Are Kids Not Welcome in Churches and Cafés Anymore?

A post in Threads reads. “Iyak kasi ng iyak si baby. Hindi kami maka-focus, laging naiistorbo yung homily ni Father dahil sa iyak ni baby,” the post went on. It might seem like a simple plea, but in the comments section, parents and non-parents alike are sharing their strong thoughts on the matter.

This is not the first time people have asked parents to refrain from bringing their children to certain places. A few months ago, several posts asked parents to stop bringing their children to cafés, as they are disruptive to people who want to work in peace. Of course, there’s also the constant debate about allowing small babies or rowdy kids on flights, where the confined space doesn’t give other adults much room or choice to avoid them.

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these,” reads one comment on Threads, quoting a Bible verse from Matthew. Other comments on the post largely agree, supporting parents who make an effort to attend Mass as a family. One wrote, “Salute to the parents who still go to church together with their children. Please let them be. It is one of their chances to be together, complete as a family.” Another parent shared, “I bring my kid to church whenever I can because it’s the time we can be complete kasama ang family. He’s three, turning four. I want him to learn how to listen, stay still, and sing prayers. Nasa magulang din yan on how to handle their kid.” While another user highlighted how important church time is to other parents: “Do you know that going to church is something that helps keep two parents at their wits’ end, sane? It’s not just a Sunday family affair; some parents pray wholeheartedly for their sick child or themselves. They’re praying for strength in moments of exhaustion, to the point of breaking down.”

Other commenters shared that some churches have areas dedicated to parents with their young children: “There are churches na may isolated area for parents with children below 6 or 7 like St. Pio of Pietrelcina Chapel in Libis,” one wrote.

In Smart Parenting Village, a community of more than 100,000 Filipino parents, the majority of the comments echo the same sentiments on a similar post: that parents can and should bring their children to church. Duday Dancel shared her reason for bringing her kids: “I used to keep little kids home so it is much easier to pray, but Pope Francis reminded parents to normalize church and Sunday mass. To me, it’s a hassle and a sacrifice, a higher form of prayer to bring my kids closer to God. I hope people without kids also consider it a sacrifice.”

Moreover, other parents shared how they manage their kids when they become impatient or rowdy during Mass. “If my child cries in church, I will bring my child outside para hindi maka-disturb sa iba. Kahit sabi ng Priest na dalhin sila or okay lang mag-ingay, still, dadalhin ko sila sa labas. Best to bring snacks din, because most of the time, gutom sila kaya sila maingay,” commented an anonymous mother of three.

As most commenters in Threads have noted, it is easy to assume that such calls to exclude children from specific public places come from individuals who are not yet parents themselves, since they seem to be unfamiliar with how kids are and can behave.

The growing sentiment “You are entitled to a child-free life, not a child-free world” is also a common theme in both instances, referring to the “child-free lifestyle.” A child-free lifestyle is the conscious choice not to have children, as individuals prioritize personal freedom, career goals, or other lifestyle choices. Is the sentiment to exclude small kids from public spaces becoming the norm as more people choose a child-free lifestyle?

But are the calls to stop children from coming to churches or cafés boil down to a never-ending debate between parents and adults who prefer the child-free lifestyle? Can both really not co-exist in the same spaces? At a time when society calls for and expects inclusive spaces, shouldn’t all—parents and non-parents—co-exist respectfully?

Public spaces—churches, cafés, airplanes—are by nature shared. Hence, parishioners can and should be able to freely access churches of their choice, and paying customers can freely stay in cafés of their choice. Parents don’t have a say when non-parents get noisy with their stories, in the same way that non-parents don’t get a say when they encounter rowdy kids in their favorite café. It’s a risk both groups should be willing to take when they step into a public space: overstimulated children for parents, and seeing makulit kids for non-parents.

Perhaps now is also a good time for everyone to remember mindfulness and empathy. Parents should be mindful of others: stepping out when needed, bringing activities for their child to enjoy, choosing family-friendly seating, and always reminding their children to be mindful of others, especially in cafés or restaurants where rowdiness can result in accidents. Non-parents, on the other hand, should be able to tolerate occasional cries in church and be less judgmental of parents who are obviously trying their best to manage their kids.

Ultimately, exclusion is not the answer, but coexisting with empathy is. When both sides acknowledge each other’s needs and pressures, shared spaces become more welcoming—for the homily to continue uninterrupted, and for every family moment to count.