Mom Asks: Okay Lang Ba Humingi Ng Day Off Sa Mga Anak At Asawa?She expresses her feelings of anger and frustration, 'yung gusto mo nang sumabog.'by Ginyn Noble .
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In an anonymous Smart Parenting Village post, a member shared her frustrations and asked, “Okay lang bang humingi ng day off sa mga anak at asawa?” She continued by saying she wants some “me-time” and wonders if her feelings are valid.
Almost a hundred comments have been left on thread, which means a lot of households are familiar with the issue or can relate with the emotions behind the post.
The mom ponders, “Pwede rin bang makaranas ng depression kapag may pamilya na? O wala ka nang karapatang magpaka-depressed kapag may pamilya na? ‘Yung gusto mo nang sumabog… ‘yung may asawa ka nga pero hindi mo maasahan sa bahay at sa mga anak mo…”
That alone feeling
She further unpacks how her husband is not really helping the problem. “Pagod ka sa maghapong gawain sa bahay tapos konting oras lang hinihingi mo para alagaan ang bunso… Para lang makapaglinis pa at makapag-ayos man lang ng sarili [kaso] hindi maibigay ng asawa mo dahil nanonood lang siya o naglalaro sa PC?”
It has even come to a point where she’s thinking of leaving her partner.
“…Bigla mong naiisip na may grounds bang humiwalay dahil lang sa katamaran ng asawa mo? ‘Yung hindi ito ‘yung iniisip mong masayang pamilya… ‘Yung gusto mo lang naman ng masaya at maayos na bahay... Pero ang hirap ma-achieve lalo na kung may asawa ka nga pero pakiramdam mo mag-isa ka lang sa lahat.”ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Are moms allowed to have me-time?
Parents from the village who posted comments had a consensus: Yes, all moms need to rest.
A lot of the moms shared that they really take time for self-care, and a few dads shared that they let their wives take time off away from mommy responsibilities.
We’ve said it time and again, too. You can’t care for others if you’re totally drained. You need to take time to recharge, mommy. Same goes with dads, of course. It’s not just moms that need time to unwind. Every parent deserves to have some time to themselves.
Without enough rest and recovery, you, your partner, or both of you could end up feeling parental burnout. Usually, that’s harder to address than making adjustments as early as possible.
Another thing that might contribute to parental burnout: feeling unnoticed or unappreciated. Like the mom who wrote the anonymous post, you could feel like you’re doing so much and your partner doesn’t even notice that you’re shouldering everything.
This can definitely lead to exhaustion and resentments.
How do you bring it up with your partner?
Others who offered their support and advice also stressed the importance of talking (or listening) to your partner. If your relationship has a solid foundation, there should be an open line of communication.CONTINUE READING BELOWRecommended Videos
When the burdens of being a partner or parent start to weigh you down, you need to address it with your partner. You have to be clear that you need some alone time.
And according to marriage and family therapist Talia Wagner, you need to define what that entails for you. In a HuffPost article, she said, “The key to success with these types of requests is the ability to see it from their perspective, not just your own.”
In other words, your partner isn’t psychic and won’t always know what you really need.
Of course, it’s important to know the best communication style with your husband (or wife). Timing is likewise a big factor so that the talk won’t end up in an argument.
It’s best to do it when emotions are not running high, so you won’t end up saying hurtful things you don’t really mean. Wagner says, “If you ask nicely and kindly and stress that it’s something you both need and would benefit from, it goes a long way.
“When you deliver this news in an accusatory or frustrating tone, the message is rarely received.”
For some partners, it’s important to bring things like this up after a hearty meal or when you’re both well-rested, if that’s even possible. When you’re both level-headed, that’s when you can really see the other’s perspective and come up with actionable solutions.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
How do you balance me-time with family time and responsibilities?
After bringing up the issue with your partner, the two of you can brainstorm ways to lighten your load or find enough time for you to regularly unwind.
1. Arrange for time by yourself, contact only in case of emergency.
One of the moms who commented on the thread mentioned allotting a true “day off” for herself and making the arrangement with her partner. During her weekly day off, she lets her partner fully care for their infant and simply leaves a stash of breastmilk for her.
She can do the things she wants, and her partner promised to not contact her unless there are emergencies.
'If you ask nicely and kindly and stress that it’s something you both need and would benefit from, it goes a long way'
2. Ensure you have pockets of time to recharge and be intentional about your activities.
Understandably, not everyone might have this luxury. So, you need to take stock of your circumstances and find pockets of time where both of you can recharge.
It doesn’t have to be a whole day—it could even be just a couple of hours if that’s the only time you have outside of work and chores.
These minor adjustments can bring a major impact to yourself and your dynamic at home.
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