• 'My Husband Thinks Because He Works He Isn't Obligated to Do Chores'

    A mom confesses her "invisible workload" is something her husband finds hard to understand.
    by SmartParenting Staff .
'My Husband Thinks Because He Works He Isn't Obligated to Do Chores'
PHOTO BY iStock
  • The #SPconfession below came via our Facebook page. She felt compelled to write because of our story, "Moms Are Often More Tired Than Dads: How Men Can Be a Better Partner," which talks about the invisible workload many moms have. She requested her name be withheld. The piece was edited for clarity.

    I read your article about the invisible workload of moms. Sobrang naka-relate ako because it leads to nagging — and fights. 

    Every time I talk about how much work I need to do we always end up fighting because he says he helps me. But like what your article says, he only helps when I tell him to do so! I don't know how to explain that he doesn't do enough while I do everything despite having a full-time night shift job! I don't even have time for myself anymore.

    A constant scenario is I get home at 4 a.m. Four hours later, I wake up to a crying baby and a pile of dishes at the sink!

    If still have the energy, I will cook breakfast after my hubby goes off to work. I do the dishes again and then put the baby back to sleep. I wake up to prepare lunch, clean the used baby bottles, bathe the baby, and get myself ready to go to work. I then drop my baby at my mom's house.

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    I can't help but compare what I do with what he does. He gets ready to go to work in the morning, picks up the clothes at the laundry once a week, and fetches our son from my mom's house. That's where he usually eats dinner, and my mom has already cleaned and put our child in his sleep clothes. All my husband has to do is to put him to bed when they get home, where everything is spotless and clean.

    And what breaks my heart the most is knowing that my son doesn't even have his dad's FULL attention. He is mostly on his gaming console and mobile phone. I've witnessed it many times, but I am not surprised. Wala pa kaming anak ganun na sya sa akin. I thought he would change once we had a baby because that's what he would always say: kapag dad na sya focus na sya sa anak.

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    I'm tired of all the chores and shouldering all the responsibilities.

    One time in the middle of another argument I told him it was better that he resign from his job since it was my salary that was paying for most of the household and family expenses. He should stay home and look after our son since it was hard to find a trustworthy yaya.

    Of course, my husband got mad, really mad. And somehow I realized maybe that's the reason why he doesn't feel obligated to help me in everything because he works — but I work, too!

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    My husband is a kind man whom I respect a lot, but gone are the days when I thought I could depend on him. Madalas kong iniisip na makipaghiwalay na lang. But I want my son to grow up with a complete family. Ayaw ko maranasan niya ang hirap ng walang ama — like me.

    I have been open to my hubby about my depression and anxiety pero he just doesn't get it. I always feel I'm on my own, and I'm the only one who really cares about everything. I hate micromanaging because it triggers my anxiety. Most of the time I end up doing the bilins — I just end up fooling myself over and over again believing I can rely on my husband.

    I hope dads and husbands realize that even if they work or provide for the family, they need to initiate helping women with the household chores — they live in the house, after all. It is never the wife's sole responsibility to keep the house tidy or look after the children. Regardless of who is bringing home the bacon, they should work with the wife on how to divide the workload at home. Barkada nga nila ang bilis nilang suportahan — bakit hindi nila gawin sa misis nila?!

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    Do you have an #SPconfession? Send it to our Facebook Messenger or email at smartparenting2013@gmail.com. Join us at the Smart Parenting Village here.

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