often starts soon after giving birth, as that's when new moms are very emotional and overwhelmed by her new responsibilities.
Husbands and family should understand that it's a typical stage, though not all women experience it and it varies how long. Don't hesitate to consult a professional. (Read more about postpartum mood and anxiety disorders here and click here to read about postpartum depression.)
2. "If there are days na you cannot do something, admit it, and don't in any way hesitate to cry for help."ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Bianca recalled it's one of the lessons she learned the hard way when Carmen arrived and she needed to balance her time with two kids. She admitted to feeling guilty whenever she lets other people change Lucia's diaper, wash her feeding bottles, or put her to sleep.
"Okay lang pala. Okay lang that you don't change every single diaper, or okay lang na hindi ikaw ang nagpapatulog every single time," she shared. " I realized na it's okay to ask for help... and you are not less of a good mom because if that," Bianca added.
"You can only be the best of you," Dr. Gui said about moms feeling the pressure to do everything and feeling guilty if they are not able to.
3. "If your heart says, 'No more, hindi na kaya,' don't push it. Allow yourself to rest."
"Admit and accept yourself if there are days that you cannot finish everything... Allow yourself to rest," she stressed.
Dr. Gui also urges new moms to go out to spend time and bond with friends. "Share your kapalpakan, because as you release all of that, you learn new things. If you are recharged, you are re-balanced... so pagbalik ninyo sa bahay, you will be an effective mom again kesa yung mommy na masungit," she explained.
Moms tend to try to do everything because they worry about their kids, and that's normal. "You have to trust others to help you... Why? When you give birth, nagiging haywire ito (points to the brain), so you don't put more stress here." Dr. Gui explained.CONTINUE READING BELOWwatch now
4. "Nobody has the right to tell you if [how you live your life] is right or wrong."
How do you handle other people, friends, and even family who judge your parenting choices? Dr. Gui said to focus on your own life. Other people "can only give you advice, they can only share with you their experiences. But at the end of the day, the buck stops with you," she said. "People who truly love you and who truly understand you will never pass judgment on you," she said. You are a work in progress.
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5. "Trust yourself that you are capable of giving the love that you gave to your first child to your next baby."
"You really are amazed that you are capable pa pala of so much more love, which is hard to think now kasi nga ubos na ubos na tayo, diba... You really somehow grow another heart," Bianca spoke from experience to assure moms' worries on loving a second (or third) child the same way as the first child. "Even if the two children have two personalities -- hindi siya talaga different."
Dr. Gui added, "A mother's heart has so much space that you cannot fill it up. Never doubt 'yung pagmamahal, because it's innate in you. It will grow and multiply as the years go by."
Watch Bianca's latest Paano Ba Ito video below:
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