John Lloyd, Ellen Adarna, and Derek Ramsay: Co-Parenting Positively, No BashingJohn Lloyd says Derek understands him because they are both fathers.
Welcome to Real Parenting, a space where parents can share the joys, pain, and the mess of parenthood. Want to get something off your chest? Share your parenting journey? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject "Real Parenting." Click here to read more 'Real Parenting' stories.
In a sea of complicated co-parenting stories, a harmonious and peaceful setup is definitely inspiring. Such is the case between John Lloyd Cruz, Ellen Adarna, and her husband Derek Ramsay.
John Lloyd and Ellen have a son together, Elias. Derek and Ellen were married in 2021 and Elias is often seen on the Instagram accounts of both, happily spending time with his family. Derek is said to be a "positive influence" to Elias.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
In a recent vlog of comedian Ogie Diaz, he recounted his conversation he had with John Lloyd about becoming a father during a party both attended. Elias was with his dad at the party, too!
“Sabi ko, ‘buti okay kayo ni Ellen sa bata,’ [sabi niya] ‘oo naman, kapag gusto ko naman hiramin yung anak ko, nahihiram ko naman. Maganda rin na nandoon si Derek kasi naiintindihan ako ni Derek bilang tatay din siya, said Ogie.
Ogie added that John Lloyd has only praises to give Derek when it comes to Elias' development and growth. "Ang [ganda] ng ginagawa ni Derek para sa anak ko. Four years old pa lang [siya] pero parang matured na. […] ‘Kung hindi ganun si Derek, hindi ko alam kung anong ugali ngayon ni Elias.’CONTINUE READING BELOWwatch now
Derek shares on his social media accounts some bonding moments he shares with Elias, including teaching him sports, hanging out at the beach, and just every day kulitan at home.
Ogie said, "Malaking bahagi din daw si Derek kung bakit yung anak niya, lumalaking responsable. At maraming alam na spors ganiyan. Tinuturuan kasi ni Derek yan, nakikita naman natin sa video ang mga tinuturo ni Derek diyan kay Elias ?ahit hindi niye ito kadugo at stepson niya ito.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
"Okay kami ni Ellen basta pag dating kay Elias, co-parenting talaga kami," recounted Ogie Diaz.
We love seeing families and parents who put the child first, no matter their romantic and personal choices in life. In a healthy co-parenting setup, a child grows up with not just two parents, but maybe even three or four. And when done well, may contribute positively to a child's growth.
Tips for dads who co-parent:
Very Well Family says that because fathers are often the non-custodial parent, some fathers may be at a disadvantage. In the Philippines, this can be understood as fathers often not being the "default" parent especially in co-parenting setups.
Whether or not custody was arranged, a child is culturally expected to have its mother as its primary caregiver if her parents are separated. Here are a few tips that fathers who co-parent may find useful:
1. Communicate effectively.
Do not use your child as the go-between. Very Well Family says, "For the sake of the kids, co-parents need to create much more open and productive communication skills and patterns.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
2. Disagree in private.
Perhaps much like what the public sees on social media accounts of celebrities and influencers, the positive moments may be shared online. But the less pretty parts of co-parenting and family life must be done in private.
Another application to this point: Disagreeing in private also means not in front of the children. "If the children see Mom and Dad as loving and supportive of them (and each other), they will feel more secure, says Very Well Family.
In addition, "Don’t put the kids in the middle of your disagreement or sabotage the other parent with the kids.
Always think about how things will look like from the perspective of the child. Will a passive-aggressive post online–whether or not your child can already read it–be understood positively by your child? Or will it just bring him more pain?
3. Avoid being just the fun dad–strike a balance.ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
"One of the most common complaints of co-parenting moms is that all dad does when he has the kids is have fun, says the site. Moms still take on the burden of discipline, school and extracurricular activities, chores, etc.
Next time the kids are with you, make sure you also carry the load of discipline and daily grind of daily life. "Keeping the balance witll help avoid jealousy and competition, neither of which is good for the kids or the co-parents," says Very Well Family.
READ MORE STORIES ON CO-PARENTING HERE:
- Romnick Sarmenta On Co-Parenting With Harlene Bautista: 'I'd Like To Think That We're Okay'
- 'Best Team Ever': Sarah Abad and Jay Contreras Show Us How To Co-Parent
- Vic Sotto: 'Susi Pa Rin ang Magulang to Keep the Family Intact'
What other parents are reading